I think this should be referenced on occasion... and occasionally more often.

The Standard Catchall Universal Disclaimer Notice

AKA: The Small Print - New And Improved - Now With Whiter Whites!

Compiled by Anthony W. Haukap


NOTICE: This material contains information affecting the national defense of the United States within the meaning of the Espionage Laws, Title 18, U.S.C., Sections 793 and 794, the transmission or revelation of which in any manner to an unauthorized person is prohibited by law.

CONFIDENTIAL

Group-4
Downgraded at 3-year intervals;
declassified after 12-years.

NOTICE: This document may be exempt from public disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act (5 U.S.C. 552). Requests for its release to persons outside the U.S. Government should be handled under the provisions of NASA Policy Directive 1382.2.



This paper is not suitable for general distribution or referencing. It may be referenced only in other working correspondence and documents by participating organizations.
CHANGE NOTICE: Latest changed pages supersede the same pages of previous date. Insert changed pages into basic publication. Destroy superseded pages. This web site does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, or any creature (human, insect, cephalopod or other) currently living on this side of the galaxy; don't quote me on that; in fact, don't quote me on anything; it is quite possible I don't know what he hell I'm talking about; c Copyright (C) 2000 AWH Official Web Site; all rights reserved; this document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications, or as part of any fee-based services or products; further redistribution only allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous FTP, Gopher, WWW and email servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is included and no monetary fee is charged; It is the express will of the parties that this agreement and all related documents have been drawn up in English. C'est la volonté expresse des parties que la présente convention ainsi que les documents qui s'y rattachent soient rédigés en anglais; The Service is offered to you conditioned on your acceptance without modification of the terms, conditions, and notices contained herein; The creator of this page or the ISP(s) hosting any content on this site take no responsibility for the way you use the information provided on this site. These files and anything else on this site are here for private purposes only and should not be downloaded or viewed whatsoever! If you are affiliated with any government, or ANTI-Piracy group or any other related group or were formally a worker of one you cannot enter this web site, cannot access any of its files and you cannot view any of the HTML files. All the objects on this site are private property and are not meant for viewing or any other purposes other then bandwidth space. Do not enter whatsoever! If you enter this site you are not agreeing to these terms and you are violating code 431.322.12 of the Internet Privacy Act signed by Bill Clinton in 1995 and that means that you cannot threaten our ISP(s) or any person(s) or company storing these files, cannot prosecute any person(s) affiliated with this page which includes family, friends or individuals who run or enter this web site. If you do not agree to these terms then you must leave now! all information is subject to change without notice; text has been slightly enlarged to show detail; some information, where noted, has been shown actual size; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental - so there; all material on this site is original work, except for what I stole; statistics are like bikinis, what they conceal is more important than what they reveal; not available in stores; as seen on TV* - * does not necessarily mean on your tv, or broadcast on any public or private television system anywhere within the free world; mileage estimates are "as the crow flies" prerecorded for this time zone; edited for television; simulated picture; not FCC Approved; read all disclaimers; for recreational use only; see label for sequence; for optimum performance and safety, please read these instructions carefully; unauthorized reproduction is prohibited; freshest if eaten before date on carton; some web pages are ribbed for your pleasure; all pictures are for illustration only; rinse, lather, repeat; slippery when wet; drying times approximate; not to be used as an internal lubricant; must be 18 to enter; not recommended for children; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; no substitutions are allowed; objects in mirror are larger then they appear; shake well before use; no adjustment necessary for high altitudes; do not insert into ear canal; a fat-free product; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients; we never use any fillers or artificial ingredients of any kind * except Oreo cookies and Heath bars; this product may contain peanuts; may contain trace (parts per million) amounts of dairy; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a qualified physician; WARNING: This product has not been pasteurized and, therefore, may contain harmful bacteria, which can cause serious illness in children, the elderly, and persons with weakened immune systems. expletive deleted; this product is delivered AS IS; do not use while operating a motorized vehicle; professional driver on closed road circuit, do not attempt these maneuvers yourself; obey posted speed limits; for off-road use only; do not drive on shoulder; your