View Full Version : Divorce, so close!
So my Wife and I have been seperated for 1.5 years and have been dicussing divorce. I have been doing alot of thinking about how much I still really love her. Ive been cold towards her thinking she wants a divorce and it would help her move on.
yesterday i recieved a text message asking me when i stopped loving her. I sat back to think and realized im still in love with her. After a night of talking wr both realized we cant be happy without eachother and are hoping to make our family work no matter how hard times get.
sometimes life hits you hard for the better. I want my family back and im willing to fight till the end. HAVE A GOOD DAY BROTHERS!
hghclsswhitetrsh
10-02-2012, 06:53
Wow man, good news. Good luck to you both.
That was a statement from a true man.
Congrats and good luck man. If you feel things are getting tough, give me a shout and lets talk it out.
DD977GM2
10-02-2012, 07:10
Your a bettre man than I. If I got seperated by my suggestion or her suggestion,
its the end for the marriage for good in my mind.
I have been through 1 divorce and dealt with the "trying" and it wasnt worth it
one bit.
Good luck and hoping for the best for you guys
Your a bettre man than I. If I got seperated by my suggestion or her suggestion,
its the end for the marriage for good in my mind.
I have been through 1 divorce and dealt with the "trying" and it wasnt worth it
one bit.
Good luck and hoping for the best for you guys
this....i dont mean to be a wet blanket but after 1.5 years your probably just romanticizing the old relationship
Thanks guys. Im not a naive man. I know when its time to walk away. We seperated over me being hard headed. I wasnt willing to change my ways. For those of you that know me can understand lok. Ive grown a bit more and understand its a 50/50 effort to make any relationship work. Ive only been in half of the 50. We all grow up sooner or later and mine was later.
good for you man...I've been married 17 years and the night before my wedding, my wife's grandfather pulled me aside.
he said "getting divorced is easy, staying married is hard work...but it's worth it"
his wife passed away last year after 70 years together
I'm not a marriage counselor, but I sit on the board of directors of a group that does counseling. They only counsel couples that are critical. Most are on the edge of divorce or already in the middle of it. In many, many cases there have been one or more affairs.
Our success rate is North of 90%. That's no BS, and we've been doing it for 9 years now. Considering the divorce rate for first time marriages hovers around 50%, it's pretty amazing.
I said all that to say this: nearly all marriages can be saved. In fact, based on our experience, the only ones that can't are those where one or both quit.
Our group uses techniques and tools from all over the counseling world. Training is continuous. These are not so-so counselors, they are superb.
Find one like that, or I can possibly help point you in the right direction if you have an interest. It is a Christ centered philosophy, so if that doesn't work for you I may not be able to make a good recommendation.
Regardless of your spiritual leanings, the principals of a happy marriage are about universal, so it's just a matter of finding someone who knows them.
Good luck!
Good news! My wife and I have had some rough moments, but it's a great reward when you know you both are on the same page. I'll be prayin' for you!
BPTactical
10-02-2012, 09:26
good for you man...I've been married 17 years and the night before my wedding, my wife's grandfather pulled me aside.
he said "getting divorced is easy, staying married is hard work...but it's worth it"
his wife passed away last year after 70 years together
This is true. My folks have been married for 62 years. My wife and I have been married 25.
I asked my dad early on how they did it.
Love is not enough, it takes hard work, wanting it to work and thinking about something greater than yourself.
No offense intended, but you're not too likely to know if a couple ultimately splits up a year and a half after your groups sessions. Not like they are going to give you a cold call and yell at ya.
No offense taken. I didn't mention that we follow up with these people for years and years. We would indeed know.
This is true. My folks have been married for 62 years. My wife and I have been married 25.
I asked my dad early on how they did it.
Love is not enough, it takes hard work, wanting it to work and thinking about something greater than yourself.
+1 It is probably the most difficult endeavor, business partnerships are easier because people don't get their feelings hurt with direct language.
Prayers for you, and congratulations.
Man I wish my dad did what you just did. Keep fighting hard for your family.
GREAT news! Too easy to take the divorce road. Every single older couple I have EVER talked to says it takes a lot of work, sacrifice, fights etc to make it work. Not every day, every month, every year is going to be perfect, but neither is life.
Even the hottest chicks you ever see out there have some guy who is tired of her shit.
That is great man, I am very happy for you. The wife and I went through the same thing. Ended up in counseling for a year, It taught me that I was still in love with her too! I know it's cleche, but live everyday like its your last with her, and more important Don't go to bed mad! That has helped me so much.
Good Luck with your future with her Brother![Beer]
right on ! its always nice to know that people still try to work it out [Beer]
theGinsue
10-02-2012, 12:13
I was in your shoes back in '99 - 10 years into my marriage. Until the point where I almost lost my wife and kids I had been an @$$ and taken them for granted. She was adament about a divorce.
