Grammar Gurus: proof read this phrase.

[Irving]

Okay Grammar Gurus, put yourself to the test. I came across this sentence in a book I'm reading, and I thought this would be a great test sentence. I'll leave in the capitol letter at the beginning and the period at the end, the rest up to you. Now, of course I'm no expert, so I don't know how right this is, but I assume it was proof read by a professional editor. After a few days, I'll edit the first post with the way this phrase reads in the book.


The situation in mesoamerica contrasts strongly that area provided only two domesticable animals the turkey and the dog whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows sheep goats and pigs and corn mesoamericas staple grain was as Ive already explained difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

I realize that this is a little difficult without any context, but it is the beginning of the paragraph, so it shouldn't be too difficult to make it grammatically correct regardless of context.

[SA Friday]

Epic failure.

[Irving]

I never should have used that semi-colon in the title.

[sneakerd]

It confuses me. But then- I have had too much to drink.

[Great-Kazoo]

The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly that area provided only two domestic-able animals the turkey and the dog, whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, pigs and corn. Mesoamericas staple grain was as I've already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps so to develop.

I never was grammatically correct, but try. Do i go home or stay for detention?

[sniper7]

I'll give it a shot. damn serious run on sentence.


The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly that area provided only two domestic-able animals; the turkey and the dog, whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs. Corn, Mesoamerica’s staple grain was, as I've already explained, difficult to domesticate, and perhaps so to develop.


[Luck]

[Byte Stryke]

Context and intent would REALLY help here...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v93/elhuero/1317949513350.jpg

[argonstrom]

Lunch is a PITA

What do I win?

[Dr_Fwd]

English is not my first language, but i'll try:


The situation in mesoamerica contrasts strongly that area provided only two domesticable animals the turkey and the dog whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows sheep goats and pigs and corn mesoamericas staple grain was as Ive already explained difficult to domesticate and perhaps so to develop.


The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was difficult to domesticate and, perhaps, slow to develop.

[Sharpienads]

English is not my first language, but i'll try:




The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was difficult to domesticate and, perhaps, slow to develop.

That's pretty good, but I think the colon should be a semi-colon and take out the commas around the word perhaps.

"The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly; that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop."

[Irving]

Dr_Fwd and Sharpienads are the closest so far. Starting with Sniper's post though, you guys have started leaving out parts of the phrase that are actually there.

Good work everyone, I'm pretty impressed so far. Much better than I could have done.

[cowboykjohnson]

It are good to read to me as it already are; perfection ifin ya wanna call it what it are!

here I'll try

cows, sheep, goats, pigs and corn + mesoamericas =[Help]

Turkeys and dogs + mesoamericas = :D [Dinner]

[Dr_Fwd]

That's pretty good, but I think the colon should be a semi-colon and take out the commas around the word perhaps.

"The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly; that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop."

I can't explain it in English but I 'm pretty sure about that colon.
And I think you are right about "perhaps".
Also this part is kinda confuses me "... goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's.... " i think there're too many "and" or there should be something different after the "and pigs".

[mcantar18c]

The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly. That area, provided only two domesticable animals, the turkey and the dog, whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs (and corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain) was, as I've already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

[mcantar18c]

I can't explain it in English but I 'm pretty sure about that colon.
And I think you are right about "perhaps".
Also this part is kinda confuses me "... goats, and pigs, and corn, Mesoamerica's.... " i think there're too many "and" or there should be something different after the "and pigs".

I didn't catch that thing with the pigs until I tried to edit it. Putting parentheses around the corn bit is the only way I can make sense of it without changing words.

[Irving]

You guys are doing a good job working it out and bringing up the right places to look at so far.

[Dr_Fwd]

I didn't catch that thing with the pigs until I tried to edit it. Putting parentheses around the corn bit is the only way I can make sense of it without changing words.

I know! Thanks to Irving I'm gonna have a sleepless night!

Irving, at least give me a name of the dam* book. [ROFL1]

[Dr_Fwd]

You guys are doing a good job working it out and bringing up the right places to look at so far.

So you're sure there're that many "and"?

[Irving]

Yep, there are that many "ands" in the phrase.

I double checked and found one mistake that I made, but it hasn't affected anything thus far. The "so" at the end, should be "slow." Sorry about that guys.

[Dr_Fwd]

Yep, there are that many "ands" in the phrase.

I double checked and found one mistake that I made, but it hasn't affected anything thus far. The "so" at the end, should be "slow." Sorry about that guys.

LOL, I've actually read that as "slow"! I didn't even saw that mistake!

[sometimesright]

Well, I reckon there are a few ways one could probably edit this and still be "grammatically correct," so it may ultimately come down to personal preference and style of the writer. Here's one (although perhaps not perfect) such attempt:

The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly in that the area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog) whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs. Corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was as I have already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps so to develop.

I have to admit that the "so to develop" does not make a whole lot of sense. Perhaps "so" is a typographical error and means something else (such as it did not produce quickly enough)? One could use a semi-colon after "pigs," since they are two independent clauses, but I just thought it would be cleaner to end the sentence and begin another.

Hey, even if I'm wrong and don't win a fabulous prize, there's always an addition to the old post count. [ROFL3] Holy Gunsmoke - I can't believe I even went there.

