For you history guys

[mcantar18c]

I got a good chuckle out of this one...


Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. (Chuckle)
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[baglock1]

Well, Germany did hit Belgium, right?

[Irving]

I like it. Where was God damned Switzerland during all this?

[jscwerve]

I like it. Where was God damned Switzerland during all this?

In the bathroom holding onto Germany's purse full of stolen jewelry and art.

[JohnTRourke]

that is funny.

[Scanker19]

That's pretty funny. Made me laugh out loud.

[alxone]

funny stuff

[SAnd]

Anti America bull.



.Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

...While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

Japan stayed on the other side of the room but attacks everybody in sight, including America. America then declares Japan an enemy. Germany backs their buddy Japan and declares America an enemy. Then America attacks Germany.

While Germany, and most of the world, was flat on their back America gave them assistance to get back on their feet.

[Seamonkey]

That's pretty funny, who wrote it?

[JohnTRourke]

Anti America bull.



Japan stayed on the other side of the room but attacks everybody in sight, including America. America then declares Japan an enemy. Germany backs their buddy Japan and declares America an enemy. Then America attacks Germany.

While Germany, and most of the world, was flat on their back America gave them assistance to get back on their feet.


wrong war
the joke is about world war 1!!!!!!

1914-1919

[SAnd]

Oops. Totally blew that one. I didn't pay close enough attention.

[cstone]

The bar never did get fixed up. Germany didn't have enough money in it's wallet and couldn't pay for it's own beer, so it started taking beer from it's neighbors. When Japan realized that it could just take beer from it's neighbors, and get away with it, that is what they did.

The Italians realized that their neighbors in North Africa had beer, so they took it. Meanwhile, the French, and British shook their fingers at all this beer stealing and said that they would not tolerate such poor behavior in the bar. The Americans just went on brewing their own beer.

Germany and Russia agreed to split up their side of the bar and all of that beer and they sat down at Poland"s table. Britain and France said that was completely unacceptable. They told Germany that they were fighting, but they never threw a punch. Germany said "you're damn right we"re fighting." and knocked France out shortly after punching Belgium (again). Britain threw a few feeble punches while standing over France's body, but was eventually forced to leave the bar.

Germany started throwing chairs and tables at Britain, and America quietly started sharing beer with Britain. Japan was partying it up with most of the beer and on many of the tables on the other side of the bar and Britain was barely able to keep any of their old tables and chairs on that side of the bar. The Americans started brewing more beer.

Germany got pretty cocky after beating France and Britain silly. France handed over their tables and even brewed some beer for Germany. Germany turned around and cold cocked Russia. At first it looked like Russia would go down, but Russia was like a club fighter. Russia could take a beating and keep on fighting. Russia gave ground and Germany kept punching. The Americans quietly sent beer to Russia.

Then, from across the room, Japan sucker punched America. America should have seen it coming, but it didn't matter. Now America was pissed and decided to put a hurting on Germany and Japan. America brewed lots of beer for everyone in the bar and secretly started distilling whiskey.

America and Britain built up their beer supplies on Britain's table and supplied beer to Russia while Germany punched itself out on Russia's bloody face. America punched Japan repeatedly across the other side of the bar until they could get close enough for a knock out.

About the time that Russia had turned the fight around and was beating Germany, Britain and America jumped on Germany's back and beat it into submission. tired of fighting and knowing how hard it would be to knock out Japan, America climbed up to the ceiling and dropped a couple of kegs on Japan's head, knocking it out cold.

Britain and America helped France totter back into it's chair. America rebuilt Japan and Germany's tables and chairs and gave them some beer. America and Russia began distilling as much whiskey as they could for the next fight.

[Irving]

wrong war
the joke is about world war 1!!!!!!

1914-1919

Beat me too it. I don't know shit about World War I, except for how it started.

[Elhuero]

failure

[Elhuero]

more failure

tried to post comics that ended up tiny and blurry.

go here to see it. click once to enlarge.

http://angusmcleod.deviantart.com/art/World-War-One-Simple-Version-128505446

[KevDen2005]

Anti America bull.





Agreed, and I still think it's funny.

