View Full Version : Raising teenagers
Limited GM
10-01-2011, 12:47
This will probably turn into a deleted thread considering most guys on here seem near a teenager than an adult, but...
Long story short my 15 yr old son had two girls come over after school to see him. They were here a couple hrs and then I became aware that it was..too quite. I went down stairs to find his bedroom door shut, which is a serious no-no in this house when company is here. I opened the door and all three are in his bed, tv on, lights out, under a blanket.
I carried the girls home and my son felt nothing inappropriate was done.....until I suggested I'd drive him back to the girls house and let him ask their Dads opinion.
Better yet, Im thinking of letting MX'r explain to my son how it would have turned out if HIS daughter had been here. [Tooth]
They were just tired dude. You have no idea how much work school is nowadays.
Ummm damn dude.
Well its about that age, I remember getting busted with a hand full of my gf by my mom when I was that age.I think you should let him talk with MX to see if he felt it would be ok to have his daughter in some bed, I have a feeling he won't think its ok.
Byte Stryke
10-01-2011, 12:54
Tad conflicted here...
One one hand I concur with you as a father that the behavior is wholly unacceptable.
on the other hand I would want to pat him on the back for getting the 3-some on at 15 [Beer]
We will concede to your initial judgement.
You might also mention it to the parents of the girls that they are now "Active" and let their parents take the appropriate steps if they haven't already.
:D
SideShow Bob
10-01-2011, 12:58
As a father of a now adult daughter, if I would have discovered said situation when my daughter was 15, let's just say I would probably be still serving time on my sentence.
Limited GM
10-01-2011, 12:59
I dont think they were "getting busy", but IMO its still just a tad to much at their age.
I know at that age I'd been trying for any contact what so ever and been half blind with a 22" bicep by morning.
Just saying...
Limited GM
10-01-2011, 13:01
As a father of a now adult daughter, if I would have discovered said situation when my daughter was 15, let's just say I would probably be still serving time on my sentence.
THATS EXACTLY what I want HIM to understand! Think I'll let him read that. thanks Bob.
Byte Stryke
10-01-2011, 13:07
Now speaking as an adult that raised many boys...
we know all of us were active around that age.
I got my first girl at 15...
I think an honest adult sit-down is needed for all parties.
The Girls are just as, for lack of a better word "Guilty", as the boy is.
Unless their cries for help were what alerted you...
and I Hate using the word "Guilty" because its natural, its going to happen with or without your guidance. Be it in the basement, back seat, hotel room or tool shed... if they want it to happen, it will.
SouthPaw
10-01-2011, 13:19
I know at that age I'd been trying for any contact what so ever and been half blind with a 22" bicep by morning.
You forgot that it gives you acne as well... [LOL]
and blindness with hairy palms...
sometimesright
10-01-2011, 13:27
Well, being on the daughter side of the teenage raising, I really don't mean this the way it may sound, but I'm thinking raising boys may be a little less "involved" than raising the female version. Sounds like conversations need to be had all the way around. The "nothing happened" story is a popular one, and sometimes true. I'd rather not take the risk, however, and begin some candid conversations. Better to be involved than not...
It is a difficult call, but I'm thinking I might also have a conversation with the parents on the other side. Ignorance may be bliss, but speaking only for me, I'd like to know (even though I'd like to believe it wouldn't happen) so I could have some discussion. No matter what all the books and experts say, emotions sometimes come into play when parenting and the good advice isn't always easy to follow.
You do the best you can and hope for the best (and as a father of a teenage daughter always remind the gentleman callers that you have firearms - and if the father of a teenage boy, remind him the father may have firearms). [Muaha]
I just had a son, so I haven't experience all those years of parenting, but as for right now, I would have left well enough alone and talked to him about it later. If not he will always have his dad walking in on him in the back of his mind. even if he didn't go all the way with them.
I would think I raised him well enough to use protection, as getting a girl pregnant at that age is a whole new issue. But they are old enough to know, both boys and girls.
Of course if this was my daughter it would be a whole different issue, guess it all depends on what side of the spectrum you are on.
Niiiiiiicccccce.
Sorry, had to. [Tooth]
DD977GM2
10-01-2011, 16:00
Tad conflicted here...
