View Full Version : Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was invited to a birthday party. Norris dared one kid to suck all the helium out of all of the balloons. Today this kid is known as Justin Bieber.
Sharpienads
08-12-2011, 11:41
Oh, I can tell already that I'm gonna like this thread...
Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
patrick0685
08-12-2011, 11:42
chuck norris's tears can cure cancer...to bad he has never cried[Beer]
Albert Einstein said man will never be able to go the speed of light, so Chuck Norris went faster than light around the world and roundhouse kicked Einstein. Since he has changed his name to Stephen Hawking.
airborneranger
08-12-2011, 12:36
There is no such thing as evolution. When Chuck Norris gets bored with an animal, he beats it into a new shape.
jscwerve
08-12-2011, 12:38
When Chuck Norris gets cold, he just turns the sun up.
There is no such thing as evolution. When Chuck Norris gets bored with an animal, he beats it into a new shape.
OH MY GOD! [ROFL1][ROFL2][LOL]
I almost fell out of my chair!
Chuck Norris said let there be light- so he turned on the switch- God said "Thanks, now I can read my new Tom Clancy novel."
ThunderSquirrel
08-12-2011, 12:46
Charlie Sheen may be winning, but Chuck Norris has already won.
Sharpienads
08-12-2011, 12:53
When Chuck Norris learned about JFK's assassination, he built a time machine, traveled back in time, and round housed the would be assassin in the face, killing him instantly. JFK saw this and his head exploded from the pure awesomeness.
jscwerve
08-12-2011, 12:59
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
mcantar18c
08-12-2011, 13:03
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs36/f/2008/257/7/3/CHUCK_NORRIS_TOILET_PAPER_by_tranixter.jpg
Jesus maybe able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
There is No theory of evolution.
Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
Chuck Norris takes care of the homeless, he gives them roundhouses.
Chuck Norris doesn't age, he levels up.
All the spells that Harry Potter does is just television-friendly versions of things Chuck Norris can do with is dick.
Chuck Norris gets road head when the girl is driving.
I have a picture of Chuck Norris as my phone wallpaper and when I drop it the floor breaks.
If you watch the 2 girls one cup video really loud you can hear Chuck Norris in the background say "Now eat it."
Chuck Norris can fold water.
If you piss off Chuck Norris and he gives you the finger he's not telling you off, he's telling you how many seconds you have to live.
The French surrender to Chuck Norris everyday at 2pm
Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris treats heartburn by swallowing a live grenade.
In elementary school the teacher asked Chuck Norris how many stripes are on the American Flag, he replied "yes." He was correct.
Chuck Norris is the only one to win Jeopardy without answering in the form of a question.
Chuck Norris is incapable of reproducing because the human womb can't handle his sperm.
The TSA has stated that you are not allowed to say "Chuck Norris" on an airplane.
If you have 5 dollars, and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck still has more money than you.
Chuck Norris once had a bout of bad gas, the result was Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
WillysWagon
08-12-2011, 16:24
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the Earth down.
WillysWagon
08-12-2011, 16:26
Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
WillysWagon
08-12-2011, 16:26
The boogey man looks in his closet, for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris pours milk into his Rice Crispies, they shut the f*ck up.
SSChameleon
08-12-2011, 16:30
If you see Chuck Norris banging your wife, get him a glass of water because he might be thirsty.
There is no global warming, it is just the earth's fear of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris adds Facebook as a friend
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a tanktop, he wears a whole tank.
Barry Bonds didn't inject steroids. He injected Chuck Norris' sweat.
Chuck Norris was once pulled over.....he proceeded to arrest the police officer.
When Chuck Norris adds you as a friend on Facebook, there is no ignore button.
Chuck Norris once had a fight with Justin Beiber. The loser couldn't go through puberty.
Chuck Norris tells women "My eyes are up here."
blackford76
08-12-2011, 20:36
Chuck Norris got drunk once, and as a joke, pissed in the fuel tank of a Kenworth. That truck is now called Optimus Prime.
blackford76
08-12-2011, 20:37
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.
Chuck Norris can un-scramble an egg.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn. He just stares at it and dares it to grow.
srhcustom
08-12-2011, 21:04
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented every color of the visible spectrum except pink... Tom Cruse invented pink
When Chuck Norris goes for a swim in the ocean he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris
blackford76
08-12-2011, 21:24
Life is a game, and Chuck Norris makes the rules.
BPTactical
08-12-2011, 21:48
Chuck Norris jokes are so bad not even Chuck Norris thinks they are funny.
He thinks nothing is funny though.
Although the Optimus Prime and Barry Bonds ones made me chuckle.
srhcustom
08-12-2011, 22:13
If you and I were to fight, Chuck Norris would win.
M16- The Right Arm of the Free world
AK47- The right arm of the rest of the world.