Did anyone catch that obscure reference to another popular thread on this board? [Tooth]

[Dr_Fwd]

I give up.

[sometimesright]

Yep, there are that many "ands" in the phrase.

I double checked and found one mistake that I made, but it hasn't affected anything thus far. The "so" at the end, should be "slow." Sorry about that guys.

Now that makes a little more sense ("slow"). I thought I was just getting fatigued. [Weight]

[Dr_Fwd]

.... Holy Gunsmoke...



LOL!

[Irving]

You guys are getting there...

I think team work is the answer here.

[Bailey Guns]

Alright...I'll give it a shot.


The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs. And corn, Mesoamerica’s staple grain, was, as I’ve already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

[funkfool]

My attempt...

The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs; and corn Mesoamerica's staple grain, was, as I've already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

[spyder]

Context and intent would REALLY help here...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v93/elhuero/1317949513350.jpg
Byte wins!!!

[BPTactical]

"The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly in that the area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog) whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs. Corn, Mesoamerica's staple grain, was as I have already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps so to develop."



Translation:

Eat more Chiken!

Signed, the Cows[Muaha]

[TFOGGER]

Was the author Hunter S. Thompson?


Epic fail by both the editor and the proofreader.

[Lex_Luthor]

Here's my attempt:


The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs - and corn, Mesoamerica’s staple grain, was, as I’ve already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

[ghettodub]

The whole sentence bugs me, and is melting my brain...

It says a situation, but doesn't specify what situation; it should mention that it's related to food or crops, first and foremost. And really, what it's describing, doesn't contrast that much, as it's stating that both the meat and corn don't yield that much and aren't that easy to domesticate. A contrast would say something like "They have a lot of meat, but not a lot of corn, etc..." or something like that.

[SuperiorDG]

The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly: that area provided only two domestic-able animals (the turkey and the dog), whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats and pigs; and corn, Mesoamerica’s staple grain, was, as I’ve already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

[SuperiorDG]

What do we get if we guess the book? G-G-S J Diamond

[Irving]

Looks like a few people just cheated for the answer. :D

Funkfool and SuperiorDG win. I haven't gotten the book back out to check, but I read the sentence so many times last night, I think they got it.

[Dr_Fwd]

Looks like a few people just cheated for the answer. :D

Funkfool and SuperiorDG win. I haven't gotten the book back out to check, but I read the sentence so many times last night, I think they got it.

Well, at least I was really close...

[theGinsue]

The situation in mesoamerica contrasts strongly that area provided only two domesticable animals the turkey and the dog whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows sheep goats and pigs and corn mesoamericas staple grain was as Ive already explained difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.

My attempt:
The situation in Mesoamerica contrasts strongly. That area provided only two domesticable animals (the turkey, and the dog - whose meat yield was far lower than that of cows, sheep, goats, and pigs) and corn (Mesoamericas staple grain. It was, as I've already explained, difficult to domesticate and perhaps slow to develop.).



I never should have used that semi-colon in the title.
Fixed. Changed to a full colon. (hehehe -full colon. That paints a pretty picture)

[Irving]

Now that we know the answer to how it was actually written in the book, personally I would have just made it more than one sentence.

[theGinsue]

I haven't read past your OP in this thread. I've been reviewing my version and am not satisfied with it (see many places where it needs to be changed), but I'll leave it stand.

[sniper7]

Either way, that is one of the poorest written sentences I have ever seen (the corrected one). If that crap can get published then I am going to write a book.

[Irving]

I want to post context, but I feel like I'd have to type out the whole chapter.

[SuperiorDG]

Looks like a few people just cheated for the answer. :D

Funkfool and SuperiorDG win. I haven't gotten the book back out to check, but I read the sentence so many times last night, I think they got it.

Sorry but I remembered the content of the book. Read it a few years back and watched the documentary a few weeks back. Once I knew the book I just went through it and found the sentence on page 142. That being said, I think there is more then one way to skin this cat. I think with that sentence one could be grammatically correct several different ways.

[Coffee]

[Lex_Luthor]

Nice, I read that book in college. One of these days I'll pick it back up and read through it again. I also read a book called "The End of Poverty" I think.

[Sharpienads]

Hm. I still think it's a poorly written sentence. How about this:

Mesoamerica ain't the real 'Merica, so who cares?

[dorsum]

Nothing but a total rewrite will help that sentance.

[Irving]

Sorry but I remembered the content of the book. Read it a few years back and watched the documentary a few weeks back. Once I knew the book I just went through it and found the sentence on page 142. That being said, I think there is more then one way to skin this cat. I think with that sentence one could be grammatically correct several different ways.

[Coffee]

Awesome.


Nice, I read that book in college. One of these days I'll pick it back up and read through it again. I also read a book called "The End of Poverty" I think.


I feel like I'm in college again reading this book. I love it. You should get a full class credit just for reading this book.

[grrr]

Jared Diamond didn't just get this published, he won a Pulitzer prize for the book. I thought it was great. For people who don't understand what is being contrasted, you need to look to other sentences. He's talking about the head start toward agrarian living in Mesopotamia as opposed to Mesoamerica. The fertile crescent had a lot of advantages in available crops & livestock that allowed for early urbanization, specialization, and all the associated advantages. I haven't read it in years, but I probably have a copy around somewhere.