One one hand I concur with you as a father that the behavior is wholly unacceptable.
on the other hand I would want to pat him on the back for getting the 3-some on at 15 [Beer]
I agree 100% with ya. Id secretly wanna high five my son for having 2 chicks in his bed.
Limited GM where they cute girls or just run of the mill plain Janes? [Tooth]
In reality two 5's make a 10. Two 10's make a 10².
I'd say that it is your job to cock block him until he is no longer under your care. He's young and has a long life ahead of him. He can chase tail when he's out of your house. Until then, he needs to follow your rules and understand the consequences if he doesn't.
jerrymrc
10-01-2011, 16:18
I almost would rather raise girls than boys. Raised some of each and had the fun of having a few in HS, a few in middle school and one in grade school at the same time.
Don't forget to look at it from HIS side as well...remember, we were all there once.
1) He felt comfortable enough with YOU to bring girls there and not go to a hotel, abandoned house, etc.
2) He knew that he could get caught & and you would know what he/they are up to
3) YOU cannot control all of his actions. You can however, make sure he knows what the consequences of his choices may bring, the amout of maturitity needed on his part, and how to be a man vice just a dad.
Tough times and I'm glad I'm not there (yet) with my boys, but do aproach him carefully: if he wants to act like a man now, then put it to him that way...
Good luck
If you need, you have my cell #
In the olden days we just beat em.
Thank goodness we sold ours when they came of age.
jerrymrc
10-01-2011, 16:51
In the olden days we just beat em.
Thank goodness we sold ours when they came of age.
So that is how you went into debt back then. [Coffee]
Byte Stryke
10-01-2011, 18:47
Don't forget to look at it from HIS side as well...remember, we were all there once.
1) He felt comfortable enough with YOU to bring girls there and not go to a hotel, abandoned house, etc.
2) He knew that he could get caught & and you would know what he/they are up to
3) YOU cannot control all of his actions. You can however, make sure he knows what the consequences of his choices may bring, the amout of maturitity needed on his part, and how to be a man vice just a dad.
Tough times and I'm glad I'm not there (yet) with my boys, but do aproach him carefully: if he wants to act like a man now, then put it to him that way...
Good luck
If you need, you have my cell #
I Agree... if you freak out, he will bolt and communication will be very brief and one-sided in any future attempts.
I would come at him man to man and explain how you understand the urges etc... precautions, acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in the house.
tmleadr03
10-01-2011, 18:56
I agree 100% with ya. Id secretly wanna high five my son for having 2 chicks in his bed.
Limited GM where they cute girls or just run of the mill plain Janes? [Tooth]
And if your daughter was one of the girls?
If it was one of my girls I think I would be a bit upset.
Byte Stryke
10-01-2011, 19:23
And if your daughter was one of the girls?
If it was one of my girls I think I would be a bit upset.
think carefully
and no I am not trying to dog on anyone,
exactly who would you be upset with?
to be fair, my answer would be:
Myself
My Daughter
in that order
OP did the right thing.
Your home, your rule.
If I'd have been caught in that situation when I was that age, my parents would have wondered how the HELL I got a TV in my room.
Shows where their priorities lie...
tmleadr03
10-01-2011, 20:35
think carefully
and no I am not trying to dog on anyone,
exactly who would you be upset with?
to be fair, my answer would be:
Myself
My Daughter
in that order
You doggin me yo?
[Beer]
Teenaged boys should be raised in a barrel, and fed through the bung hole. At the age of 18, a decision should be made to either open the barrel, or hammer the bung back in....
My parents would have hammered the bung plug back in.
BPTactical
10-01-2011, 21:48
Teenaged boys should be raised in a barrel, and fed through the bung hole. At the age of 18, a decision should be made to either open the barrel, or hammer the bung back in....
My parents would have hammered the bung plug back in.
Sheesh-I done did bust the barrel and bailed @ 15. Moved out outta house.
Limited GM-
You did the right thing.
You acted in a manner that says you are a caring and responsible parent, something that this world is far short of these days.
Your son broke the rules of the house, which is paid for by you along with his clothes, his food and probably any other thing in his grasp.(except the girls)
Your rules and dont be shy about "reminding" him of those rules and if that is not acceptable to him you are fully entitled to relieve him of all but the basics required by law.
How did the girls parents react and if MX'r is not available to enlighten him perhaps the girls dads or older brothers are available to "advise him".
