Your fathers #1 phrase

[Tinelement]

So in honor of the upcoming Father's Day....

What is the 1 phrase that sticks out in your mind that your father always said??

My old mans favorite has always been,

"educations don't come cheap!"

From wrecking my bike as a kid and busting a brake lever, all the way up to my thirtys now and being a small business owner. It is always fitting. Mess something up and it usually costs ya one way or another!! [ROFL1]

[jackthewall81]

"Obama f*cking sucks."

Or

"What the f*ck?"

[BPTactical]

"You really think that's a wise decision?"

Seemed to cover most about everything.................naturally I ALWAYS made the wise decision[Tooth]

[Adawg38]

"No matter how old I get and stronger you get, you'll never be able to kick my ass." "Even if I am in a wheel chair."[Weight]

[lpgasman]

"Why don't you go play in traffic"

[mcantar18c]

"No if's, and's, or but's." Usually came right after "just do it" or "you're gonna ___" (clean your room, now the lawn today, etc.)
Maybe that's why I'm so stubborn when I have my mind set on something.

[02ducky]

[ROFL1][QUOTE=Adawg38;499207]"No matter how old I get and stronger you get, you'll never be able to kick my ass." "Even if I am in a wheel chair."[Weight]

Thats freaking funny, aren't dads great?

Mine was either "well you dumb shit didn't you think first?" and "it's your month you can haul coal in your moth if you want to"

Miss my dad sometimes he passéd away 10 years ago and I think about him all the time still.

[Zundfolge]

I don't think I could pick just one. My father speaks in more chiched one liners than a comic book super villain.

[gnihcraes]

something like "Use your head and THINK!"

Since I apparently wasn't as smart as him. (BA in Mechanical Engineering, Masters in Physics)

[UncleDave]

It's tuition son, you pay to learn!

[jreifsch80]

haha this is good..

my dad would always tell us "take it easy" with a long drawn out easy then that would be followed up by "stop egging him on!" to my sister then after he'd try swatting us in the back seat while he drove he would finally say to me "you know, when i'm cold and wet and buried in my grave, you're going to be sorry" hahahaha

ooooohhhh another one, haha he always says to me "this isn't my first rodeo"


edit: this isn't a saying but i've heard about 300 million times about how he and some buddies stole 96 cases of ollie beer when he was stationed at guam in the navy haha

[jerrymrc]

My dad (A Marine) at 77 still works his own shop 7 days a week. The one I remember the most. " I ain't just Woofin"[Coffee]

[UncleDave]

Shoot Luke or drop the gun. Telling me to not procrastinate.

[J]

"Some day, when you're a dad, then you can do whatever you want". Always after I asked why I couldn't do something with him, or why I couldn't have more cookies but he could, etc.

[splogan]

"I don't give a shit"

"I'm proud of you boy"

Those are his 2

[UncleDave]

My roof my rules.

[tmjohnson]

When my dad would tell me to do something, I would start complaining. He would say "You can bitch all you want, but you better be on your way"

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

My dad always messed up sayings, always screwed up the wording. Example: 9 of 1 half a dozen of another. He obviously knew 9 was not a half dozen but always fvcked up the saying. RIP Dad, aka Big John.

[UncleDave]

Boy I'll beat you just like you had good sense. I never quite understood that one.

[Adawg38]

How about "Doesn't your mom ever shut up?"

[jreifsch80]

oh another.. "either poop or get off the pot"

[bryjcom]

"Work the system or the system will work you"

Yeah, he's a democrat...

[lpgasman]

If I have to come in there!

[GilpinGuy]

"Come on! If you're not bleeding, you're fine."

[zteknik]

When I was your age........

[UncleDave]

Looking at a wound, it's a long way from the heart.

[jreifsch80]

"walk it off!" he even said that to me when i had my first kidney stone at 12 then finally took me to the hospital after i puked a couple times hahaha

[4gunfun]

"Don't let anything but fear and common sense hold you back" from trying to kick his butt.

