Best one liner?

[02ducky]

Stealing this idea from coloccw, one of his posts in another thread got me thinking...

What is the best one liner you have?

[Irving]

"Your mom never had kids!"

[cstone]

"Thats all I have to say about that."

[Great-Kazoo]

Only 1 one liner ?

[BushMasterBoy]

I was wearing a velcro covered military watchband in a bar and a lady asked me why my watch was covered...I replied "for private time"....



http://www.armysurplusworld.com/product.asp?ProductID=43998

[Mtn.man]

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.

[Great-Kazoo]

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.

How do you get a nun pregnant? FUCK HER

How do you have great sex with a nun? Dress her up as an alter boy.

[02ducky]

[fail]
How do you get a nun pregnant? FUCK HER

How do you have great sex with a nun? Dress her up as an alter boy.


Those are jokes for the joke thread back on topic... [fail]

[Limited GM]

You were really flying when I came past.

[Irving]

Can you provide some context? You can't really present a one liner without it, as they are usually retorts.

[asmo]

“I will not tip toe through life only to arrive safely at death.”

[cstone]

Dying is easy. Living is hard.

[BushMasterBoy]

Dying is easy. Living is hard.

Coming from a "sex therapist"?

[asmo]

One that I use quite frequently:

"There is a fine line between the passing glance of a stranger and the cold deep stare of a hardened psychopath".

[th3w01f]

One that I use quite frequently:

"There is a fine line between the passing glance of a stranger and the cold deep stare of a hardened psychopath".

I've struggled with the same question..... how much eye contact is too much. :)

[roberth]

I'll buy that for a dollar.

[Aloha_Shooter]

I wanted to post my favorite John Wayne quote from The Sands of Iwo Jima but submit this one from Clint Eastwood instead:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CG2cux_6Rcw

[cstone]

I wanted to post my favorite John Wayne quote from The Sands of Iwo Jima but submit this one from Clint Eastwood instead:


That's OK. Living is hard, but it is even harder if you are stupid.

[Scanker19]

White water in the morning.

[Mazin]

Don't smirk at me.

[th3w01f]

My favorite was always "I'm hung like an Argentinian mountain gorilla".... It's a great conversation starter, try it out at work.

[sniper7]

Hold my beer and watch this

[SAnd]

I'll have enough guns after I get the next one.

[Great-Kazoo]

Now, I don't want any trouble.

[Great-Kazoo]

Is there a probem, officer ?

[Great-Kazoo]

Do i look drunk to you?

[Great-Kazoo]

Of course I'll still respect you in the morning.

[Great-Kazoo]

The one (ok one of the ones) that may have got some one in troube.

I dont normally do this on the first date.

[Great-Kazoo]

No really officer, she was just changing out of her work clothes ;)


Me, well these 64 impalas are notorious for stuck heater cables :(

[Big E3]

You a bounty hunter? Man's got to do something for a living. Dying's not much of a living.

[jerrymrc]

Ya got all the intelligence of a small soap dish.

[blackford76]

It only seems kinky the first time.

[spyder]

Nice shoes, wana fuck?

Funny enough, the only time I used that, it worked. Only used it once, didn't want to tarnish my perfect record with using it.

[Great-Kazoo]

Who's in charge here ?

[Ronin13]

I'll buy that for a dollar.
I love RoboCop!

Two of my favorite ones are:
When someone I don't really like finally leaves, "Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya."

In retort to a stupid person's comment: "Somewhere there is a tree working really hard to produce oxygen so you can breathe... I think you should go apologize to it."

[ChadAmberg]

In the spirit of the holidays...

"Are those your Christmas decorations, or did Walmart throw up on your front yard?"

[Great-Kazoo]

Do it for the Children.

[cofi]

http://m.quickmeme.com/img/4e/4e53e75f4a223a144301c6d4da0401d4763a3ba39b46727dfc 49aba41998567d.jpg

[68Charger]

It's al fun and games until somebody loses a pancreas...

[eneranch]

" You want to pick up a 6-pack & fuck; or don't you drink? "

[Graves]

Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.

[Chad4000]

be patient or you'll be a patient

[Chad4000]

you wanna a true story or a good one?

[HoneyBadger]

"Shitter's full"

[Holger Danske]

Do your homework

[Ah Pook]

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

He's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

1- If I were you I'd run.
2- If you were me you'd be good looking.

[Bitter Clinger]

Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.

I say this all the time!

other faves

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Hurry up and wait

Embrace the suck

Go fu@$ yourself

And....OMAHA!

[Aloha_Shooter]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd1kzNBt4f4

[wctriumph]

Life's not fair.