Plus the US did stay out of WWI a lot longer than maybe it should have. On the other note, The US Did suffer sever casualties because of the learning process of which Britain and France refused to really help with. Most of their help was really a show and any help that was received was because of major threats of US Forces leaving.

[KevDen2005]

Also Doughboys is an excellent read about WWI. Very long but good. And On Hallowed Ground is a good book about a lot of wars but gives some information about WWI and the relation to Arlington National Cemetery.

[JohnTRourke]

. We lost over 100,000 troops in roughly 5 months of fighting. Wow.

well considering the brits (not the french though, they learned) were still losing 60,000 to 70,000 men in 3 days as late as 1916/1917 I wouldn't call that bad.

but I do agree that the war was over, no reason to do dumb things up til the very end.

[colocowboy01]

Anti America bull.


Beat me too it.

[KevDen2005]

Why should we have entered WW1 sooner? It wasn't our war, there was no just cause...just prick European royalty using millions of subjects as pawns for their financial/territorial gain.

Even without US involvement there seems to be enough evidence to prove that Germany would have lost the war by 1920. England's naval blockade was starving Germany to death- hundreds of thousands of German civilians were going down due to starvation and Spanish Flu. The Uboat war failed. Germany had lost the war of production- no tanks (20 tanks total for the whole war!), no aircraft, and reduced output of artillery and guns. When Germany pulled her troops from the East to do Operation Kaiserschlact in 1918 England and France handled it well- over 1 million casualties for the Germans and no real gains. England had figured out how to stop German attacks and improved artillery fire spelled the end for those asshole Huns.

England and France wanted American troops integrated into their armies for quicker deployment and training. There was a tremendous learning curve fighting a trench war and our allies thought integration would help American troops learn the ropes. Blackjack Pershing got that idea tossed. He wanted independent US forces and control- a noble idea but a bloody one. America used a great deal of allied artillery, tanks, and aircraft to fight the war- we couldn't get it over there and our aircraft/tank experience was pretty poor. Amazing how we invented the airplane but didn't have a good fighter to fight a war. Even Austria was ahead of us in fighter development.

Casualties? A large number of these were AVOIDABLE. Many have criticized Pershing for the large number of casualties we suffered because they were needless. He demanded attacks up til 11am 11/11/18- no need for this, the war was over. That's what an armistice is- we didn't invade Germany and finish them off. We let Germany retreat and ferment for 20 years until WW2. England and France has slowed their assaults but Pershing forced his troops to continue. We lost men up til the bitter end- canon fodder. I admire Pershing but that is a black mark on his record. We lost over 100,000 troops in roughly 5 months of fighting. Wow.


Well I think there is enough evidence to show that the effects of the war definitely was felt by the US. I would also suggest that U Boat attacks were getting more severe even on merchant ships that were clearly marked with US markings or clearly coming from America. Although the casualty rate was much lower than our European friends Americans were still dying aboard ships. Further, I know the Zimmerman Note is controversial but I think that definitely adds a bit of reasoning for war.

After reading several books on this I definitely would agree that many casualties were avoidable for a number of reasons, including the fighting not just the day of the armistice, but the week prior when word spread that the war was ending. But a large number of deaths were due to disease and poor medical practices of the time.

Since you brought up the fighter issue, I would say a major part of the problem was that not only were we staying out of the war, the US was very stupid on not doing any preparation. They didn't start training, advancing technology, or really building up a military prior to our involvement. It was Wilson's best attempt to keep us neutral but if there is a war that big going on I still think preparedness would have been key.

The American integration into European armies wasn't just a quick idea. It was the same argument that Pershing had over and over again with both the French and British. I think he was right in doing so as well. American soldiers should never deploy and fight under a foreign flag in my opinion.

I also don't disagree about the naval blockade. I don't think it would have been quite as early as 1920, however that is hindsight and I don't think anyone could have really known that at the time. Both the French and British were still really worried about losing up until summer of 1918 when the US started really gaining some victories on the battlefield.

[Veritas]

I'm no expert on WW1, but if the US had stayed out its likely both sides would have fought to a stalemate. Even if the Allies won, its' likely the peace would've been more fair. The treaty of Versailles was almost a big a travity as the war. The Treaty of Versailles all but ensured another war would be fought.