mileage may vary; no passing; offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; no passes accepted for this engagement; this offer cannot be redeemed for cash; breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement; do not use if seal is broken; requires one-year service agreement; no dealers; PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state. some equipment shown is optional; do not use the AC adapter provided with this player for other products; batteries not included; keep clear of swinging steel blades; handle with extreme care; not a birth-control device; some components may require additional system resources not outlined above; HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user. past performance should not be used to determine future growth; if you experience a ringing in your ears, reduce volume or discontinue use; may cause drowsiness; may be too intense for some viewers; don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals; not affiliated with the American Red Cross; contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show; portions of the program not affecting the outcome have been edited; electronically altered to fit time slot; time compressed to fit allotted time; time expanded to fit allotted time; no user-serviceable parts inside; THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result. press left mouse button to reboot; do not eat; contains small parts, not suitable for children under 3 years old; not a toy; replace with same type; colors may, in time, fade; list was current at time of printing; beware of dog; driver does not carry cash; compensated product endorsement; product placement does not constitute endorsement; some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only; software is not returnable; restaurant package not for resale; limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery; ABOUT THE ADVERTISERS: we will never knowingly accept advertising for a fraudulent product, company or service. however, thieves run rampant on the internet and we make no implied or explicit warranty, recommendation or endorsement of or for the products, companies or services mentioned in the ads. employees and their families are not eligible; lost ticket pays maximum rate; prices slightly higher west of the Rockies; prices higher in Alaska and Hawaii; allow four to six weeks for delivery; price does not include taxes; prices stated are USA prices only; no Canadian coins; postage will be paid by addressee; no postage necessary if mailed in the United States; post office will not deliver without postage; return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward; we have sent the forms which seem to be right for you; this is not an offer to sell securities; your canceled check is your receipt; record additional transactions on back of previous stub; savings shown compared to AT&T's standard rates; a copy of this deposition is being separately served to the defendant; not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; may be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities; do not use this product if you have high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, glaucoma, or difficulty in urination; if you are pregnant or nursing a baby, seek the advice of a health care professional before using; this product has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory rats; please remain seated until the Internet browser has come to a complete stop; WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them. falling rock; do not expose contents to direct sunlight; contents are sold by weight, not volume; keep out of reach of small children; on second though, keep out of reach of all humans; store only in approved container; soundtrack available on records, 8-track tapes, and a future audio product to be named at a later date; this product is meant for educational purposes only; recommended for ages 8 to adult; ...your attention please: will the owner of a white Cadillac hearse, license number R1P, please report to the parking lot, your lights are on and the 'passenger' in the back is making obscene gestures; the actors (and aliens) appearing on this site were in no way mistreated - no corpses were harmed and no animals were harmed during the filming of this motion picture... however, some species did become extinct during principal photography; no living animals were barbecued during any of the pre-production work; no oceans were 'intentionally' polluted during the making of this web site; produced entirely on location, from beautiful downtown Earth, filmed live before a studio audience; in case of tornado go to the southwest corner of basement; all models are over 18 years of age; PRIVACY NOTICE: we respect your right to online privacy. if we should collect private, personally identifiable information about you surreptitiously. there is NO requirement that you not provide any personal information whatsoever in order to use the information and services on this site. you may use this site never in total anonymity if you wish. if you do choose to input optional personal information on this site, such as providing an email address to subscribe to the newsletter or to use the "recommend" services this information is may NEVER not be given out, sold to third parties, or used for spamming or for any purpose other than what you intend. dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; hand stamp only; ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result. ...don't leave yet, there's more; not