Don't feel bad, I had to "remind" my 23 yo about the appropriateness of bringing home the flavor of the week.
Now ya know why animals eat their young................
Yur doin the right thing[Beer]
WOW. I would probably be in prison if that was my daughter. Since it wasnt, I'll slap him a high-five next time I see him. Who knew, Evan's a PIMP..
Byte Stryke
10-01-2011, 22:27
I think allot of people are overlooking the fact that the young ladies are just as complicit in this as the young man.
BPTactical
10-01-2011, 23:12
I think allot of people are overlooking the fact that the young ladies are just as complicit in this as the young man.
+10
Byte- you surprise me.
A coherent and lucid point.
You get a cookie.
And a [Flower]
WOW. I would probably be in prison if that was my daughter. Since it wasnt, I'll slap him a high-five next time I see him. Who knew, Evan's a PIMP..
I've been meaning to bump that thread about your daughter's first date and ask how it was.
theGinsue
10-02-2011, 00:05
My daughter got married today (okay, now yesterday since it's officially Sunday now). She's 22.
When I first met her husband, my new son-in-law, she was 19 and brought him to our home to introduce him to us (they had ben dating for a while by then).
I honestly had no idea they were coming over and when they came in the door I was on the living room floor cleaning guns - several guns (of course, this was before the tragic boating accident).
I found out last week that he was scared of me until just recently when he knew I had accepted him. This made me smile!
blacklabel
10-02-2011, 00:16
I am not looking forward to dealing with this with my soon at all. He's 17 months old and I'm already dreading it.
sometimesright
10-02-2011, 02:27
I think allot of people are overlooking the fact that the young ladies are just as complicit in this as the young man.
Yup. That's why conversations need to be had all the way around. It takes two to tango (or perhaps three in this case). IMHO it would be best for the parents to have calm conversations (to the extent possible) with those involved (after blood pressures have sufficiently subsided to pre-heart attack levels). Those discussions will probably not be the most effective in lecture form telling the kiddo what we (the parent) think should happen, but perhaps take more the form of asking some open-ended and thought-provoking inquiries that will enable the kiddos to figure a few things out. [Help]
tmleadr03
10-02-2011, 07:38
I think allot of people are overlooking the fact that the young ladies are just as complicit in this as the young man.
I am not over looking it. I have two daughters and I hope I raise them well enough to not pull that crap.
I was dating my GF from High school for 2 years when she got pregnant at 18 and we had our son at 19. Luckily, we managed to stay together too this day and have 2 more kids, but it was not easy and very difficult.
People have no idea how hard it is to take care of another human being in EVERY aspect of their lives.
Thinking with the wrong "head" will put a serious speed bump in ones life. Trust me!
Feel free to show him my post.
jerrymrc
10-02-2011, 07:55
I am not over looking it. I have two daughters and I hope I raise them well enough to not pull that crap.
You can try. All the reinforcement and knowledge in the world will not make up for one moment of a bad decision.
You can have the straightest A student in the world. Always does the right thing and one day it happens.;)
68Charger
10-02-2011, 08:26
think carefully
and no I am not trying to dog on anyone,
exactly who would you be upset with?
to be fair, my answer would be:
Myself
My Daughterin that order
+1000 Byte has it 100% correct
if you disagree- then I'll leave you with this:
if the loss of your daughters innocence/purity is the fault of the boy she's with, then you left it up to the boys she comes in contact with- and you've already lost.
much of the system today puts NO fault on the girl, she's automatically the "victim", and so they're taught they have no responsibility for their actions.
In GM's case, a personal discussion about where this will lead him in life, the consequences it could have- but ultimately you'll have to let him choose. Another situation that could happen is when one of those girls is found out/confesses to a friend/sister- then it gets to the parents, and rather than admitting she was consenting, she says she was coerced (to avoid punishment), and the law gets involved. One conviction like that, and your son's life is completely changed forever!
I also agree you need to keep the lines of communication open, or he'll do it anyway, but you'll have much less chance to intervene.
tmleadr03
10-02-2011, 11:19
You can try. All the reinforcement and knowledge in the world will not make up for one moment of a bad decision.
You can have the straightest A student in the world. Always does the right thing and one day it happens.;)
I would really like them to wait till college. Or at least out of house.
as the father of 2 daughters (ages 8 and 9) I can tell you that I would want a phone call to let me know what you found...