People are no damned good.

[blackford76]

This is going to hurt you way more than it's going to hurt me.

[Aloha_Shooter]

It's all in the reflexes -- Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China

[blackford76]

If stupid hurts, you should be dead.

[cstone]

You two are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

This place is a geographical oddity. It is three days from everywhere.

[colorider]

If you run from me you are going to die tired.

[BladesNBarrels]

We are all victims, but none more than me!

[Tinelement]

Educations don't come cheap

[Squeeze]

You must of been born on the highway...considering that's where most accidents occur.

You're about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop.

[Holger Danske]

It's all in the reflexes -- Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China

For the win.

[buffalobo]

The worst you ever had was wonderful.

If you are unarmed, you are a victim.

[wctriumph]

HA!

[Stvros]

If that guy had a brainstorm it would be a light drizzle.

[wctriumph]

Lets compromise and do it my way.

[hobowh]

If it hurts don't do it, unless you like it then do it again

Suck it up and act like a man.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screeming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

[hobowh]

you are just you;r daddies little squirt

[TriggerHappy]

You can't fix stupid.

[Big E3]

His elevator does not go to the top floor!
He's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic!
He's a half bubble out of plumb!
He's one brick short of a load!
He's dumber than a pile of dirt!
I'm busier than a one legged man in a but kicking contest!
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man!

[BushMasterBoy]

I was born with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

[TheBelly]

Sharp as a bag of marbles.

[buckshotbarlow]

I'm your huckleberry
You're a daisy if you do!
you look like a dog shitting peach stones

[TFOGGER]

Be polite, be professional, and have a plan to kill everyone that you meet.

[Hotchef181818]

I have to piss like a 2 dick dinosaur
eat shit and die

[Stevensje]

Trust me, I'm a Doctor.

[Guylee]

"I don't have to worry about money, because I don't have any money to worry about!"

[Guylee]

Be polite, be professional, and have a plane to kill everyone that you meet.

53411

[Sawin]

You're like a championship bass, I can't decide if I should mount you or eat you!

[Duman]

It looks dangerous. You go first. - from Indiana Jones

[TFOGGER]

53411

"the fingers you have used are too fat, mash the keypad with your palm now"-simpson's automated phone answerer

[GilpinGuy]

"This one goes to 11", Nigel Tufnel

[james_bond_007]

Slicker than snot on a doorknob.

[Great-Kazoo]

Now I don't want any trouble.

[fly boy]

If I was a squirrel, I'd bust a nut in your tree hole

[blackford76]

You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here

[UncleDave]

Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.


FIFY

[tacticalCOWBOY]

Never go full retard.

[UncleDave]

I'd also you but s#*t splatters.

[blackford76]

time for some thrilling heroics.

[Aloha_Shooter]

Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfdpcrOgUp4

[BushMasterBoy]

You look like I could use a drink.

[Zombie Steve]

Hey, now. I don't go to your mom's work and jump up and down on the end of the bed...

[HoneyBadger]

Never go full retard.
Welcome to the forum! [Beer]

[Duman]

There's a time to think, and there's a time to act, and this is no time for thinking.

[panic]

[Aloha_Shooter]

Are you crazy? The fall'll probably kill ya ...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IbStIb9XXw

[Rucker61]

"I'll be in my bunk".

[Bunny]

You have the whitest teeth I've ever came across

[flogger]

Never say never.

I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!

[Stevensje]

Damn girl you must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day long.

[SideShow Bob]

" Hey, Anybody got a chainsaw I can borrow" ?

[HoneyBadger]

" Hey, Anybody got a chainsaw I can borrow" ?
[beatdeadhorse]

[ChickNorris]

"I'll be in my bunk".

Jayne Cobb?

[ChickNorris]

I know its an old dead thread faux pas... but reading it made me smile.

[Ah Pook]

So many people not around anymore.

Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it!

[stenz]

Get some stank on my hang low.

[ChickNorris]

So many people not around anymore.

Yep. I noticed that too.

[ChickNorris]

"Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time."

[Joe_K]

The Good Lord looks out for cripples and idiots, and you ain?t limping.

Let?s not turn this kidnapping into a murder!

He?s not the sharpest stick in the crayon box.

Can?t died in the poorhouse.

Pick up lines now that I?m married and have kids;

?Hey Babes, the kids are asleep?

?I?ll fold the laundry?



For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭2:5‬ ‭

[theGinsue]

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes."

kVu_yMEhUfM

[ChickNorris]

(Can someone repost that image please?)

[SideShow Bob]

Here are a few I have used occasionally:

If I were to agree with you, we'd both be wrong.

I didn't mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

I did not mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.