View Full Version : When you met the one?
There?s a ton of happily married folks within this forum.
How did you know he/she was the one and what made you pull the trigger?
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I got her pregnant at 19. So my hand was forced. Best mistake I ever did though. 3 kids later and we live a good life
Well about a month prior to meeting my wife I was getting ready to move out of state and after a 3-4 horrible dates I sat down and prayed "Lord im tried of meeting skanks so if I was ment to be married can you please bring my wife across my path".
Well my plans to move got squashed so I I was suck in the state one more semester when I Met my wife in Cisco semester 1 ccna.
I first talked to her because;
a. I'm a guy and horny and she was a cute blonde with a nice body
B. She was reading a book on the big red one.
After asking if she was doing a report on it she said she loved reading about ww2. Well that made me ask her out. She had a boyfriend at the time that she was dating that was a complete punk so I told her that she should dump him. We went out the day she broke up with him (before actually) and went and saw XXX when it came out (yes I'm old). She broke up with her boyfriend that's day and scheduled our 2nd date a week later.
After talking with her about everything in the world we could talk about we had dinner and started watching a movie, well my wife falls asleep easy when shes comfortable so she passed out and I thought I'd go ahead and do dishes, went to get up and she grabbed me with a need and urgency that I had never experienced before. We talked some more and she started giving me a back rub.......that's when I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Been together 16 years and married 15.
The old comments of "you'll know when you meet her" is absoultly true, there's not a day that doesn't pass I dont thank God for giving my wife the strength to put up with me.
Great-Kazoo
11-07-2018, 23:14
There?s a ton of happily married folks within this forum.
How did you know he/she was the one and what made you pull the trigger?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
[ROFL2]
She helped / threw me over a 6' fence when the cops chased us. Apparently drinking in the local park was illegal after dark That was almost 45 years ago.
She was the younger sister of a friend. Tall, skinny, leggy brunette, ready to jump in to the fray along side me rather than sit on the side line.
I got her pregnant at 19. So my hand was forced. Best mistake I ever did though. 3 kids later and we live a good life
17 here. 3 kids, 9 grandkids and 40 years this past September. Married my best friend.
When you meet the right one, you'll know.
Hard to tell someone else how they'll know because everyone is different.
My wife and I have very little in common but I think that's kind of what makes us work. We sort of compliment each other. We accept each other for who we are and neither of us has ever tried to change anything about the other one.
Oh, and great sex doesn't hurt either.
pickenup
11-08-2018, 01:44
A couple of weeks after getting together, I took off, went elk hunting. Was gone for a few weeks, when I got back, she was still here.
She liked riding on motorcycles. Only transportation I had here, in Colorado, in the winter time.
Later, she bought me a firearm. That was it, I knew she was the one. LOL
And like ray said, sex might have something to do with it.
Scanker19
11-08-2018, 05:36
I knew it was her when I looked through my scope and saw that sparkle that only she had in her eyes. That’s when I knew I had to pull the trigger.......
Oh you said happily..... never mind. Disregard.
Bailey Guns
11-08-2018, 07:43
Oh, and great sex doesn't hurt either.
Well...sometimes it does.
It's difficult to explain, but it's happened twice. Both times, I wasn't looking for "the one". In fact, I wasn't even looking.
When you meet the right one, you'll know.
Hard to tell someone else how they'll know because everyone is different.
My wife and I have very little in common but I think that's kind of what makes us work. We sort of compliment each other. We accept each other for who we are and neither of us has ever tried to change anything about the other one.
Oh, and great sex doesn't hurt either.
I'd pretty much say the same thing. When I met my wife, there was an immediate attraction, she had the right mix for me and I for her. I think World View is important to have in common. I proposed on a Thursday and went Elk hunting for 5 days after...she was not mad about it at all. Not saying it is easy. We broke up after a year of dating as we had some things to work out individually, but we remained friends and really worked on stuff and after about a year, we started dating again and got married about 3 years after we met. Marriage is not easy either, but we agreed that if we got married, it was forever, no matter what. She has brought me the greatest pain and the greatest joy. 22 years and 2 boys.
Martinjmpr
11-08-2018, 09:28
Well, as a guy who was single the first 47 years of my life I may not be the best one to give advice but I'll throw my $0.02 in anyway:
First of all, IMO people often focus too much on "finding the right one" and not enough on "BEING the right one" for someone else. It takes two people to make a marriage work and both of you have to be "all in."
