View Full Version : To date, or not to date? A red flag question
Well, the title could be taken a few different ways, but getting back in to the dating scene has me wondering about the impact of red flag laws and the people we date. There?s been a few relationships I would have ended much sooner or simply not started had they been initiated after the advent of red flag laws.
I?m looking for a show of hands as to wether a red flag law would have prevented anyone here from being in a relationship with a crazier than average partner, or any great stories that might be related.
I'm more worried you m.f.ers on this site will flag me.
I'm more worried you m.f.ers on this site will flag me.
It won’t be us, it’ll be one of the 70k bots that farm this site
GilpinGuy
09-07-2019, 21:15
The problem with serious crazies is that you don't find out they're crazies until too late. Some are obvious and should be avoided at all costs, regardless of red flag laws.
The problem with serious crazies is that you don't find out they're crazies until too late.
I just recently learned that lesson, cluster B is a scary thing to deal with, and what made me create this post.
If you're worried about mental illness, you stand to go through a lot more hell than just remembered flag stuff.
I'm more worried you m.f.ers on this site will flag me.
This is the truth. I once lost a job from a false accusation, and it was no liberal.
KevDen2005
09-07-2019, 22:27
I once dated a girl from Louisiana, craziest person I ever knew.
OtterbatHellcat
09-07-2019, 22:39
Well, the title could be taken a few different ways, but getting back in to the dating scene has me wondering about the impact of red flag laws and the people we date. There?s been a few relationships I would have ended much sooner or simply not started had they been initiated after the advent of red flag laws.
I?m looking for a show of hands as to wether a red flag law would have prevented anyone here from being in a relationship with a crazier than average partner, or any great stories that might be related.
I don't know what your age bracket is, but I wish you good luck. Dating at 50 blows ass, but there will be a nice gal out there for you, I'm sure.
Red Flag horseshit isn't a concern imo. Psycho bitches have existed since the apple and the snake....just don't let the little head dictate what the big head sees.
Everything would be fine.
Until it's not.
Just run on the premise that every woman is bat shit crazy and you?ll be fine.
And excuse me for making assumptions. If you?re looking to date men then I have no good advice.
OtterbatHellcat
09-07-2019, 23:43
lol.
Ray's still up.
ChickNorris
09-08-2019, 04:47
Does this help?
Great-Kazoo
09-08-2019, 06:17
Just run on the premise that every woman is bat shit crazy and you?ll be fine.
And excuse me for making assumptions. If you?re looking to date men then I have no good advice.
Oh i hear that can be a real pain in the ass, too.
Great-Kazoo
09-08-2019, 06:21
it's always been a possibility of getting the crazy. I will say this. NEVER date a woman when they're going through menopause, NEVER!
IF you were married and now no longer in that realm. OR had a close relationship with a woman with child. Those mood swings during her pregnancy. That's just a peewee league warm up of what the real thing is.
it's always been a possibility of getting the crazy. I will say this. NEVER date a woman when they're going through menopause, NEVER!
IF you were married and now no longer in that realm. OR had a close relationship with a woman with child. Those mood swings during her pregnancy. That's just a peewee league warm up of what the real thing is.
That sir, is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
It's not just the girlfriend... gotta look at the family too, especially mommysito.
Curious what you went through but don't expect you to kiss n tell either.....
So I'll just presume you got stabbed with a steak knife for sweeping the floor in the wrong direction, and then she called you in as a suicide risk. [Beer]
Reality is, if red flag is a severe enough concern to not want to ever get laid again; then society's ills will be over inside of a generation. Lets face the fact... if the opportunity presents itself, you'll, uh, "dive right in", and you're going to spend enormous effort trying to convince yourself that she's not crazy, she's a 10 on the hot-crazy matrix but the graph is just a internet joke and it's not real. It's only after you're being stitched up for the ninth time and she accuses you of having an sordid affair with literally satan himself that you start to listen to the little voice that's been screaming the whole time.
More appropriately though, the solution you're looking for is to be suspicious and quick to jump ship early on - before your own dissonance completely takes over and you become blind to the psycho.
Remember: You don't need a good reason to run away early on. Simply not being a good fit / something not feeling right is good enough.
And Rule #1: NEVER GO BACK. NEVER ENGAGE WITH THEM AFTER LEAVING. Out of all the people they victimize, I don't ever see Cluster-B's victimize people who leave, stay gone and never respond to the "I miss you" or argumentative crap, period, or just block their phone. Their game is one they automatically win if you engage with them as an ex.
Rule #2: Don't fall for pity plays. Date people who have their shit together and you'll be fine.
JohnnyDrama
09-08-2019, 08:54
I dated a nice hippie chick from Durango for a little while... She was pretty crazy. That was twenty years ago. I don't know if I'd do that again... It was fun while it lasted but I've learned to steer clear of hippy chicks. It has more to do with the various social media platforms out there and the willingness to follow the lemmings than being really crazy.