"You will pull back a bloody stump if you try it." [ROFL1][ROFL2][ROFL3]

[jreifsch80]

When I was your age........


or was it "Kiedy bylem w twoim wieku"?

[Stooge]

[UncleDave]

When wiring our house he turned on the juice without telling meand I got hit and flew across the room. Always treat a line like it's hot. I was 12, and I never forgot that lesson.

[BPTactical]

I don't believe nobody drug out the #1 "Dadism"


"Because I said so..."

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

Get you're ass in this house right now boy, and I ain't even whistling Dixie!

[4gunfun]

My wife just told me her dad said " I'm gonna get all over you like ugly on a ape."

[jreifsch80]

"someday you're going to have kids, and they're going to give you what you deserve" lol my daughter is supposedly just as stubborn and independent as i was, he was right haha

[UncleDave]

That is known as the mother's curse. Someday you'll have a kid just like you!

[jreifsch80]

i know this is about dads but my mom was pretty funny too. my nickname from her was "Fritz" (i have no clue why) and when my sister and i would complain about chores she would laugh and say "Arbeit macht frei" haha as well as saying "mach schnell" to us haha

[kidicarus13]

Shut the door, you're letting the cold air out.

[zteknik]

or was it "Kiedy bylem w twoim wieku"?

[Stooge]

EXACTLY!!
And a few other choice words in Polish.

[lpgasman]

"Were you born in a barn"?

[El Caballo Loco]

My dads 5'5" and I used to always get "you can keep on but just remember, dynamite also comes in small packages."

[lpgasman]

For the Spanish speaking people, "no vales mierda"!

[jreifsch80]

oh my dad would always tell me as a kid "never start a fight but always finish em"

[Colorado Luckydog]

Right before a spanking, he would say.....this is going to hurt me, more than it's going to hurt you.!!!!! My old man was great and taught me how to hold my own and respect those who deserved respect.

[Tinelement]

And another famous one.....

"you want me to stop this car right here!"

........aaaaaannnnnnd he did!

[BPTactical]

And another famous one.....

"you want me to stop this car right here!"

........aaaaaannnnnnd he did!

Lol.

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

And another famous one.....

"you want me to stop this car right here!"

........aaaaaannnnnnd he did!

You got a warning? Lucky!

[UncleDave]

And another famous one.....

"you want me to stop this car right here!"

........aaaaaannnnnnd he did!

My old man did the same thing! I can tell you exactly where it happened too.

[lowspeed_highdrag]

"Thats asinine"

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

"Stop being so dramatic"

Needless to say, when the spankings were coming I turned on the waterworks. For some reason...it never worked haha.

[jreifsch80]

my dad didn't even stop the car like i said earlier he swatted at us while he drove and served around like a crazy man hahaha

[UncleDave]

^^^^^ All dads did that. You want me to give you something to cry about?

[T-Giv]

"Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

Keep your shit up and you can go sit in the car.

[stewart]

"It ain't going to fix itself" and my favorite was " You know what love is? The white shit that comes out the tip of your dick."haha that one still makes me laugh.

[Waywardson174]

(On Monday mornings with a glass of ice cold water in hand)

Get up, get up, get up! Day after tomorrow half the week will be gone and you ain't got a thing done yet.

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

You play you pay.

[jreifsch80]

my sister makes fun of me when she catches me saying something to my daughter my dad used say to me haha

[Great-Kazoo]

I'll kill em.

[PSS]

"Use your head for something more than a hat rack."

Dad kept a short piece of hose under his seat. When someone would act up in the back seat he would swing it back and forth not caring who was the guilty one. Everyone would be hauling their legs up high protesting their innocence. Not sure why it was so terrifying cuz it honestly didn't hurt that bad. Made everyone pissed at the fool who got dad stirred up.

[Monky]

Never knew my dad growing up.. saw him for a few weeks every couple of years. But when I needed him the most he was there.. can't hate him.

I think his favorite line when I first moved out here and in with him.. was when I was going out w/ friends..

'If you pick up any girls bring one back for me...'

[jreifsch80]

"Use your head for something more than a hat rack."

