HoneyBadger
02-09-2016, 13:07
http://www.theonion.com/article/retreating-clinton-campaign-torches-iowa-town-slow-52261
http://www.theonion.com/article/advisors-hopeful-jeb-bush-finally-has-momentum-end-52282
http://www.theonion.com/article/christie-describes-isis-grave-towering-meaty-threa-52305
http://www.theonion.com/article/new-hampshire-covered-shadow-floating-clinton-camp-52325
With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates:
Marco Rubio: Can establish himself as the GOP frontrunner by pulling off a resounding third-place sweep of the nation’s early primary states
Bernie Sanders: A big win in New Hampshire would show doubters that 40 years spent relentlessly championing progressive causes can pay off in a state adjacent to one’s own
Donald Trump: After finishing lower than polls predicted in Iowa, Trump needs a strong win in New Hampshire to prove that mathematics is still a useful system for understanding reality
Hillary Clinton: Just needs Earth to make a complete rotation Tuesday so that she can move on to South Carolina
Ted Cruz: Has little at stake in New Hampshire, as advisors have assured the conservative, evangelical senator that the state’s reasonable, levelheaded GOP voters are not representative of Republicans nationally
John Kasich: The moderate Republican needs at least a fourth-place finish in New Hampshire to prove he is the party’s true heir to Jon Huntsman
Carly Fiorina: The former Hewlett-Packard CEO is looking for a strong performance in Tuesday’s earlier GOP undercard primary
Ben Carson: Staffers have already moved on to researching which primary comes next
Chris Christie: Finishing fourth or lower puts the New Jersey governor in serious danger of not getting to go to Mama Jenny’s Shrimp And Grits Hut in Beaufort, SC
Jeb Bush: Almost done, buddy
http://www.theonion.com/article/advisors-hopeful-jeb-bush-finally-has-momentum-end-52282
http://www.theonion.com/article/christie-describes-isis-grave-towering-meaty-threa-52305
http://www.theonion.com/article/new-hampshire-covered-shadow-floating-clinton-camp-52325
With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates:
Marco Rubio: Can establish himself as the GOP frontrunner by pulling off a resounding third-place sweep of the nation’s early primary states
Bernie Sanders: A big win in New Hampshire would show doubters that 40 years spent relentlessly championing progressive causes can pay off in a state adjacent to one’s own
Donald Trump: After finishing lower than polls predicted in Iowa, Trump needs a strong win in New Hampshire to prove that mathematics is still a useful system for understanding reality
Hillary Clinton: Just needs Earth to make a complete rotation Tuesday so that she can move on to South Carolina
Ted Cruz: Has little at stake in New Hampshire, as advisors have assured the conservative, evangelical senator that the state’s reasonable, levelheaded GOP voters are not representative of Republicans nationally
John Kasich: The moderate Republican needs at least a fourth-place finish in New Hampshire to prove he is the party’s true heir to Jon Huntsman
Carly Fiorina: The former Hewlett-Packard CEO is looking for a strong performance in Tuesday’s earlier GOP undercard primary
Ben Carson: Staffers have already moved on to researching which primary comes next
Chris Christie: Finishing fourth or lower puts the New Jersey governor in serious danger of not getting to go to Mama Jenny’s Shrimp And Grits Hut in Beaufort, SC
Jeb Bush: Almost done, buddy