available in all area, consult your local listings; for a limited time only while supplies last; free hot dogs, and balloons for mom (authentic certified id required); offer void where prohibited; actual cash value is yet to be determined; all documents are provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity employer; no shoes, no shirt, no service; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; ...this space for rent; ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999999% empty space. web pages may contain material some readers find objectionable - viewer discretion advised; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; no one under 17 admitted without parent or guardian approval; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; proof of purchase is required; odds of winning grand prize 1:1,000,000,000,000,000; cannot be combined with other offers; if the value of your purchase is less than the value of this offer no credit is issued for future use; is void where prohibited by law; and is good only for shipments within the United States we reserve the right to recover costs associated with the misuse of this coupon; no money down (this may not apply to you - consult professional legal adviser); no purchase necessary; Listed prices are national prices, and actual retail prices may vary by market; Products are sold on a first come, first serve basis; shoplifters will be prosecuted or flogged or both; ask us about our trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed. your name here; some assembly required - requires basic hand tools; batteries not included, except where specifically noted batteries are included; action figures each sold separately; contents were packed full, contents may have settled during shipping; should contents become damp, wet, or foul smelling, notify the bio-containment authorities immediately; sanitized and sealed for your protection; ...special thanks to the James B. Beam Distilling Co.; know when to say when; don't drink and drive; the following items are listed in alphabetical order (starting with the A's): A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; no parking - violators will be towed at owners expense; do not backup - severe tire damage will occur; ...geez, this disclaimer is long; safety goggles may be required during use; the use of rubber gloves is strongly recommended; the wearing of pants is (as always) optional; call 1-800-DIG-RITE before you dig; ...Q: what the hell is a grip? A: person responsible for maintenance and adjustment to equipment on the set; use only with proper ventilation; contents, if used correctly or incorrectly, may cause severe brain rot; for external use only: if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use - should decapitation occur, do not panic, consult a qualified physician at once; COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied. do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and/or inhaling contents may be fatal; all contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; not responsible for typographical errors; smoking: these HTML documents may be hazardous to your health; ...learn more about hemp at your local library or corner bar; for office use only; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a T1 line behind good firewall; practice safe disk copying - always use a write protect tab; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the results; no cars or trucks were hurt during actual html coding; no animals were harmed in the making of this web site (except where noted); I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV; we have attempted to preserve the sound of the original recording, however, the compact disc can reveal limitations of the source tape due to its high resolution; PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe. some items, when viewed in the mirror, may be funnier than they appear; in case of fire... run; ...stock answer: I'll have it ready in the morning; shading within a garment may occur; in case of water landing, seat cushion can be used as a flotation device; seat cushion is not an approved flotation device; your actual weight loss may not be as dramatic; no toothpaste can cure cavities; the surgeon general has determined that prolonged exposure to high levels of radiation can be hazardous; do not use this product with children under 6 years expect under the supervision of a physician; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; The still-image contained within this section are believed to be either public domain and obtained solely from public domain libraries on the Internet or have been purchased from a third party, where a license was purchased, vendors. We do not sell any images, they are made available as a service for our members. Any and all membership fees paid to us are paid to access those portions containing originally produced images and material and are paid as a service fee for the labour involved in searching for and the archiving of public domain images. It is our policy to immediately remove, upon first notification and identification, any specific image represented to be owned or copyrighted by other parties not licensed to this site. Should you posses the copyright to any such image and be able to prove such a claim, please contact us at your earliest convenience. Disclaimer of liability We are not liable to the users of this service or its listed participants for the content, quality, performance or any other aspect of any information provided by the listed participants and transmitted by this service or for any errors in the transmission of said information. Nor do we responsible to any person for any damages arising in any manner out of the use of this service. The users and participants acknowledge that they assume all risk and/or responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the uses to which this service is put. if not fully satisfied with your life, please return unused portion for a full refund - see management; ...today's winning lottery numbers... 