There are a lot of women out this way who are really into the same outdoor things I am so it's easy to start a conversation. It's also pretty easy to figure out how they stand on firearms. I usually start by mentioning fishing - and not just fly fishing and catch and release. Then move on the hunting. That brings up firearms and shooting. This is when we can see whether or not to pursue the relationship and further. Seems to be a lot more maturity among the fiftyish crowd than when we were in our thirties.
theGinsue
09-08-2019, 09:49
she's a 10 on the hot-crazy matrix but the graph is just a internet joke and it's not real.
<SELF EDITED>
Back to the OP's question: I'd be more concerned with breaking up with a nut job with red flag laws. A woman scorned and all that.
Back to the OP's question: I'd be more concerned with breaking up with a nut job with red flag laws. A woman scorned and all that.
I think that's what he implies as well. The strategy shift makes it safer though: Break up much earlier when its easier (and you're not completely blind), and then essentially "Ghost" any future contacts. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, if they go out of the way to stalk you you're busy or not there (e.g. Ginsue's example is a good one to follow).
[edited]...
Zundfolge
09-08-2019, 12:09
Boy I'm glad I'm a boring old married guy ... I'd hate to date in this modern environment. Not just because of Red Flag laws (that's the latest stupidity) but with third wave feminism, #metoo, cancel culture, STI/STDs and all that SJW BS, I really feel sorry for you young single guys.
Based on my experience dating back in the 80s-90s, I dated a few nutters ... and one thing I learned is that if they're quick into bed and they're good at it when they get there they're likely nuts.
So you're best off dating good girls and waiting until marriage for the sex. Good luck finding good girls these days :p
Thing that makes it most difficult finding quality women is in making sure you've made yourself a man that deserves a quality woman. If you spend your weekends picking up and shagging skanks at bars (as much fun as that can be), don't be surprised when the good girls don't want to have anything to do with you.
At any rate, don't date women you have serious disagreements on important value based issues (this likely will include guns).
I agree on the value based issues, people shouldn't believe though that hobbies should agree. Generally I think a woman who is "not into guns" (but is not opposed to them) is going to more likely, turn out better than the woman that "REALLY LIKES GUNS". I'm talking on average, not about any individuals.
The reason why is largely the same as the hot/crazy matrix: Attention.
I'll give you an example. I once saw a "6.5" go into a gun store and she asked to buy a box of 50 BMG rounds. She said she was going shooting with her boyfriend. Mind you, that at the time was probably $60.
I kid you not, 5 guys were clamoring over each other desperate to pay for her ammunition. That undoubtedly, her boyfriend, e.g. swinging dick was going to be shooting, but that's not the point.
Most women get large amounts of attention they don't like or appreciate. However, once a woman starts "appreciating" that attention and gets an unusual amount of it - or modifies activities to get more attention - the HCM pegs off the chart - hot = attention which = crazy, and it's possible to obtain that "hot" attention without being a "10".
Once again, not talking individuals, plenty of exceptions, blah blah blah. Fawning and attention generally goes to people's heads and if they appreciate it, it makes them crazy.
This is probably the last place I'd ask for dating advice.
Yeah no kidding. Dont make guns/the fear of losing them the deciding factor in your romantic life. If someone is going to unjustifiably red flag you you're going to have plenty of signs first that she ain't the one
Red flags for me are women that don’t have a good relationship with there dad. Not every woman is like this, but I have met a lot that have issues. Women that can’t get over an ex you should pass on.
wctriumph
09-08-2019, 14:18
Been with the same woman for 40 years so ... no advice here ...
I agree on the value based issues, people shouldn't believe though that hobbies should agree. Generally I think a woman who is "not into guns" (but is not opposed to them) is going to more likely, turn out better than the woman that "REALLY LIKES GUNS". I'm talking on average, not about any individuals.
The reason why is largely the same as the hot/crazy matrix: Attention.
I'll give you an example. I once saw a "6.5" go into a gun store and she asked to buy a box of 50 BMG rounds. She said she was going shooting with her boyfriend. Mind you, that at the time was probably $60.
I kid you not, 5 guys were clamoring over each other desperate to pay for her ammunition. That undoubtedly, her boyfriend, e.g. swinging dick was going to be shooting, but that's not the point.
Most women get large amounts of attention they don't like or appreciate. However, once a woman starts "appreciating" that attention and gets an unusual amount of it - or modifies activities to get more attention - the HCM pegs off the chart - hot = attention which = crazy, and it's possible to obtain that "hot" attention without being a "10".
Once again, not talking individuals, plenty of exceptions, blah blah blah. Fawning and attention generally goes to people's heads and if they appreciate it, it makes them crazy.