[Ronin13]

Interesting story about what happened during WW2...
The story of an Army Ranger Colonel during WWII:
Sent to SE Asia to help countries repel the Japanese Imperialist invaders the US gets a progress report back from the leader of their team training resistance in a small SE Asian country known as Vietnam. The report comes just months before the Manhattan Project is complete. The report tells how the fighters are doing well and are very receptive to training. Their leader, Ho Chi Minh, however is not very friendly and a real bad guy. Within 20 years the Colonel predicts this will be a new problem for the US and that ground forces will need to be deployed to keep them in check.
The year of this report... 1945. Date we officially went to Vietnam in a combat capacity 1965... remember, in our history we created a lot of our enemies.
1919- Germany suffers under treaties imposed after WWI. 1939....
1945- US Sends Rangers to train resistance in Vietnam. 1960's & 70's.
1987- US Begins funding Mujahadeen in Afghanistan to fight Russia. 2001....
1980's- US gives funding and weapons to Iraq to fight Iran. 1991 & 2003.
1991- CIA trains anti-Saddam forces to stage uprising in Iraq. 2004/2005...
I'm not saying we should become isolationists, but we should be a little weary that we are creating our next crop of enemies in some of these hotbeds of activity where we train and arm militias and military personnel. (I won't go into it about central and south America).

[Elhuero]

Interesting story about what happened during WW2...
The story of an Army Ranger Colonel during WWII:
Sent to SE Asia to help countries repel the Japanese Imperialist invaders the US gets a progress report back from the leader of their team training resistance in a small SE Asian country known as Vietnam. The report comes just months before the Manhattan Project is complete. The report tells how the fighters are doing well and are very receptive to training. Their leader, Ho Chi Minh, however is not very friendly and a real bad guy. Within 20 years the Colonel predicts this will be a new problem for the US and that ground forces will need to be deployed to keep them in check.
The year of this report... 1945. Date we officially went to Vietnam in a combat capacity 1965... remember, in our history we created a lot of our enemies.
1919- Germany suffers under treaties imposed after WWI. 1939....
1945- US Sends Rangers to train resistance in Vietnam. 1960's & 70's.
1987- US Begins funding Mujahadeen in Afghanistan to fight Russia. 2001....
1980's- US gives funding and weapons to Iraq to fight Iran. 1991 & 2003.
1991- CIA trains anti-Saddam forces to stage uprising in Iraq. 2004/2005...
I'm not saying we should become isolationists, but we should be a little weary that we are creating our next crop of enemies in some of these hotbeds of activity where we train and arm militias and military personnel. (I won't go into it about central and south America).

true.

very awesome info.

but even in the 60's we could have beat the tar out of vietnam.

same with korea.

we didn't because of the fear it would flare into a larger conflict with the russkies.

[ronaldrwl]

Lame
France did little more than tickle Germany.
Britain took some hard blows but didn't fight back much.

[KevDen2005]

I'm no expert on WW1, but if the US had stayed out its likely both sides would have fought to a stalemate. Even if the Allies won, its' likely the peace would've been more fair. The treaty of Versailles was almost a big a travity as the war. The Treaty of Versailles all but ensured another war would be fought.


Well I personally think history is no fun if we can't have a friendly argument on the "What If's" or "Whys" of what happened, since no one will really ever know, they can only speculate.

[KevDen2005]

Interesting story about what happened during WW2...
The story of an Army Ranger Colonel during WWII:
Sent to SE Asia to help countries repel the Japanese Imperialist invaders the US gets a progress report back from the leader of their team training resistance in a small SE Asian country known as Vietnam. The report comes just months before the Manhattan Project is complete. The report tells how the fighters are doing well and are very receptive to training. Their leader, Ho Chi Minh, however is not very friendly and a real bad guy. Within 20 years the Colonel predicts this will be a new problem for the US and that ground forces will need to be deployed to keep them in check.
The year of this report... 1945. Date we officially went to Vietnam in a combat capacity 1965... remember, in our history we created a lot of our enemies.
1919- Germany suffers under treaties imposed after WWI. 1939....
1945- US Sends Rangers to train resistance in Vietnam. 1960's & 70's.
1987- US Begins funding Mujahadeen in Afghanistan to fight Russia. 2001....
1980's- US gives funding and weapons to Iraq to fight Iran. 1991 & 2003.
1991- CIA trains anti-Saddam forces to stage uprising in Iraq. 2004/2005...
I'm not saying we should become isolationists, but we should be a little weary that we are creating our next crop of enemies in some of these hotbeds of activity where we train and arm militias and military personnel. (I won't go into it about central and south America).