Dad kept a short piece of hose under his seat. When someone would act up in the back seat he would swing it back and forth not caring who was the guilty one. Everyone would be hauling their legs up high protesting their innocence. Not sure why it was so terrifying cuz it honestly didn't hurt that bad. Made everyone pissed at the fool who got dad stirred up.


haha i'm glad my dad never thought of that... but he would fold his belt in half after tearing it off and make cracking noises with it lol to this day my sister still hates that sound haha we were all terrified of his belt when he did that but he never did end up using it on us just the thought though lol

[sniper7]

"I love you son"


my dad was always the calm one, never cussed at us, never even had verbal fights in front of me and my sister with my mom.

all the yelling came from my mom! she tried to smack us for discipline, but I just made her more mad when I laughed at her because it didn't hurt[ROFL1]

[Irving]

My mom definitely stopped in the middle of the street (left lane even), got out, opened my door, and started punching me for messing with my little brother.

My dad would say annoying things to me just because he knew it annoyed me. "Know what I mean, jelly bean?"

I also heard a lot of "I'll give you something to cry about." and "You're such a little ingrate."

[onebadfx4]

I think my fav was always, "if you dont quit being an ass, I'm gonna put knots on your head faster than you can rub'em"

This was usually the warning before he thumped us in the head. I am pretty sure I suffered a few concussions as a kid from that.

[Pacman89]

When i was growing up if I said I can't, he would say "I can't never did a damn thing son. Now stop feelin sorry for yourself."
Truest words a dad could tell his son IMO![Beer]

[Whistler]

Wish I'd written them all down he had at least one for every occasion. Some that stick out in my memory:

"I'll stomp a mud puddle in you and walk it dry"
"Can't keep you from doing it but I can make you wish you hadn't"
On doing something stupid "Learn anything?"
"That's the thing about that ass-whoopin' sometimes you got to supply the ass"
"Don't do as I do, do as I say do"
"Boy... I'll thump a knot on your head!"
"Feel more like you do now than you did a-while-a-go?"
On seeing a girl w/ barely contained large breasts "Whew! Like two bobcats in a burlap sack!" and on reminding him of his age "when you get too old to cut the mustard you can still lick the jar".

[Adawg38]

My dad when he caught me in the bedroom with a girl when I was 16 or 17 would say "alls it would take is for her to say something and the cops get called, do you want that?" Like I was committing a crime? Oh yeah I was stealing her virginity! Ha ha![ROFL1]

[UncleDave]

all the yelling came from my mom! she tried to smack us for discipline, but I just made her more mad when I laughed at her because it didn't hurt[ROFL1]

I did that once laugh at my mom after she hit me, only once. I was 12 and my momwas way pissed at me for breaking into a vacant house witb a couple of my friends. We didn't do anything bad it was just like a two story fort to us. Anyway she is going on and about disgracing the family name and being a hoodlum, I was getting pissed because I did not see what the big deal was. So she hauls off and slaps me across the face 2 or the 3 times. I am bigger than her at this point and it does not hurt at all. So I laugh in her face. Then I realize my father the mechanic who can lift engines with his bare hand is right behind my mom. You don't disrespect mom in front of him! He starts to step forward to end my short life, I am sure. All of the sudden my mom grabs the first thing she can find, one of those wire handled flyswatters and proceeds to put the hurt on me in the worst way. I am on the floor curled up the fetal position trying to protect myself. All this time mom is saying "why aren't you laughing now big man?", and dad is laughing. The she leaves room shaking with rage, and dad says in his typical fasion, "I bet you won't do that again!" And makes my go apologize for being disrespectful.

Mom was the one that always spoiled me because I was her favorite. That day I learned why you don't rile up an Irish woman! Just because you're biger does not mean that you are going to win the fight. Another valuable lesson, thanks mom!