Mosin Nagant- The right arm of Chuck Norris
patrick0685
08-12-2011, 23:59
Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
patrick0685
08-13-2011, 00:02
Chuck Norris can win connect four in three moves
patrick0685
08-13-2011, 00:03
Giraffes didnt exist until Chuck Norris uppercut a horse
Chuck Norris's Daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Once Death had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can turn off the light and kick your ass before the room gets dark.
My son left his Chuck Norris action figure in my Daughter's room now all of her Barbies are pregnant.
Chuck Norris named his legs Law and Order and in middle that's named Special Victims Unit.
lead_magnet
08-13-2011, 00:10
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
srhcustom
08-13-2011, 03:31
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands... They are now known as the Islands.
Chuck Norris put Humpty Dumpty back together again
Chuck Norris doesn't need a control key on his keyboard because he is always in control.
Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.
Tapeworms give food to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' account at match.com was immediately teminated because no one is a match for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten
Chuck Norris won the London Marathon in 2005 while sunbathing in California
BPTactical
08-13-2011, 08:00
Ya'll got issues.
Especially Ranger[Tooth]
Seamonkey
08-13-2011, 08:48
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
All humans used to be immortal. Chuck Norris invented death just so he could get rid of some.
mevshooter
08-13-2011, 09:01
Best political commercial EVER.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE (http://youtu.be/EjYv2YW6azE)
Right now, somewhere on earth, Chuck Norris is slaying a dragon...with his pinky.
Best political commercial EVER.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE (http://youtu.be/EjYv2YW6azE)
Awesome!
Awesome!
Chuck BADASS Norris approved......FOR SURE!!!!
Am I the only one that thinks this thread is Chucked up?
Drilldov2.0
08-13-2011, 21:25
I could knock out chuck in one punch.[Beer]
Colorado Luckydog
08-13-2011, 21:45
My friend and karate instructor (Johnny Gorrell) was on Walker Texas Ranger. He got his ass kicked by the bad guy.[ROFL1]
I'd say Johnny Gorrell could kick Chuck's ass. Just saying........and I'd bet money on it. LMFAO!!![ROFL1]
patrick0685
08-13-2011, 22:40
Best political commercial EVER.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE (http://youtu.be/EjYv2YW6azE)
now thats a good commercial
wctriumph
08-13-2011, 23:28
Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie on a unicycle.
Sometimes, just for fun, Chuck Norris likes to stroll around the summit of Mt. Everest while smoking a cigar.
When Chuck Norris gets drunk, he doesn't throw up... he throws down.
Achilles is supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot: the Achilles tendon. Notice, there is no Chuck Norris tendon.
The 'c' in Einstein's 'E = mc^2' equation originally stood for Chuck Norris. But Einstein realized no human mind could fully grasp the concept of Chuck Norris multiplied by Chuck Norris, so he dumbed it down to something easier to understand, like the speed of light.
Chuck Norris has been the "Employee of the Month" at the buffet down the street from me every month since they've opened. He's never even been there.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
All of it.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When Chuck Norris works out, he has a small crew of Asian women who catch his sweat in little bottles and sell it on Ebay as a powerful aphrodesiac. And lubricant.
BPTactical
08-14-2011, 09:56
Somebody fer Chrissake either kill Chuck Norris or this thread...................................
AirbornePathogen
08-14-2011, 10:40
OK, for any other "24" fans out there:
The Boogeyman may check his closet for Chuck Norris every night, but Chuck Norris checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once peed in the gas tank of a semi, just for fun. That semi is now known as Optimus Prime.
I've got pages of these, i can go on...
www.jackbauerfacts.com (http://www.jackbauerfacts.com)
Only Chuck Norris can end discussions about him.
If Chris Costa wanted this thread closed, it would be done. Chuck Norris is Chris Costa's bitch.
Chuck Norris cannot compete with this: [Muaha]
http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i445/TangoDownPro/CostaShirt.png
Once upon a time, Chuck Norris, The End.
Chuck Norris has to courtesy flush while taking a piss.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
When Chuck Norris blinks his eyelids break the sound barrier... when Chris Costa blinks an earthquake occurs.
Chuck Norris has never been patted on the back.
Chuck Norris was having relations with his lady friend when she tried to roll over so she cuould be on top. Chuck Norris roundhoused her and said, "Chuck Norris NEVER F*cks up".
Pregnant women should consult their doctors before being in the same room with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention - attention pays him.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick
wctriumph
08-16-2011, 14:11
Chuck Norris doesn't put his shirt collors up, his shirts get an erection when he put them on.
Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas"
Horses claim to be hung like Chuck Norris...
chuck norris does not swim , he lets the water surround him
Big Wall
09-12-2011, 19:56
Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
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