Chuck Norris

[WillysWagon]

We've all heard the Chuck Norris comments, now throw some out there.
These always crack me up [Beer]


Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris doesn't use a nitelight cause he's scared of the dark, the dark uses a nitelight cause it's scared of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, TWICE !!!

Chuck Norris doesn't leave messages, he leaves 'warnings'

[sniper_tim]

My son recieved the "The truth about Chuck Norris" book from a friend for Christmas.
Was washroom fodder for a while, fricking hilarious.
Definitely recomended reading!

Based on the website: Chuck Norris random fact generator (http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck)

Favorites:

Chuck Norris makes onions cry
Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.
Every peice of furniture in Chuck Norris's house is a Total Gym
Chuck Norris once shot down a plane with his finger by pointing and yelling "BANG"

[ROFL2]

[Irish]

"Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls!!!"

[CareyH]

Do you know whats behind chuck norris's beard? another Fist!

[CareyH]

Stephen Hawking once tried to explain the history of time without talking about Chuck Norris. As a result, Stephen Hawking can't really talk anymore. Or move.



now thats funny.

[ssf467]

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down

[sniper_tim]

gotta have a roundhouse kick....

If someone asks Chuck Norris what his favorite song is, he roundhouse kicks them in the face until they beg for mercy. Then he tells them that is music to his ears.

Heres one for you CareyH:

As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world-renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the wheelchair.

[sniper_tim]

It never rains on Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried.

[DOC]

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/2574/chucknorriswasherelq6.jpg (http://img15.imageshack.us/my.php?image=chucknorriswasherelq6.jpg)

When Chuck Norris's shit hits the fan, the fan breaks.

[opie011]

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesnt get wet the water gets Chuck Norris'd

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walk into a bar and it instantly explodes because nothing can contain that much awesome[ROFL1]

[RYAN50BMG]

My favorite: When the boogyman goes to sleep, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

[PsychoI3oy]

Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer attacks!

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.

The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

If Jack Bauer and MacGyver were locked in a room, Jack Bauer would make a bomb out of MacGyver.

Chuck Norris's beard can deflect bullets... Jack Bauer only needs 5 o'clock shadow.

Jack Bauer does the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle on Saturdays. In pen.

[DOC]

I have never see Jack Bauer shoot all of his ammo off just so he can fight in slow motion. So I think that he is second to chuck. But its a close second. Jack Bauer wasn't created back when movies were meant to entertain and get people a way to unwind. He was created when it was Bush's fault and we need a pussy black president. Let Jack shoot an M-60 from the hip and hit a bullseye everytime and we will talk again about rankings.

[WillysWagon]

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jack Bauer once, hence the saying we now have, 'He's Jacked up'. [ROFL1]

[Marlin]

Clint Eastwood scowled at Chuck Norris,, Chuck has been hiding behind Christie Brinkley ever since...

Yes, I went there.. [Tooth]

[theGinsue]

Then there'e this:
http://i598.photobucket.com/albums/tt65/theGinsue/ChuckNorrisBitchSlap.jpg

[CareyH]

When Mr.T crosses his arms the US terror threat level is raised to GOLD.

[VA_GUNZ]

Chuck norrisgot pulled over for speeding last week. He let the cop off with a warning.

A guy once told chuck norris that a roundhouse kick isnt the best way to kick someone. Historians have documented this as the worst mistake that has ever been made my any person ever.

Chuck norris took my virginity. He will take your too. If you are thinking "Im not a virgin" You are dead wrong.

the chief export of chuck norris is PAIN.


I will have you know that jack bauer is a douche and chuck would roundhouse kick him him in the vagina.

[PsychoI3oy]

Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people cause he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people cause he ran out of people.

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer once got into a fight, the event is commonly known as the Big Bang. Who won? Just ask yourself when was the last time you saw a new episode of Walker Texas Ranger?

[Roger]

Clint Eastwood scowled at Chuck Norris,, Chuck has been hiding behind Christie Brinkley ever since...

Yes, I went there.. [Tooth]


Hmmm. Maybe ole Chuck is smarter then we think.
[Love2]

[GunTroll]

All are punks compaired to the DUKE! Thats right...John Wayne bitches!

[theGinsue]

It's hard to argue with that...I was a huge John Wayne fan back in the day...even cried when he died. I miss that tough SOB. America could sure use him about now!

[Tristan]

My favorite;