[StagLefty]

I swear as soon as the sun peeked over the horizon I would hear "we're wasting daylight" [ROFL1]

[BPTactical]

I swear as soon as the sun peeked over the horizon I would hear "we're wasting daylight" [ROFL1]

More like: "Son, the Friskies is gettin cold"



[Muaha]

Morning Lefty...........[Flower]

[UncleDave]

^^^^ Funny!

[BPTactical]

^^^^ Funny!

From the man who is not here[Coffee]

[Ranger]

So many things Dad says (and so many things I now say as a result)...

Close the door, you're letting the paid-for air out

He always calls me Kiddio, I always call him Daddio

When asked how long about anything, "Just a few minutes"

Not really saying anything, but he has a unique infectious laugh that I also inherited

[UncleDave]

That's right I'm not here man! Just haunting the thread.

[theGinsue]

"Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk." -- Oh, sorry, that wasn't my dad, it was John Benders dad from the movie "The Breakfast Club".

Some things I remember my dad saying as I was growing up:
"Never force it" (after forcing & subsequently breaking off a specialized bolt on an Italian dirt bike).

"I'll give you something to cry about"

"He who hesitates is lost"

"You're grounded" (I probably spent more of my youth under some form of grounding than I did not grounded. I was lucky if the groundings were only for a month or two. Often I'd get grounded for a year at a time - which always became 13 months because he'd forget and we weren't allowed to remind him.)

[UncleDave]

Yeah I was grounded fo a year strait once.

[SouthPaw]

"Don't forget son, you were once daddy's little squirt."
or
"You were once hanging from my balls"

and my favorite

Me: Dad why can't I just be rich?
Dad:Well son, some people are born rich and some people are born good looking but you can't be born with both.

[StagLefty]

More like: "Son, the Friskies is gettin cold"



[Muaha]

Morning Lefty...........[Flower]

Morning my favorite cat food nemesis [Coffee]

[ghettodub]

My dad always called me "boy", usually prefaced with a word describing me at that point.

Example:
I'm eating. "hey, eatin boy"
Sleeping and he wakes me up. "hey, sleepin boy"
Working. "hey, workin boy!"

It's funny how when they're gone, those are the things you miss the most; the little things...

[Tinelement]

And then there is the one phrase where no words were spoken.

All the sudden this huge friggen vein appeared in his forehead and his face took a strange reddish purple color.

To late to even run by then! [ROFL1]

[aahorn]

the decisions you make at 20 you live at 40

[blacklabel]

My dad wasn't around much and definitely didn't take the time to impart any wisdom but I do remember him admiring the scenery in Fort Collins when I was 8 or 9. The scenery was a couple of college girls in summer dresses.

[rondog]

My dad had so many......

[Sixgun]

"Everything has a place and everything in its place"

[BPTactical]

and Then There Is The One Phrase Where No Words Were Spoken.

All The Sudden This Huge Friggen Vein Appeared In His Forehead And His Face Took A Strange Reddish Purple Color.

To Late To Even Run By Then! [rofl1]

[rofl1][rofl2]

[Ronin13]

My dad always has great tid bits of information to impart upon myself and my brother... As a lot of you know, I work for my dad, so this opens up opportunities for him to show off his ever quick wit...
My brother broke up with his girlfriend last summer and naturally calls dad for advice on how to move on quicker. "Son, women are like buses... you miss one and another is bound to come along shortly."

We got a new phone book at the office, so before getting rid of the old one, I showed my dad that you can actually tear a phone book in half with your bare hands. He shook his head and said "You're retarded." I replied "Well I got those genes from you!" Without missing a beat he said "No, that came from your mother."

And finally, we ran an insurance quote on a couple that had two 2011 Range Rovers (basically 2 of the exact same car). I asked my old man, "Why would you buy two of the same car?"
His response: "There's something you need to learn, why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can!" [Beer]
To all the dads on here, Happy early Father's Day!

[Sharpienads]

"Do as I say, not as I do"
"Quit being a knob twister and/or wanker boy"
"I was doing [insert activity] when you were still an itch in your daddy's pants"

and my personal favorite:

"Who's your daddy?"