6-2-62 tomorrow's winning lottery numbers... 19-10-65; do not play your headset at high volume; do not write below this line; do not delete this line; this page intentionally left blank; out to lunch; no returns unless proven defective; ...anyone still reading? other restrictions may apply; IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE: Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to: PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT, PLUGGED IT IN, TURNED IT ON, AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!? We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back "defective" merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the device in acid for six days. So, in writing these instructions, we naturally tend to assume that your skull is filled with dead insects, but we mean nothing by it. OK? Now let's talk about: 1. UNPACKING THE DEVICE The device is encased in foam to protect it from the Shipping People, who like nothing more than to jab spears into outgoing boxes. PLEASE INSPECT THE CONTENTS CAREFULLY FOR GASHES OR LEA THOMPSON'S ENGAGEMENT RING, WHICH SHE LOST LAST WEEK, AND SHE THINKS THAT MAYBE IT WAS WHILE SHE WAS PACKING DEVICES. Lea really wants that ring back, because it is her only proof of engagement, and her fiancée, Arnold, is now seriously considering backing out on the whole thing in as much as he had consumed most of a bottle of Jim Beam in Quality Control when he decided to pop the question. WARNING: DO NOT EVER AS LONG AS YOU LIVE THROW AWAY THE BOX OR ANY OF THE PIECES OF STYROFOAM, EVEN THE LITTLE ONES SHAPED LIKE PEANUTS. If you attempt to return the device to the store, and you are missing one single peanut, the store personnel will laugh in the chilling manner exhibited by Joseph Stalin just after he enslaved Eastern Europe. Besides the device, the box should contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING"* A little plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable. IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You should IMMEDIATELY turn to your spouse (or SO) and say "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why." WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. And not Pete. 2. PLUGGING IN THE DEVICE The plug on this device represents the latest thinking of the electrical industry's Plug Mutation Group, which, in a continuing effort to prevent consumers from causing hazardous electrical current to flow through their appliances, developed the Three-Pronged Plug, then the Plug Where One Prong is Bigger Than the Other. Your device is equipped with the revolutionary new Plug Whose Prongs Consist of Six Small Religious Figurines Made of Chocolate. DO NOT TRY TO PLUG IT IN! Lay it gently on the floor near an outlet, but out of direct sunlight, and clean it weekly with a damp handkerchief. WARNING: WHEN YOU ARE LAYING THE PLUG ON THE FLOOR, DO NOT HOLD A SHARP OBJECT IN YOUR OTHER HAND AND TRIP OVER THE CORD AND POKE YOUR EYE OUT, AS THIS COULD VOID THE WARRANTY. 3. OPERATION OF THE DEVICE - WARNING: WE MANUFACTURE ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE DESIGNER CASE. THE ACTUAL >WORKING CENTRAL PARTS OF THE DEVICE ARE MANUFACTURED IN JAPAN. MRS. JAMIE BUCKMAN OF ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE, WHO HAS NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO JAPAN BUT DOES HAVE MOST OF “SHOGUN” ON TAPE, TRANSLATED THE INSTRUCTIONS. INSTRUCTIONS: For results that can be the finest, we advising that: NEVER to hold these buttons two times!! Except the battery. Next taking the (something) earth section may cause a large occurrence! However. If this is not a trouble, such rotation is a very maintenance action, as a kindly (something) viewpoint from Drawing B. 4. WARRANTY Be it hereby known that this device, together with but not excluding all those certain parts thereunto, shall be warranted against all defects, failures and malfunctions as shall occur between now and Thursday afternoon shortly before 2, during which time the Manufacturer will, at no charge to the Owner, send the device to our Service People, who will emerge from their caves and engage in rituals designed to cleanse it of evil spirits. This warranty does not cover the attractive designer case. WARNING: IT MAY BE A VIOLATION OF SOME LAW THAT MRS. JAMIE BUCHMAN HAS "SHOGUN" ON TAPE. this document, as well as others on this site, are protected under the laws of the Earth, the Milky Way Galaxy and other Universes. Unauthorized duplication, distribution, or exhibition may result in having your matter scattered throughout your local galaxy; this web site contains 100% pure bullshit and its contents bears little resemblance to actual facts - anything on this site be found to be true is unintentional and coincidental; theses web pages may, at some future date, become unavailable without notice - this may be due to the author of these pages being very busy with life, pimping his bitches, and devising solutions for world conquest... er... I mean world peace, etc, etc. All