Very awesome info. Do you perhaps have a source so I can reuse this info? Thanks.

And I didn't know about the CIA training Saddam Forces (I'm assuming it's the Baath party). I knew that Iraqis wanted an uprising but I thought they were pissed at us for not helping.

[cstone]

LameFrance did little more than tickle Germany.
Britain took some hard blows but didn't fight back much.

France fought very hard during WWI. They were bled white during that war as was much of Britain. The French certainly had nothing to be proud of during their brief resistance before capitulation in WWII, however, there is plenty of evidence that elite French fighting forces today hold their own quite well.

Germany practically ran the exact same play to open the western front in WWII that they had in WWI. This time however, they had learned the all important lesson of speed in maneuver warfare. Air power supporting armor made all the difference in pushing France and Britain out of the real fighting for nearly four years.

Western history really short changes the fighting done by the Russians in WWII. I realize that the US and Britain helped the Russians, but those Reds really shouldered the burden of the land war in Europe for several years.

[Ridge]

http://i.imgur.com/z3PFx.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/6hxYc.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/C4guW.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/3zA2U.jpg

[Ronin13]

Very awesome info. Do you perhaps have a source so I can reuse this info? Thanks.

And I didn't know about the CIA training Saddam Forces (I'm assuming it's the Baath party). I knew that Iraqis wanted an uprising but I thought they were pissed at us for not helping.

It was in a documentary on the history channel some years back- not sure which. And you misread my timeline- it was anti-Saddam forces (against the Baath party with assistance from the Kurdish Rebels). We helped where we could, but the UN pressured the US to leave after we liberated Kuwait, thus the CIA couldn't stay too much longer and had to leave. Mistakes were made in the 1990's... let's not even try to touch on Rwanda and how Clitton totally botched that.

[KevDen2005]

It was in a documentary on the history channel some years back- not sure which. And you misread my timeline- it was anti-Saddam forces (against the Baath party with assistance from the Kurdish Rebels). We helped where we could, but the UN pressured the US to leave after we liberated Kuwait, thus the CIA couldn't stay too much longer and had to leave. Mistakes were made in the 1990's... let's not even try to touch on Rwanda and how Clitton totally botched that.


Totally agreed on Rwanda. It would have been really good for the US Image to help them out though. That way not all the extreme lefties say the US only goes to war over oil, etc.

[low drag]

Interesting story about what happened during WW2...
The story of an Army Ranger Colonel during WWII:
Sent to SE Asia to help countries repel the Japanese Imperialist invaders the US gets a progress report back from the leader of their team training resistance in a small SE Asian country known as Vietnam. The report comes just months before the Manhattan Project is complete. The report tells how the fighters are doing well and are very receptive to training. Their leader, Ho Chi Minh, however is not very friendly and a real bad guy. Within 20 years the Colonel predicts this will be a new problem for the US and that ground forces will need to be deployed to keep them in check.
The year of this report... 1945. Date we officially went to Vietnam in a combat capacity 1965... remember, in our history we created a lot of our enemies.
1919- Germany suffers under treaties imposed after WWI. 1939....
1945- US Sends Rangers to train resistance in Vietnam. 1960's & 70's.
1987- US Begins funding Mujahadeen in Afghanistan to fight Russia. 2001....
1980's- US gives funding and weapons to Iraq to fight Iran. 1991 & 2003.
1991- CIA trains anti-Saddam forces to stage uprising in Iraq. 2004/2005...
I'm not saying we should become isolationists, but we should be a little weary that we are creating our next crop of enemies in some of these hotbeds of activity where we train and arm militias and military personnel. (I won't go into it about central and south America).

The fate of Turkey was just left hanging, not to mention the end of the Caliphate which was the catalyst in the creation of the muslim brotherhood. A good chunk of the problems we face today can be traced back to the end of WWI.

Trust me, I'm not a muslim apologist. I'm just saying....