[Skully]

I love my father, he was a little crazy always came across grumpy, but we were best of friends and he was really just a big teddy bear. He had the nickname: "The mad Frenchman" for a reason. He was obsessed in learning Spanish, one of his favorite sayings isn't actually clean but he said it all the time in jest and a side joke. Specially with my wife who speaks Spanish.

"besame el culo puto."

[hobowh]

"If it hurts don't do it, unless your into that then hammer away" and "don't do anything I wouldn't do, but if you do name it after me".

[Lex_Luthor]

When waking me up in the mornings, my dad would just blast right into my room, flip on the lights and say "Up and at 'em!"

Mostly I remember going out to the back yard and picking my own switch from the tree to be spanked with... Too thick and it's like getting clubbed, too thin and it's a great whip.

[bchase75]

[me] "I'm hungry."

[dad] "Nice to meet ya, I'm Steve!"

Dad was a bit of a dork :)

[Ronin13]

[me] "I'm hungry."

[dad] "Nice to meet ya, I'm Steve!"

Dad was a bit of a dork :)

LOL... my dad is too, so I totally understand that.
Oh and before departing for somewhere he used to always say: "In the words of a Japanese farmer, lettuce grow!"

[Chad4000]

"visualize it"

refering to hitting the baseball.... hitting a golf ball.. relationships, career.. etc..

"and think it away"... refering to illness, or if I hurt myself. lol



im trying to think 25 or 30 years from now, what my son will be saying in this thread lol...

my wife says I always use the same phrases. "calm yourself son". "be patient or youre going to be a patient" lol.. course he is only two right now..

[Nivek]

Me: Why do you always have a brick in your truck?

Dad: You never know when you will need just ONE brick?

and of course....Way to go poindexter!

[hobowh]

"Suck it up and act like a man" "get over it it's just a flesh wound"

[SouthPaw]

When waking me up in the mornings, my dad would just blast right into my room, flip on the lights and say "Up and at 'em!"



Along the lines of getting waken up by your dad in the morning; he would shout at me in the shower at me and say "Wash your pits, your sack, your crack and your out!" I like to take long showers [ROFL1]

[theGinsue]

Yeah I was grounded fo a year strait once.
I used to get grounded for a year straight from TV, then to the house, then to my room. Then sometimes weeks after getting off the grounding I'd start the process all over again.

There were several years that I didn't get to see much of the world and I actually looked forward to going to school. It was like being in solitary confinement.

[theGinsue]

When waking me up in the mornings, my dad would just blast right into my room, flip on the lights and say "Up and at 'em!"

On the weekends when my brother and I tried to sleep in my dad would come into our rooms and say "People Die In Bed". I never had the balls to tell him that "in bed" is precisely where I wanted to die - mostly because he would have made it happen right then.

[wrestler034]

"Blind acceptance is a sign, of stupid fools who stand in line" and "Don't be a sheep" were the two most common.

[UncleDave]

My dad used to say the "people die in bed" thing all the time too. My response was just as many die out of bed I'll take my chances. Then jump out of bed when he came in my room!

[Wiggity]

If you be quiet and stop talking, you might LEARN something.


OR


Me: I feel like a hot dog

Dad: Well you sure don't look like a hot dog

[adamking84]

My dad is chock full of great one liners. My favorites:

"Alright listen. Next time, try to not be so stupid."

and while I was installing rafters at his new place on a super gusty day while he watched from down below:

"I've fallen off a roof before. It was no big deal."

Although reading back over those now, it seems he was also a fan of conflicting advice.

[bchase75]

My personal favorite:

"Walk it off"

I got that one for stubbed toes, broken bones, and torn ligaments. In his defense, I never knew him to go to a hospital unless he was in imminent danger of bleeding out, so he might have been a bit of a bastard, but he certainly wasn't a hypocrite :)

[ronaldrwl]

Mom - I'd rather be lucky than good.
Mom - wait until your father get's home.

[mcsurveyer1361]

My dad is chock full of great one liners. My favorites:

"Alright listen. Next time, try to not be so stupid."

and while I was installing rafters at his new place on a super gusty day while he watched from down below:

"I've fallen off a roof before. It was no big deal."