They are all 3 responsible, and at 15 you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't think your kids are/may be sexually active. As a parent it is my responsibility to make sure they know the consequences and make the right decisions (and not make it easy for them by allowing a closed bedroom door in my home).
tmleadr03
10-02-2011, 13:16
as the father of 2 daughters (ages 8 and 9) I can tell you that I would want a phone call to let me know what you found...
They are all 3 responsible, and at 15 you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't think your kids are/may be sexually active. As a parent it is my responsibility to make sure they know the consequences and make the right decisions (and not make it easy for them by allowing a closed bedroom door in my home).
I can agree with this. I would want to know. If for no other reason then to go ballistic.
I can agree with this. I would want to know. If for no other reason then to go ballistic.
and so they know they are always being watched and they are still under your house and your rules.
Delfuego
10-02-2011, 13:34
Condoms, Condoms, Condoms...[Luck]
DD977GM2
10-02-2011, 17:42
And if your daughter was one of the girls?
If it was one of my girls I think I would be a bit upset.
Id go apeshit on the kid and beat the kids ass then the Dad's ass and then my own for raising a daughter who is a floozy[ROFL1]
tmleadr03
10-02-2011, 18:16
Id go apeshit on the kid and beat the kids ass then the Dad's ass and then my own for raising a daughter who is a floozy[ROFL1]
So....
what you're sayin is that you would go Tyler Durden on your ass...
Limited GM
10-02-2011, 18:24
Condoms, Condoms, Condoms...[Luck]
We've had this discussion, along with most the other things mentioned. I asured him that I'd spent more quarters than a drunken indian in a casino.*
The argument that their raising has a direct baring is arguable. I feel my parents did everything that could do to make sure we were "schooled" that premarital sex was wrong. It still didn't stop me from attempting at the first opprutunity.
When my son was about 8 yrs old his Mom walked by his room and saw him sitting there in deep thought. She asked if something was wrong and deeply troubled he says....
"You remember that movie we watched the other day and that woman walked out without her shirt on? I can't stop thinking about her."
Maybe some people are just hardwired harder to reproduce. I'd like to think its natures way to improve the race. [Tooth][Weight][Tooth]
*No intended offence to any drunken Indian casino patron members.
DD977GM2
10-02-2011, 18:25
So....
what you're sayin is that you would go Tyler Durden on your ass...
Who is that?
Byte Stryke
10-02-2011, 20:10
Who is that?
http://tinyurl.com/bfszll
tmleadr03
10-02-2011, 20:21
Who is that?
Well, the first rule is I can't talk about it.
The second rule is I can't talk about it.
Fight club.
claimbuster
10-02-2011, 23:32
Aw heck, they were probably just playing Doctor! [ROFL1]
mcantar18c
10-03-2011, 00:52
Maybe some people are just hardwired harder to reproduce. I'd like to think its natures way to improve the race. [Tooth][Weight][Tooth]
Yup... they call us "males."
SA Friday
10-03-2011, 07:21
I think allot of people are overlooking the fact that the young ladies are just as complicit in this as the young man.
Oh yes they are! Don't let let the fact that they are girls disuade you from placing blame on them. As a father of a 16 YO pettite blonde girl, I can tell you they are just as bas as the boys. Some are even worse.
Fear of very long term stifling punishment is a good thing for teens. It needs to be reinforced now and then to keep the fear fresh and overpower the teen drive. I put her on the pill anyway. I have no dilusions ill be able to win that fight forever.
CO303303
10-06-2011, 16:08
15? im sure a lot of us were doing the same things or dreamed about. So..might just have to educate him more?
jackthewall81
10-06-2011, 16:11
kid is gonna get it in no matter what. he did not tie them up and force them into his bedroom. i see nothing wrong, he will just do whatever he was gonna do somewhere else at some other time.
mcantar18c
10-06-2011, 16:13
15? im sure a lot of us were doing the same things or dreamed about. So..might just have to educate him more?
My first time was at 14... nothing my parents could have done to stop it. Thank God I had sense enough to use protection.
Point is, simply telling him (or her) "NO" ain't gonna work. He wants to act like a man, just make sure he understands the responsibilities that go along with being one and the potential consequences of his actions.
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