models, actors, actresses and other persons that appear in any visual depiction of actual or simulated sexual conduct appearing or otherwise contained in at this Gallery website were over the age of eighteen (18) years at the time of the creation of such depictions. Some of the aforementioned depictions appearing or otherwise contained in or at this site contain only visual depictions of actual sexually explicit conduct made before July 3, 1995, and, as such, are exempt from the requirements set forth in 18 U.S.C. § 2257 and C.F.R. 75. With regard to the remaining depictions of actual sexual conduct appearing or otherwise contained in or at this site, the records required pursuant to 18 U.S.C. § 2257 and C.F.R. 75 are kept in the following locations by the corresponding Custodians of Records: Terms and Conditions of Membership 1. For good and valuable consideration, the sufficiency of which is acknowledged by you and the Company, you hereby agree to become a subscriber to _____________, and agree to be bound by all the terms and conditions set forth in this agreement (the "Agreement"). The parties to this Agreement are you, the Subscriber, and _____________. Subject to the terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement, the Company agrees to provide to you all the privileges of subscription to _____________ available to a Subscriber in good standing. This Agreement is subject to change by Company at any time, and changes are effective upon notice to the Subscriber by e-mail, posting at or via hyperlink to _____________, or by mail. 2. ALL MATERIALS, INCLUDING MESSAGES, AND OTHER COMMUNICATIONS, CONTAINED AT _____________ ARE INTENDED FOR DISTRIBUTION EXCLUSIVELY TO CONSENTING ADULTS IN LOCATIONS WHERE THE MATERIALS, MESSAGES AND OTHER COMMUNICATIONS CONTAINED AT _____________ DO NOT VIOLATE ANY COMMUNITY STANDARDS OR ANY FEDERAL, STATE OR LOCAL LAW OR REGULATION OF THE UNITED STATES OR ANY OTHER COUNTRY. NO PERSONS UNDER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN (18) YEARS MAY DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY VIEW OR POSSESS ANY OF THE CONTENTS OF _____________ OR PLACE ANY ORDERS FOR ANY GOODS OR SERVICES ADVERTISED AT OR IN _____________. YOU HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MATERIALS PRESENTED AT AND/OR DOWNLOADABLE FROM _____________ INCLUDE EXPLICIT VISUAL, AUDIO, AND/OR TEXTUAL DEPICTIONS OF NUDITY AND HETEROSEXUAL, BI-SEXUAL, AND/OR TRANSEXUAL SITUATIONS OF A SEXUAL NATURE, THAT YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH MATERIALS OF THIS KIND, AND THAT YOU ARE NOT OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIALS. YOU HEREBY FURTHER AFFIRM AND WARRANT THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY OVER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN YEARS AND ARE CAPABLE OF LAWFULLY ENTERING INTO THIS AGREEMENT. 3. I acknowledge and agree that all materials contained at _____________ are proprietary and constitute valuable intellectual property. I acknowledge and agree that as such, I may only access, view, download, receive and otherwise use the materials available at _____________ only as authorized by the Company. I agree that I shall at no time access, view, download, receive or otherwise use, or cause or enable others to access, view, download, receive or otherwise use materials, directly or indirectly in places which the Company does not authorize such access, viewing, downloading, receipt or other use. I hereby acknowledge and agree that no materials from any parts of _____________ are authorized, and no materials are intended, by the Company to be accessed, viewed, downloaded or used by, or transmitted, broadcast or otherwise disseminated to any person or entity located in any and all areas prohibited by law. I agree that any and all unauthorized access, viewing, downloading, receipt, duplication or other use of materials from _____________, in which I am directly or indirectly involved, including, but not limited to accessing, viewing, downloading, receiving or other use of materials in PROHIBITED AREAS in any manner shall constitute intentional infringement(s) of _____________'s and potentially other's intellectual property rights and other rights in such materials and shall further constitute a violation of _____________'s trademark and other rights, including, but not limited to, rights of privacy. 4. I agree to be personally liable and fully indemnify _____________ for any and all damages directly, indirectly and/or consequentially resulting from my attempted or actual unauthorized downloading or other duplication of materials from _____________ alone, or with or under the authority of, any other person(s), including, without limitation, any governmental agency(ies), wherein such damages include, without limitation, all direct and consequential damages directly or indirectly resulting from unauthorized downloading of materials from _____________ including, but not limited to, damages resulting from loss of revenue, loss of property, fines, attorney's fees and costs, including, without limitation, damages resulting from prosecution and/or governmentally imposed seizure(s), forfeiture(s), and/or injunction(s). 