Although reading back over those now, it seems he was also a fan of conflicting advice.
thats pretty awesome

[TS12000]

Dad - "It's right around this turn..." (It never was)
Grandpa - "Hey zipperhead"

[Wiggity]

"Hmmm....a barking spider"

[Walker2970]

"Never EVER trust anything that can bleed for a week and live"
This coming from a man who my wife got to meet before I did

[bogie]

"I'll get it done next spring"

[Rucker61]

"You're slower than a hog on ice with his tail froze in"

[Eldorado556]

"You want a knuckle sandwich?"

"You're cruisin' for a bruisin'."

"You won't do that again will ya."

"Hokey Pete!"

"You'll have to talk to your mother about that."

And personal favorite while on Vacation in New England in 1987. Mom was reading a map from a Pancake Man restaurant. We were lost and tension in the Suburban with 4 kids was high. Mom told dad, "Pancake man says it's this way." Dad replied with, "Fuck Pancake Man."

[bczandm]

"It's the fly sh*t in the pepper" referring to the little things

"Sh*tin' in tall cotton" when things were going well (not my dad but....)

"Show them where the bear sh*ts in the buckwheat"...usually when someone was driving too fast, and he wanted us to catch up :) This was from my father-in-law.

[Sharpienads]

"Never EVER trust anything that can bleed for a week and live"
This coming from a man who my wife got to meet before I did

Is she your older sister? [ROFL1]

[lpgasman]

Is she your older sister? [ROFL1]

His name must be Joe dirt.

[theGinsue]

"Hmmm....a barking spider"
My dad: "Stepped on a frog"

[BlasterBob]

At about age 13, told my Pop that I'm saving my money to buy a weight lifting set. He promptly told me,"you get your ass out and mow your lawn and you'll build up those muscles". He'd feel the muscles in my arm and would always say, "muscles just like a sparrow".[Tooth]

When I was about 7 years old, I'd frequently tease/devil my younger sisters while we waited in the car when Mom was in the grocery store. She'd always say, "Boy, when we get home I'm going to blister your butt till you can't sit down". I'd do some tall talking all the way home so that she'd almost always forget that threat.[Mad].

[CareyH]

When I would do something dumb and get hurt my dad would ask me two questions,

"Did it hurt?" followed by "Did you learn anything?"

[rgvt4]

Children are to be seen and not heard.

[CO Hugh]

"Do you think I like sweating my f--- balls off all f--- day!!!"

Said in response to any complaining about working. He worked harder than anyone in the family, he was a swimming pool plumber, and therefore no one had the right to complain about anything.

[stevelkinevil]

Not really funny just great
Grandpa: "there is no such thing as an excuse, there are reasons but reasons aren't excuses"

[O2HeN2]

Not a phrase, but something he said that I will always remember.

When he dropped me off at college for the start of my freshman year, the last thing he said to me before he drove away was:

“Don’t let school get in the way of your education.”

Now, to appreciate this, a bit of back story: my father was a teacher, high school principal, school superintendent and even the Commissioner of Education for the State of Vermont. It wasn’t until years later that I came to appreciate what he told me that day.

O2

[rockhound]

your are not using your head for anything but a hat rack

[alxone]

"you know in communist countries they don't ______" . i have been hearing about what communist countries do and don't have my entire life .

[SouthPaw]

"That boy ain't right."

[Bitter Clinger]

Great stuff here guys. You guys would love my old man, most of ya old farts are the same age lol. Here's a few of his words of wisdom

This country was fou.ded on three things. God, guns and glory
work smarter. not harder.
ill kick your ass so hard youll be wearing it for a hat
Your gonna play, your gonna play
and after i got back home from the Navy all growed up and old enough to drink, for some reason i thought i could out drink dear old dad. Well fast forward to closing time im passed out, on the flopr of a public restroom, old man helped me up and to this day he still tells me "if your gonna run with the pack you cant piss like a pup" damn i love that guy.