In 23 years in the military I saw a lot of marriages fall apart and often times it was because the marriage was shaky from the beginning. If you go into it for the wrong reasons, you're setting yourself up for failure. So make sure it's what you want and not just a refuge from loneliness, horniness, or whatever. I saw a lot of marriages in the military where I seriously wondered why the hell they were even together since they both seemed miserable and neither of them really wanted to be there, but they just kind of stayed together out of inertia, or maybe fear of being alone, I guess.
On the flip side, I also saw some rock-solid marriages that withstood tremendous stresses that most civilians never experience (imagine being in a marriage with someone who could call you from work today and say "Hi, Honey. I'm getting on a plane this afternoon to go to the other side of the world, I don't know when I am coming home and oh, by the way, I might come home in a coffin." but that's a reality that military spouses live with all the time.)
The one thing I noticed was that the guys with the wandering eyes never had marriages that lasted. Not in my experience, at least. The guys who thought TDY meant "Temporarily Divorced" always had rocky relationships. On the flip side, the guys with the solid marriages never even got tempted to stray - it just wasn't in their nature.
Interesting topic - just the other day I spent about a half hour on the phone with one of my old friends from the Army. He retired as a Chief Warrant Officer a few years ago but he's still happily married to the Honduran woman he met when he was TDY there in the mid 80's. His oldest son - who I bounced on my knee when he was still a toddler, and posed on my motorcycle back in Fayetteville - is now a captain in the Air Force (God that makes me feel old!)
Forgot to add: Wife and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next month. Still going strong!
BPTactical
11-08-2018, 10:06
Married 31 years come December.
She was young, attractive, blind, deaf and dumb.
I knew right then she was the one for me![Love1]
Great-Kazoo
11-08-2018, 11:44
If the OP is asking for any reason other than swapping war stories...
Bear in mind that statistically speaking, arranged marriages are about as successful as regular marriage, i've heard even more so.
The underlying fact of the matter is, if you're around someone long enough, love often grows on it's own. That's a blessing and a curse. Arranged marriages work because they skip over the "twinkle-eyed honeymoon" that's as fake as Cher's face, and start from day one building a real relationship. [Don't take this to mean I advocate that kind of thing at all, I think it's wrong, just referencing marital studies] I'd focus less on finding "the one" that makes twinkles in your eyes; as there's not "just one" and those initial emotions are highly deceptive. Focus far more on finding a "right one", recognizing there are many fish in the sea, and DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS. Find someone you are fully compatible with - trustworthy, personality, etc. You don't need a reason to leave someone you are dating (a mistake many men make), being incompatible or things "not being right" are good enough. Don't settle. It's far better to get married for the first time at age 50 than divorced at age 50 after suffering 30 years of a brutal marriage.
Initial attraction is important, but that's all that initial emotion really boils down to. Don't sacrifice your life solely for a young face, cause the hardships will long outlast it, and you won't get to see it long.
ETA: And by DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS, I mean cognitive dissonance is strong when "you're in love". You need to recognize when you're trying to explain away bad behavior. "I mean yeah, she totally held a knife on me, but that's just because she REALLY loves me so much that it's hard for her to control herself"... "I mean, yeah, she voted for Obama, but she's totally a conservative now, cause we agree on everything except abortion, taxes, health care, the military, guns, LGBT, socialism, Bernie Banders, home defense, law enforcement, government, children, uhhh..... and you know what they say, OPPOSITES ATTRACT!"
Recognize when you are trying to rationalize things. Collect the facts, and look at the big picture instead. Act logically, not with "your heart", or you could be one of those poor saps getting divorced after 15-25 years of torture. It's probably the most important decision you can make in your life, so don't make it quickly.
ETA 2: Also understand the red flags of Cluster-B's well, as somewhere between 1:10 and 1:20 of the women out there fall in that category, but because of how prolific they are, it's more like 1:5 "available" daters.... Rule #1: If they are trying to lure you in with pity, run the hell away. Don't ever answer another call or text. Date people whose shit is together.
Thank you sigmund freud
Never thought a starting a relationship really needed analysis
Thank you sigmund freud
Never thought a starting a relationship really needed analysis
True.
And people wonder why marriages fail. It is not a job interview. If she does not make your heart race, skip it and move on. Sure, keep your eyes open and make sure you have the basics of compatibility. My wife does not try to change me, I want to change to be a better husband to her. There is a world of difference. Boring is well, boring.