5. Some or all of the following fees and charges may be incurred by the Subscriber: a. Subscription Fees. The Subscriber is responsible for paying periodic subscription fees according to the then-current billing terms. Subscription fees are non-refundable; and you must be 18 years of age or older to receive a membership to _____________. For your convenience and satisfaction, all memberships will automatically renew upon expiration unless your subscription is cancelled at least 24 hours prior to expiration. The cost of renewal will not exceed monthly membership costs at time of members' initial subscription. Cost of renewal will not be affected by any increase in _____________ subscription rates. All membership cancellations can take place by visiting our MEMBER SERVICES area. b. Other fees and/or charges for goods and services ordered at, through and/or from _____________ and its licensees. 6. Subscriptions may not be assigned or transferred to any other person or entity. Subscriber must promptly inform Company of the following: changes in the expiration date of any credit card used in connection with _____________; changes in home or billing address; and apparent breaches of security, such as loss, theft, or unauthorized disclosure or use of an ID or password. Until Company is notified, by conventional mail, web site form, or by telephone to _____________'s Customer Service Department, during normal business hours of a breach in security, the Subscriber will remain liable for any unauthorized use of _____________. Upon request, Subscribers will be given access to billing records that support charges for use of the _____________. 7. Payment for the services provided to you at and/or through _____________ may be made by automatic credit card or check debit and you hereby authorize Company and its agents to transact such payments on your behalf. You agree not to report as lost or stolen any credit card which you have used in conjunction with payment to _____________, or as unauthorized any charge by _____________, for any goods or services, including subscription, for which you do not have good reason to believe is, in fact, lost, stolen or unauthorized. You hereby agree that any such fraudulent reporting of a lost or stolen credit card used to obtain goods or services from _____________ or any fraudulent reporting of an unauthorized charge to _____________ on your credit card which has been made by you or anyone under your authority, at a time when a charge or other obligation for payment for goods and/or services to _____________ remains outstanding at the time of such fraudulent reporting, you shall be liable to _____________ for liquidated damages of $25,000.00. The liability for liquidated damages specified in this Paragraph shall not limit any other liability you may have for breach(es) of any other terms, conditions, promises and warranties set forth in this Agreement. 8. Subscription to _____________ may be terminated at any time, and without cause, by either Company or Subscriber upon notification of the other by electronic or conventional mail, or by telephone. You agree to be personally liable for all charges incurred by you during or through the use of _____________. Your liability for such charges shall continue after termination of your membership for any reason. 9. Subscribers are responsible for providing all personal computer and communications equipment necessary to gain access to _____________. Access to and use of _____________ is through the use of a password. Each Subscriber must keep his password strictly confidential. For security reasons, _____________ will not release passwords. Unauthorized access to _____________ is a breach of this Agreement and a violation of law. 10. Subject to the terms and conditions set forth herein, _____________ hereby grants you a limited, non-exclusive and non-transferrable license to use graphic files, audio files, video files, text, hyperlinks, interlinks, search engines, and other software associated with authorized Subscriber use of _____________ which Company provides ("Materials") during the period in which you are a current Subscriber in good standing. You may use the Materials only in accordance with the terms and conditions of your membership, only on one computer at a time and, if downloadable copies of the Materials are made available by _____________, you may make only a single copy of such Materials for your personal use and enjoyment. You may not remove any propriety notices from Materials at any time. You may make no use of Materials not expressly authorized herein or by prior express written authorization from Company. Prohibited uses, include, without limitation: (1) permitting other individuals to directly or indirectly use the Materials; (2) modifying, translating, reverse engineering, decompiling, disassembling the Materials (except to the extent applicable laws specifically prohibit such restriction); (3) making copies or creating derivative works based on the Materials except as provided herein; (4) renting, leasing, or transferring any rights in the Materials; (5) removing any proprietary notices or labels on the Materials; and (6) making any other use of the Materials. This license does not grant you any rights to any software enhancements or updates of any kind. 11. Except for public domain material or material otherwise licensed to Company for electronic dissemination, all Materials displayed at or otherwise available through _____________ are proprietary, and, except for initial downloading, may not be copied, redistributed, or downloaded, in whole or in part, without the prior written authorization of Company. All editions of _____________, and all Materials and other matter used directly or indirectly in, at, by, through and/or with _____________ are protected by the copyright laws of the United States, international copyright treaties and other