Are you an Arvada Police Officer? (or any Officer) Would you PM me please?

[Glock Shooter]

Greetings,

I'm looking to chat with an Arvada Police Officer about the best way to prevent an uncomfortable encounter. We just signed a new parenting agreement with my wife's ex-husband regarding his weekend visitation of our 6 year old daughter. The new agreement gives my wife the right to have a visual walk-through of his residence prior to every visitation by our daughter (trust me it was necessary, last year he took her to an abandoned flop house in Lakewood, his decision making is flawed).

We really need some advice on how best to proceed to make sure my wife is not in any danger while inside his apartment, not the least of which is to have an Officer outside on a "stand-by to prevent" call. We just don't want to waste the time of an Officer who could be out there doing real good for the community having to play baby-sitter with us.

I should have written this sooner but we just signed the agreement on Friday and the 1st walk-through is at 5pm.

Thanks in advance, feel free to post replies or PM if you want to chat in private.

[hip55]

I'm not an LEO, but have a few thoughts as a single Dad -

Is she his daughter, or yours?

Can you stay outside while your wife does the inspection?

[Glock Shooter]

I have been in my daughter's life since her 3rd birthday, she just turned 6 last month. In my heart she is my daughter, biology or no biology. I love her. Her bio-dad is missing all but a few of his teeth, has no "recordable job", is 5 months behind on child support, drives her without a license or insurance while smoking cigarettes. I am the only positive Father she has in her life.

Sorry for the rant, yes, I will absolutely be outside but the last thing I want is a confrontation in front of my little girl. She's already freaked out enough as he involves her in adult matters all the time. He sobs on her shoulders all the tiem about how life has just dealt him such a bad hand. One of my N.Y.P.D buddies I keep in touch with refers to him as "A bad guy".

We're thinking the best way is to have her cell phone on speaker to me while video recording everything with a hand-held camera this way there can be no misunderstanding. I stand outside the door with the door open.

Please know that this is the last thing we want to have to do every week but he's such snake. How people can use children as pawns is beyond my belief system.

[hip55]

Man, that's a tough situation.

What did your attorney recommend?

[Glock Shooter]

Unfortunately, after talking over so many different issues with our attorney about the new order, we let the "how to" slip regarding the inspection. If he were a reasonable person we'd just call him to talk it over so there would be no problem. But he's not a reasonable person and he would use everything we talk to him about as a sign of weakness on our part and cause problems for problems sake.

I suppose we just have to take tonight 1 step at a time and if my wife feels unsafe at any moment she just leaves and we take it up in court on Monday.

[mx'r]

man, sticky situation for sure. In any case where a child is involved, there is alot of emotions. I'd use LE for the first time and see how it goes. This kind of situation can get out of controll very quickly. good luck. you sound like a good dude for stepping up for the child.[Beer]

[hip55]

Well, be careful GS.

Let us know how it goes for you - http://s3.amazonaws.com/advrider/lurker.gif

[steveopia]

I'd use LE for the first time and see how it goes.

X2

If it's an option there's no reason not to IMO. Maybe even give the dude a heads up so he knows what to expect thus not causing a scene in front of the kid.

Have you called the PD to see what they're thoughts are on the situation?

[Glock Shooter]

X2

If it's an option there's no reason not to IMO. Maybe even give the dude a heads up so he knows what to expect thus not causing a scene in front of the kid.

Have you called the PD to see what they're thoughts are on the situation?

Thought about calling them, I guess a friendly heads up would be prudent to put it out there that we don't want any problems.

[Byte Stryke]

Mind you I am not an attorney or a LEO, but there are a few things that I would be contesting.
Smoking around the child or placing the child in an environment where smoking occurs, Arguable as Child endangerment.(I actually faced this one a few years back)
The Car Insurance and Licensing issue shows lack of personal and civil responsibility. Your Daughter would not be covered in the event of an accident.(from his side)I would bring these up at the courthouse, make them a point of visitation "In the Best Interest of the Child's welfare and safety." (You wont find anyone to argue against that.)

If you Honestly believe he is a danger, Call the Local PD.
You are only wasting their time if its NOT a probability. Some PDs/Sherrifs have/had Domestic Advocates. They come out, walk the house or accompany Visitations/Exchanges that have a history of "issues".

Asking for help isn't an issue. I Certainly wouldn't be afraid to call someone out if I thought that Harm might come to a member of my Family.

[Glock Shooter]

Thanks all. Believe you me we have detailed all of this in the new parenting agreement: No driving our daughter by anyone unless they furnish proof of valid drivers license and auto insurance, my wife has medical and educational power of attorney, he is court ordered to be in therapy, he has to have a working cell phone while she is in his care, to avoid stressing our little girl we drive an extra 1/2 hour to pick her up rather then have him show up late on the bus, and that's just a few of them. So many things any reasonable person would just take for granted we have to spell out. All the things we had to put in about serious issues the only thing he wanted was to be notified about any haircuts she might get. I have never met a more passive aggressive hateful person in my entire life, and I grew up in NYC.

[Byte Stryke]

the only thing he wanted was to be notified about any haircuts she might get.

Sorry, WHAT?

Now this rings an entirely different set of warning bells.

[Glock Shooter]

Warning bells have been ringing for a long time. That's why we have such a great new court order, he has no wiggle room this time.

[Glock Shooter]

Didn't go well....guess the attorney's get involved tomorrow.

[Byte Stryke]

Sorry to hear that.
I wish we, as allegedly adult Human beings, could get along and resolve our differences in a manner that didn't cause financial or emotional hardships on each other.

as far as the Other waning bells, it struck me as odd that he is not concerned with grades, friends, activities or interests. He wants to be notified if she gets a Haircut?

There is something seriously creepy about that.
When was the last time your Daughter spoke with a Court officer/counselor/whatever they are called this week

[Glock Shooter]

We have had to bend over several ways to get him to come to the table. Lately we've been attending "Family Therapy" with him, but his problem is he's fine in the room but has no intentions of holding true. The therapist even had the nerve to tell me that my expectations of him might be too high, but that far worse people get visitation rights. I'm not getting upset, he can't fool me again, I knew this could happen. Now it's time for a nice lawyer letter then we're off to court later this morning to file the motion.

[steveopia]

That sucks. Good luck man.

[GhostRider]

Good luck with this one buddy, but it does sound like you are the DAD she needed her whole life.