Death in the family

[lebru]

Step-dad had a heart attack suddenly yesterday. We weren't very close, my mom got re-married when I was 22 (5 years ago). But my mom is taking it rough and I got some of his stuff in the will. I feel really super sad about it but don't know what to do. I have a great relationship with my real dad, but losing my step dad has been bumming me out.


How have the older and wiser coped? This is the second close death to me, I was too young to really remember the first. I have already cracked open some whiskey.

[ldmaster]

Is not only for soldiers in combat - it happens in everyday life too.

You will ALWAYS regret that you didn't see someone one last time, or that at some point you didn't make amends for some argument, or even that you dont feel anything in particular about someone's death.

When someone close to you dies, it's time to take stock of yourself and decide that if it were YOU, is there anything about your life that needs attention?

I just lost a fellow officer, and I didn't think I'd take it as hard as I did - but it was pretty messy when I broke down.

After a few days remember that the person you're trying to honor would probably want you to laugh, remember them fondly and renew your relationships with those who are important to you - it's what I would want people to do.

Be with your mom, take care of things without asking her what she needs done. Clean the kitchen, wash and fill her car with gas. Honor the gift he gave you in his will, and decide how he meant you to receive it. It's clear that even if he had other people in his former life to leave these things to, he chose YOU to leave them to, he must have thought you were a decent person - and he must have loved your mom very much.

Cry, drink, get hung over - tell stories about him to anybody who will listen - ask your mom to tell you things, don't just stew - TALK!

I feel for you man, I really do...

[lebru]

Just sucks for her. Like I said, we weren't that close its just kinda rough being around it and seeing it. I guess it makes me value life more.

[zteknik]

sorry to hear of your loss-and i feel your pain
i too use to crack open the bottle when it happened
but from personal experiance it aint worth it!!(rehabs are expensive-i know)

best thing to do is be there for your mom-with you easing her pain itll help with yours-just the act of helping helps yourself as well

when you start feeling down do like you did here-let somebody know
talk for a bit-it takes the hurt away
Prayers help too if you follow that sort
so i will send a few Prayers out

[Bailey Guns]

What ldmaster said. Sorry for your loss.

[ronaldrwl]

I'm sorry to heard about your step-dad. I don't know what to tell you except maybe spend as much time as you can with your loved ones.

[Cannon Fodder]

Step-dad had a heart attack suddenly yesterday. We weren't very close, my mom got re-married when I was 22 (5 years ago). But my mom is taking it rough and I got some of his stuff in the will. I feel really super sad about it but don't know what to do. I have a great relationship with my real dad, but losing my step dad has been bumming me out.


How have the older and wiser coped? This is the second close death to me, I was too young to really remember the first. I have already cracked open some whiskey.

lebru, my condolences on your family's loss.

Though I'm not old by definition of age, I have seen my share of death. What I can say, that many others have said so far, is time and talking will help heal all wounds.

When my brother died by his own hand, I can't begin to describe to you how crushed and emotionally distressed I was. I was already a Soldier at that time, and kicked into full "strong supportive" mode, but I hurt for a long time inside.

One thing that I started to do on that day, that I have done in times since then: When someone close dies, take the time to sit and write an essay about the good experiences and the humorous memories. Then, read it to your family. Read it at the funeral if appropriate. They and you will appreciate the memories.

Hope this helps,

Chris

[StagLefty]

Good advice from a great forum. It's never easy but it's reality Bro. My condolences for you and your family.

[Byte Stryke]

Honestly, I Suck at things like this. So I will simply Offer my condolences.

[BlasterBob]

I guess it makes me value life more.

Sorry to hear of your loss. You are going to find that the older you get and the more experience you gain, you will really value life even more. I know!!

[Big Wall]

My condolences to you and your family. Remember to let other people help you out too. It lets you and them feel better.

[Monky]

Sorry to hear about your loss, regardless of how close losing people who were in your life is difficult.

Everyone grieves differently. I have been pretty fortunate and never lost anyone close to me up till about 4 years ago.. I had never been to a funeral.

You seriously think you're a strong person till you lose someone.

Best thing I can say to do is to talk about it.. don't be afraid to be angry about it. Just don't keep it inside or find a vice to numb yourself. I've been there and tried that..

I'm certainly not old, or wise.. but I did learn to deal with loss. If you need to talk or shoot the shit.. or hell if you wanna go punch some holes in paper.. We could even throw on some boxing gloves if that would help. Whatever you need to do to get it out.. just don't keep it inside.

[lebru]

Thanks guys. Feels a lot better today, we just had to go through all his stuff yesterday in his storage unit so it was pretty hard. All of the cool stuff went to his real kids, which I didn't really care(old firefighter stuff). I scored a sweet couch though.

It is sad to see people that young dying. He was 60, and granted he didn't eat a very healthy diet but still. Anyway, thanks again. Moral of the story is, eat lots of fiber and omega 3 I guess.

[jerrymrc]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I feel that I am not to far away from round two. Between 88-91 I lost all my grandparents. I was deployed for everyone of them. My step dad is 80, my father is 77 and mom is 75. my uncle is 78 and I am the executor for all of them. I just lost a close co-worker of 19 years and he was only 63. I just deal with it as best I can.

[sniper7]

sorry to hear that. Just try to get out and enjoy some things. take your mom along and get her out and her mind off things.

[Elhuero]

my condolences lebru.

God put an ugly face on death so we wouldn't hurl ourselves through life to reach it. (something my father told me once that stuck with me)

also this, because it's an awesome quote and I love it

"When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." - Chief Aupumut (1725), Mohican.

[hip55]

The best thing that you can do is to show your mother whatever support you can.

[pickenup]

Sorry to hear the sad news.

[theGinsue]

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of loss for you. And it IS a time of loss for you, even if you weren't particularly close to him.

Be there for your mom and follow the advice ldmaster provided. He is a wise man.

[DD977GM2]

Prayers for you and your family

[lebru]

my condolences lebru.

God put an ugly face on death so we wouldn't hurl ourselves through life to reach it. (something my father told me once that stuck with me)

also this, because it's an awesome quote and I love it

"When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." - Chief Aupumut (1725), Mohican.

I have heard that before. I really enjoy that quote.

[Wulf202]

having dealt with this far too much lately everyone's advice is sound.

Sorry for your loss.

Now back to planning my trip to say goodbye to my grandma who's in hospice...........