laws and regulations. All rights are reserved. All intellectual property and other rights in and to the Materials and other matter at _____________ shall at all times remain in Company, its parent(s), subsidiary(ies), licensee(s) and assign(s). All intellectual property and other rights in and to any intellectual property content accessed through the Materials is the property of the applicable content owner, which may be the Company, its parent(s), subsidiary or subsidiaries, licensee(s) and assign(s), or others, and may be protected by applicable copyright and/or other laws. The limited and non-exclusive license granted to you herein grants to you no rights to use such content except as set forth herein. This license will immediately terminate automatically if you fail to comply with the limitations described herein, breach any other provision of this Agreement, cease, for any reason, to be a Subscriber in good standing, or are notified of its termination by the Company or its authorized agent(s). You agree that upon such termination, you will immediately destroy all copies of the Materials in your possession. 12. You agree that Materials and all other services provided to you by Company are provided on an "AS IS" basis, without warranties of any kind, including without limitation the warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose and non-infringement. The entire risk as to the quality and performance of the Materials and all services provided by Company is borne by you. Should the Materials or any other service provided by Company prove defective and/or cause any damage to your computer or inconvenience to you, you, and not Company, assume the entire cost and all damages which may result from any and all such defects. This disclaimer of warranty constitutes an essential part of the Agreement. Some states do not allow exclusions of an implied warranty, so this disclaimer may not apply to you and you may have other legal rights that vary from state to state or by jurisdiction. Under no circumstances and under no cause of action or legal theory, shall Company, its suppliers, licensees, resellers, or other subscribers, or their suppliers, licensees, resellers or subscribers be liable to you or any other person for any indirect, special, incidental, or consequential damages of any character including, without limitation, damages for loss goodwill, work stoppage, computer failure or malfunction, or any and all other commercial damages resulting from any use of Materials or other use of _____________. 13. Company does not screen or endorse advertisements or communications submitted to _____________ by third-party licensees, advertisers, or subscribers for electronic dissemination through _____________. Subscribers are therefore advised to use their own judgment to evaluate all advertisements and other communications available at or through the use of _____________ prior to purchasing goods and/or services described at _____________ or otherwise responding to any communication at _____________. 14. Any liability of Company, including without limitation any failure of performance, error, omission, interruption, deletion, defect, delay in operation or transmission, communications line failure, theft or destruction or unauthorized access to, alteration of, or use of records, whether for breach of contract, tortious behavior, negligence, or under any other cause or action, shall be strictly limited to the amount of membership fee paid by or on behalf of the subscriber to Company for the preceding month. Some states do not allow the limitation or exclusion of liability for incidental or consequential damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you. 15. Company is not liable for damages resulting from disseminating, failing to disseminate, or incorrectly or inaccurately disseminating any Materials, data, advertisement or other communication at or through _____________. 16. No warranty is made by Company regarding any information, services, Materials or products provided through or in connection with the _____________, and Company hereby expressly disclaims any and all warranties, including without limitation: 1) any warranties as to the availability, accuracy, or content of Materials, information, products, or services; 2) any warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Some states do not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so the above exclusion may not apply to you. 17. "_____________" is a service mark of _____________, INCORPORATED. All rights are reserved. 18. All materials included at _____________ are for the private use by Subscribers only. No other uses are intended by the Company and any other use is strictly prohibited. 