This attention seeking behavior should have initially tipped me off, but a well established beautiful woman / former pro athlete chasing after me was too much to turn down after my dog died. Crazy / hot matrix should have been a dead giveaway as well.
Boy I'm glad I'm a boring old married guy ... I'd hate to date in this modern environment. Not just because of Red Flag laws (that's the latest stupidity) but with third wave feminism, #metoo, cancel culture, STI/STDs and all that SJW BS, I really feel sorry for you young single guys.
It can?t be all that bad these days. I hear oral and other things aren?t really even considered sex these days. You can meet a nice girl that won?t let you go to home plate but is perfectly fine with letting you get to first, second, or even third base.
It can?t be all that bad these days. I hear oral and other things aren?t really even considered sex these days. You can meet a nice girl that won?t let you go to home plate but is perfectly fine with letting you get to first, second, or even third base.
And at that point, just as you're swinging around for the home run, he finally tells you "So you know, I identify as..."
And at that point, just as you're swinging around for the home run, he finally tells you "So you know, I identify as..."
And the whole night, I had been hoping “she” was just Italian
Well..... asking this bunch for dating and relationship advice is like asking a Salmon how to ride a bicycle.....
I’m really not lookin for “advice”, so much as personal opinions and perspectives on how Red Flag Bills May have impacted members dating choices and decisions had those bills already been in effect.
That, and I figured I’d get a few humorous stories about people dating women from Florida, Louisiana, or god forbid you can hold on to the crazy ride of a French Canadian.
I don't know why you guys are ripping the groups collective experience. Between everybody I think at least three or four guys went on a date once or twice in the 80's before getting hitched a month later. And that hair was amazing dammit! The rest are probably cave dwelling hermits that grunt from the shadows.
Here's a irrelevant philosophical question:
Who would generally have the better advice, e.g. who would you be more inclined to listen to:
1. People who swung a home run on the first hit (Married to first love for 50 years)
2. People who have swung out a lot (Divorced say, three times and dated a lot, maybe married to current spouse 5 years).
My answer:
Type 1) for opinions regarding success like "when do you know they were right?" or "how do you make it through periods of argument"
Type 2) for opinions regarding failure like "how to I get them to leave me alone?" or "how do you work out child splits with their best interest when your ex is nuts".
Neither apply to me, ftr. Just saying I think it's silly when people think type 1) has all the answers when in truth, it's partially a crap shoot of luck, and some people get somewhat lucky and find someone that stays compatible for life.
Others find a HCM-10 and get stabbed in their sleep, but survive.
(Type 1) doesn't have an iota of experience with that shit.
You kind of need to grasp both the success stories and failures when you're young. Realistically, wisdom isn't learned, its just experience, so most everyone's pretty f'ed if they start with the "wrong" person.
I'm not ripping the group's experience. There have been some good points made.
...and French Canadian women...some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen were in Montreal........
I won’t go in to much detail on an open forum but let me say I’ve had false accusations made about me at my place of employment that had to come from a crazy ex. Thankfully my employer listened to and believed me. I’ve also had an email account signed up with every dim presidential candidate with a quite unflattering first name, yeah she knew that email address. Without some serious cyber investigation I can’t prove it’s her but that’s the suspicion. Hopefully she realizes what her consequences would be for filing a false red flag report. She’s crazy but smart.
Can you believe you are asking for advice on whether or not it is safe to date?
This is what an all too powerful state is like. Fear, around every corner.
-John
What I can’t believe, is the belief that I’m asking for advice. I’ve got my own take on things, appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences, and was asking if anyone else would have ended a relationship sooner if Red Flag laws had been around. I figured there’d be some funny stories that would have come from this thread as well.
I have no idea about what you are asking, since red flag laws are new, and yet you are asking for other people's experience (only?!)
Suffice it to say that I think Red Flag Laws are bad for dating.
-John
Zundfolge
09-08-2019, 21:08
Well..... asking this bunch for dating and relationship advice is like asking a Salmon how to ride a bicycle.....
Glib cynicism is fun and all, but the truth is the majority of the folk that post here are likely happily married family men. Apparently most of us here were capable of finding suitable mates somehow so we may not be the worst group to ask.
I have no idea about what you are asking, since red flag laws are new, and yet you are asking for other people's experience (only?!)
Suffice it to say that I think Red Flag Laws are bad for dating.
-John
My OP:
Well, the title could be taken a few different ways, but getting back in to the dating scene has me wondering about the impact of red flag laws and the people we date. There?s been a few relationships I would have ended much sooner or simply not started had they been initiated after the advent of red flag laws.
I?m looking for a show of hands as to wether a red flag law would have prevented anyone here from being in a relationship with a crazier than average partner, or any great stories that might be related.