TEAMRICO
11-08-2018, 12:10
.....now I just want to pull the trigger!
I’m kidding.
Grant H.
11-08-2018, 12:12
True.
And people wonder why marriages fail. It is not a job interview. If she does not make your heart race, skip it and move on. Sure, keep your eyes open and make sure you have the basics of compatibility. My wife does not try to change me, I want to change to be a better husband to her. There is a world of difference. Boring is well, boring.
This.
I met my wife as a 17yo kid at a church summer camp. There was lots of pretty tail running around, but she had the whole package for me. Attitude, intelligence, smokin' hot, and called me on things even when I'd just met her.
We were friends for a couple years, despite me chasing something more (she was enamored with a guy in OK where she lived). She figured out he wasn't going to be a great option when her mom was told he had plans for a house on his parents property, that included a master bedroom, a kitchen, a single bathroom, and a bunk room with 6 bunk beds with boys and girls names on all 12 beds all ready...
After that, We progressed rather quickly, and got married when we were 20.
Much like Ray said, we don't have all that many common interests, but it works.
BushMasterBoy
11-08-2018, 12:28
23 and me will do a DNA analysis. Science don't don't lie. Women will. Try not to marry your cousin. I never married. WTF do I know!
https://www.23andme.com/
wctriumph
11-08-2018, 12:40
You never know at first, just have to see how things go. If you both work at it and don't take the easy way out, it can work.
I have been with my wife nearly 40 years and we have one grown daughter that is finally (mostly) on her own.
It has been quite the journey and God willing, we still have a ways to go. She is my rock and without her I would undoubtedly be in prison or dead.
Women want to feel secure, Men want to feel significant.
We became best friends, first. Had a great deal in common, and had all the requisite hallmarks for a terrific relationship: respect, high esteem for the other's regard, and similar ethics and morals. Our love started so slowly that we didn't even realize what it was at first, and still burns as brightly now, 26 years later.
Dlesh123
11-09-2018, 01:07
I bought the first one I sat in 45 years ago, still have the car, after 10 yrs and two kids the wife left. She was from the big city, I was from the farm. But I thought she was my best friend when we got married. 7 years later went for rd 2, met her at a community college class. Something intrigued me about some things she had done in life. She missed some classes, I was working out of town and missed some classes, she finally called me and of course before she could leave her number the phone recorder ran out of tape. But we overcame. Both from a farm background, both have classic chevys, both like pets. Got married on Friday the 13th, 28 yrs ago. Oh and when I wanted to invest in a $xx,ooo gun, all she said was are you sure and was on board with it when I said yes. Triggers:always practical, first time thought it was a good idea and two could live cheaper than one, second time, had an assignment to go to Hawaii for a week, only way to take my girlfriend was to get married, so we did, the assignment fell through, so we went to Alaska instead. To the OP, just make sure you don’t have rose colored glasses on, you aren’t there to ensure her happiness and she is not there to insure yours, but you should both be happy when together. Lots of situations can work, just takes commitment to do so, gauging that level of commitment can be very difficult. You might make a mistake, but that should not keep you from trying. Best of luck.
Bailey Guns
11-09-2018, 08:11
Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.
ChickNorris
11-09-2018, 08:48
Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.
Exactly
Great-Kazoo
11-09-2018, 09:14
If you want an objective informed answer, maybe get responses from more people from failed marriages too, which is probably more informative. I bet they won't all recommend jumping in blindly and can explain why. Don't ask for new car sales advice from people who bought the first one they sat in 40 years ago. It's nice that theirs worked. Yet, they have nothing to actually offer to keep yours from being a lemon.
What Cluster type is it that ass-u-mes the one, one is in a relationship with was their first car ?
Scanker19
11-09-2018, 10:19
23 and me will do a DNA analysis. Science don't don't lie. Women will. Try not to marry your cousin. I never married. WTF do I know!
https://www.23andme.com/
I married my first cousin. But only because it's legal here in NM. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States_by_state
Fun side note according to the chart it's okay to bang your first cousin in Oklahoma but they draw the line at marriage. Now they tell me....
Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.
As long as you don't get each other's names tattooed on yourselves, you should be free from a real 'commitment'.
As far as 'how long' you need to know each other prior to marriage, my folks might be another data point. They got married after only weeks of dating. Been married for 60 years so far.