19. If the Company should at any time provide any service which enables Subscribers to communicate with or otherwise share information with other Subscribers or persons providing any kind or service to Subscribers, you agree not to submit, publish, display, disseminate, or otherwise communicate any defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, threatening, offensive, or illegal material while connected to or otherwise directly or indirectly using _____________ or other services provided to you by Company. Transmission of such material or any material that violates any federal, state, or local law in the United States or anywhere else in the world, is strictly prohibited and shall constitute a material breach of this Agreement entitling Company to immediately terminate all rights to access to _____________. You are solely responsible for all information which you submit, publish, display, disseminate or otherwise communicate through _____________ even if a claim should arise after termination of service. If the Company provides any such service described herein, you agree that all messages and other communications by you shall be deemed to be readily accessible to all other Subscribers who are authorized to access _____________ and agree that all such messages and other communications shall not be deemed to be private or secure. Regardless of whether the Company provides any type of service described herein, you agree that you have hereby been informed and noticed that any and all messages and other communications which you submit to Company directly or through _____________ can be read by the operators and/or other agents of Company, whether or not they are the intended recipient(s). 20. Notices from _____________ to Subscribers may be given by means of e-mail, by general posting on _____________, or by conventional mail. Communications from you to the Company may be made by e-mail, conventional mail or telephone. All questions, complaints, or notices to _____________ may be sent in the following manner: a. by means of the web site form; or b. by telephone to _____________'s Customer Service Department during normal business hours to 888-968-5834. 21. This Agreement contains the entire agreement between the Subscriber and Company regarding Subscribers' use of _____________, Materials and all materials directly and indirectly related thereto. This Agreement supersedes all prior written and oral understandings, writings, and representations and may only be amended upon notice by Company. This Agreement shall be governed by and construed under the laws of the State of California and the United States as applied to agreements between California state residents entered into and to be performed within the State of California, except as governed by Federal law. The application of the United Nations Convention of Contracts for the International Sale of Goods is expressly excluded. If any provision of this Agreement is held to be unenforceable for any reason, such provision shall be reformed only to the extent necessary to make it enforceable. Unless otherwise explicitly stated, the provisions of this Agreement shall surviveits termination. YOU HEREBY AFFIRM THAT YOU HAVE READ THIS ENTIRE AGREEMENT AND AGREE TO ALL ITS TERMS AND CONDITIONS BY CLICKING WHERE INDICATED BELOW AND BY AUTHORIZING THE USE OF YOUR CREDIT CARD FOR PAYMENT OF CHARGES AND FEES FOR YOUR OBTAINING A SUBSCRIPTION TO _____________. SELECT "I AGREE" TO INDICATE THAT YOU HAVE READ THE MEMBERSHIP AGREEMENT IN ITS ENTIRETY, UNDERSTAND ITS TERMS, CONSENT TO ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS SET FORTH IN THE MEMBERSHIP AGREEMENT, REPRESENT AND WARRANT THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY OVER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS AND UNDERSTAND THAT MATERIALS PRESENTED AT _____________ INCLUDE NUDITY, VISUAL AND AUDIO PRESENTATIONS OF SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND ADULT LANGUAGE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS SET FORTH IN THIS AGREEMENT, ARE NOT OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE, OR ARE IN AN UNAUTHORIZED DOWNLOADING LOCATION, SELECT THE "I DO NOT AGREE". IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed. use common sense when following suggestions contained here within this site and on adjacent satellite sites (for example: back up all your data before making any system changes), and get help from a computer support professional if you are unclear on the why or how of what the hell you're doing, or its possible actions, interactions, or consequences; The creator of this page or the ISP(s) hosting any content on this site take no responsibility for the way you use the information provided on this site. These files and anything else on this site are here for private purposes only and should not be downloaded or viewed whatsoever! If you are affiliated with any government, or ANTI-Piracy group or any other related group or were formally a worker of one you cannot enter this web site, cannot access any of its files and you cannot view any of the HTML files. All the objects on this site are private property and are not meant for viewing or any other purposes other then bandwidth space. Do not enter whatsoever! If you enter this site you are not agreeing to these terms and you are violating code 431.322.12 of the Internet Privacy Act signed by Bill Clinton in 1995 and that means that you cannot threaten our ISP(s) or any person(s) or company storing these files, cannot prosecute any person(s) affiliated with this page which includes family, friends or individuals who run or enter this web site. you agree that any cause of action arising out of or related to this Service must commence within one (1) year after the cause of action arose; otherwise, such cause of action is permanently barred; the foregoing includes forward-looking statements, such as potential success in product development, that involve risks and uncertainties. actual events or results may differ materially from those suggested by the forward-looking statement; if something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on; please do not reveal the 'secret' to anyone, also never give up... never surrender! This supersedes all previous notices. What are you still doing here? Go home!
Mods... please feel free to delete this after reading.