I?ve struggled with grammar and syntax my entire life, though I thought I was clear in asking about how a red flag law might have impacted a relationship with an off balance or crazy person in the past, had the red flag nonsense already been enacted.
Honestly I don't know why you're so worried about red flag laws. I know at least one person in my personal life that had bogus DV chargers and can no longer have guns. That's been a threat for a long time, and has a WAY lower threshold than red flag laws with exactly the same outcome. Three only time you should be worried about laws when dating is if you're doing illegal things.
In the nicest, most polite way possible, it sounds like you're just nervous to get back into the game and are stalling by asking here. Get out there and mingle and you can chat with us later.
It's pretty clear that red flag laws should scare anyone that dates anyone. Or anyone that interacts with anyone.
An individual other than yourself, can indict you, and say you are "dangerous" and the state will take over and "interact with you" on your date.
-John
Getting back out there is what I’m doing already. I believe this question came up while reflecting on past relationships and the progression of what I’m looking for in someone I date. I don’t personally believe in the “if you’ve done nothing wrong then you have nothing to fear” concept, especially when it comes to dating women lol
I know, I was just giving you a crappy analogy.
Idk. I never actually dated someone that I would've been afraid of in that fashion. Now, it would've been a concern when I helped some people (outside of dating), but I still would've done the right thing anyway. Then again, I detected and bailed reeeal early on the crazy ones. But Ive helped a lot of people that got sucked in deep, and it's a shitshow. I've seen several fake TROs etc... The belief that keep your nose clean and you have nothing to worry about is incorrect. More correctly, be someone who other people are afraid to piss off (and I don't mean from a violence aspect) and you never have to worry.
ETA: example. A 9.5 on the HCM that I found on a blind date that cast bullets for work. In her 20s. Could strip a 1911. (I thought I got lucky at the time!) Wanted to join the coast guard and have someone waiting at home.
Nope.
Later heard she got kicked out of the coast guard.
Yup.
JohnnyEgo
09-08-2019, 23:14
I like to pick 'em bat-shit crazy from the start, so at least I know what I am getting into.
Strategy hasn't failed me yet!
BREATHER
09-09-2019, 07:54
My major in college was Forensic Psychology and it was when I was in my 40's. Had I studied that earlier in life, I would not have even considered dating 3/4 of the bitches I did date
Great-Kazoo
09-09-2019, 08:36
On a serious note I'd say the hell with the Red Flag concerns and be more worried about the #METOO ones.
If you're casually dating why bring up guns in the 1st 1 or 3 dates? I'd be more worried about a date that goes on to an intimate encounter or two. Then the person in question freaks over something. OR one of her friends puts a bug in their ear, next thing you know you're being charged with a sexual assault.
Not possible? In todays sensitive feels age what began as a great sexual partner turns in to a nightmare, for some. Not everyone, just something i'd be more worried about.
I'd also suggest any text, emails etc you swap are saved. Hell i had even given thought (if the marriage didn't work) to actually record any dates i were on. Just in Case.
With that said like Johnnyego. I'm a guy who loved dating the disaster, crazy, women. Oh to revisit some of my younger years.
I married a redhead. Crazy doesn't scare me.
I'm late to the conversation, as usual.
Listen to your gut, and don't even broach the topic in question with her until you've had some time to see her reactions and test your spidey senses.
There are plenty of recreational things to do- you don't need to immediately bring up the topic of guns. I wouldn't even do the topic of hunting, personally. Take her to a movie with a lot of action and shoot-em-up, then segue into the topic of favorite action films over dinner or coffee.
If, at any time, your gut tells you, "I like her, she's fun, but there's juuuust something that makes me wary..." then LISTEN.
One thing I haven't seen yet is that fact that crazy attracts crazy. You also have to watch out for CrazyEyes' even crazier friends. If a breakup is in the future and CrazyEyes is sobbing over Appletinis with her friends, and her friends find out you have guns, they may be vindictive enough on the bestie's behalf to call it in.
Discretion in this day and age is your friend. This is not a topic to lead with. Even if the women brings the topic of firearms up, treat it as a test. Because it might be. You can mention the fact that you are not adverse to the idea, but do not swallow the bait on the first pass. See what I mean?
I married a redhead. Crazy doesn't scare me.
...ooooooo..... you win.
"Oh LUUUCY, I'm HOME!"
In todays sensitive feels age what began as a great sexual partner turns in to a nightmare, for some. Not everyone, just something i'd be more worried about.
I'd also suggest any text, emails etc you swap are saved. Hell i had even given thought (if the marriage didn't work) to actually record any dates i were on. Just in Case.
^^^This. I have done this. Save evidence in the event something goes sideways (which it did).
I think Biggie Smalls had the best advice for this situation.
jreifsch80
09-19-2019, 04:53
Find someone just as worried about the same things as you and you'll have even more in common ��
You know how many germs is in one of those!?
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