Little Dutch
11-09-2018, 14:52
I had a bunch of acquaintances get married immediately after high school graduation, or within a year or two of it, and pop out a few kids. They were all, 100% of them, divorced within a few years. It made me a little gun shy on the whole marriage thing, with the understanding that people change and no one knows who they really are in their late teens and early 20's.
I was keen on staying away from anyone who tried to live my life for me. Simply put, I didn't want to have to ask permission, manipulate, or otherwise have to pull a fast one to go fishing Saturday morning.
The best advice I ever got was to marry up.
As far as knowing who "the one" is, I have no advice. I dated my wife for 6 or 7 years before proposing. I had seen enough crazy in my college years that I wanted to be sure there weren't any surprises...
I asked my wife to marry me on the third date. We met on a blind date on a Saturday night (arranged by my mom) and were engaged on Tuesday. To our credit, we did take Monday off.
We were both ready to be married and involved in other relationships that were going nowhere. We spent Tuesday evening comparing notes about values and goals and found we were very compatible. Of course, there was physical attraction. We decided then and there. I asked and she said "yes". We were 24.
I wouldn't recommend this approach for anyone unless mom picks the mate! Seriously, my mom knew what kind of girl I needed to be happy, and she had the wisdom of age to be able to recognize her when she met her. I'd say if your mom didn't set you up, you'd better date for at least a full week before committing. [Coffee]
We've been married 28 years. We have two great little kids, three businesses, and more friends than we have time to enjoy. I'm a lucky guy.
I'm greatly appreciative of all the responses everyone has posted in this thread.
So why did I post it? I had been drinking at the time and....
From being on these forums over the years I've learned that this group is a collective of awesome people who not only preach about the importance of having strong wholesome values but also live what they preach. I knew at the time of posting this many of you have been married for a long time.
I've been divorced since 2013 and ended a long term relationship July of last year.
Between the breakup and a whole bunch of other crap that's happened in the past year including medical issues that almost killed me a couple times my life has been insane and not in a good way. I've had a lot of 'casual' friends over the past year and haven't been in the market for anything serious.
This past July I went on a date with a woman I met through an online dating site. We met with the typical low expectations you have after you've done the online dating thing for a while and within a short period of time hit off like I've never hit it off with anyone before. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm with someone who's made for me and according to the conversations we've had it goes both ways. I felt that way after our second date and the feeling has grown even stronger since.
I've met her family and they feel like family to me. We all have similar values and get along like we've known each other our entire lives. Her father and I are going Elk hunting together next week, that's how well we've bonded. We recently let our kids meet and they get along extremely well. Our oldest sons now text each other daily and all the kids look forward to the next time they can all hang out.
It's amazing and it's terrifying all in the same.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk (question bug temp edited by foxtrot)
I can only assume that, since you both have kids, you have both been married, or at least had a serious relationship with other people.
When two people have the same basic values and worldview, the biggest hindrance is usually baggage. Each will have some from their biological family, as well as the second family after you left your parents. For that reason, if is was me in your circumstance, I would ask her if she would be willing to go and meet with a relationship coach. This coming from a person who is "shrink" adverse, a skilled coach (or mentor) is what we have in our careers, sports, etc. Sure some of that will come from your (and her) parents, but a coach can see past those issues of each and help you figure out how to best deal with the baggage and tensions of a committed relationship. It is NOT marriage counseling, or pre-marital counseling. I have suggested this to several who are dating and the few who have taken this step have said it was incredibly beneficial.
Best of luck.
Met my wife in high school in auto mechanics class. I couldn't believe such a beautiful woman was that much into cars and after our first date I knew she was the one. We eloped, we were both under aged, her mom wanted her out of the house and I forged my parents signatures on the license (her mom signed). That was 47 years ago and we're still best friends and have a great marriage with one kid and one grand-kid.
I can definitely tell you how to pick the wrong one (twice for me). Whatever you do, don’t ignore or justify red flags; those issues don’t get better with marriage. Additionally, there will be bad along with the good; if you and your potential partner aren’t committed even when things are off, you will never survive. Every couple I know including my parents who were married 66 years had their issues that could have ended their marriage if they weren’t committed. There are potential issues with blending a family; be aware of them and don’t ignore the issues if they come up. I pretty much see the whole thing as a gamble; you may win or you may lose with the person you are dealt. Good luck!!!
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