I made a lot of personal changes. We finally got some marrital counseling (which helped her realize that she was a part of the problem in the relationship and it wasn't all me).
I never knew such pain in my life as the pain I experienced when I thought I'd lost them forever and that I loved them more than anything else.
It took hard work. It took time (hell, we're still "working on it" to this day). The result is that we are closer and relationally better of every day that passes than we ever were. There was a lot of pain and hurt along the way, but never as bad as the first 10 years of our marriage.
One needs only sit quietly and really consider what is truly important in their life & decide if the effort is worth it. Of course, it takes both members to remain committed for it to work.
Glock21, I'm thrilled to hear that you and your wife are giving yourselves another chance. Don't believe for an instant that it won't be hard work and that there won't still be pain. Part of love is pain & work. But, if this is something that you've both truly committed to above all else, then you WILL succeed.
Best of luck and my thoughts & prayers out to you both!
I have no idea who you are, but you have my respect!
Tinelement
10-02-2012, 13:08
So my Wife and I have been seperated for 1.5 years and have been dicussing divorce. I have been doing alot of thinking about how much I still really love her. Ive been cold towards her thinking she wants a divorce and it would help her move on.
yesterday i recieved a text message asking me when i stopped loving her. I sat back to think and realized im still in love with her. After a night of talking wr both realized we cant be happy without eachother and are hoping to make our family work no matter how hard times get.
sometimes life hits you hard for the better. I want my family back and im willing to fight till the end. HAVE A GOOD DAY BROTHERS!
Good for you!! Respect earned!
I often sit back and wonder why it is that I married the girl I did? Out of all the girls I have dated and could have married, why this one?? Its beyond my level on comprehension. It's one of the few things I faith in anymore.
Keep fighting!
So........ can I say it???
Bet after 1.5 yrs, that was some amazing makeup sex!! [Flower]
[ROFL1]
ezgoinrob
10-02-2012, 13:47
Good luck dude!
Ez
Good to hear you guys always seemed good together. Remember you can always do other things when the others show up.
Everyone else has pretty much said what needs to be said.
There is plenty of time for rest when you are finished. In the meantime, we all keep working. Sometimes the work is harder than others.
Personally, I would rather work hard with my wife along side than rest easy without her.
I will pray for you, your marriage, and all marriages.
As the family goes, so goes the nation.
Be safe.
Good for you David! I've been married to my wife 6.5yrs now and about two years ago we both wanted to call it quits. After we decided we wanted this marriage, we chose counseling. Im not a man to really listen to others and thought I didnt need anyone telling me how to live my life......damn I was wrong. It saved my marriage and helped us help each other. Right now im writting this sitting in the hospital waiting for my first child to be born in a couple hours!!!
Dude I am so pumped! Does this mean you are moving back up here??
Thanks guys. Im going to try my hardest. Opie congrats brother. Let me know if you need anytging. T-giv i dont know yet lol. Thanks Will, you know us the best. Thanks again guys.
KevDen2005
10-02-2012, 15:45
I'm not a marriage counselor, but I sit on the board of directors of a group that does counseling. They only counsel couples that are critical. Most are on the edge of divorce or already in the middle of it. In many, many cases there have been one or more affairs.
Our success rate is North of 90%. That's no BS, and we've been doing it for 9 years now. Considering the divorce rate for first time marriages hovers around 50%, it's pretty amazing.
I said all that to say this: nearly all marriages can be saved. In fact, based on our experience, the only ones that can't are those where one or both quit.
Our group uses techniques and tools from all over the counseling world. Training is continuous. These are not so-so counselors, they are superb.
Find one like that, or I can possibly help point you in the right direction if you have an interest. It is a Christ centered philosophy, so if that doesn't work for you I may not be able to make a good recommendation.
Regardless of your spiritual leanings, the principals of a happy marriage are about universal, so it's just a matter of finding someone who knows them.
Good luck!
And you stayed in a Holiday Inn Express?!
Seriously, that's really awesome. I am happily married and get extremely annoyed when people ask me how married life is and I say that it's good. Then those people say, that will change. I just wanna punch them in the face. Don't bother me with the your BS or your failed marriages and even if I was having a rough married life I wouldn't tell them anyway.
Congrats, keep up the good fight! Might be difficult, but it take two to work on things.
wctriumph
10-02-2012, 17:42
Women need to feel secure
Men need to feel significant
That is hard work for the both of you
Worked for me and mine for 32 years now
Good for you and your wife for working it out and getting back together!
I'm happy for all the guys and gals that are in good, happy marriages! I'm one of the ones that isn't, I picked the wrong woman on many, many counts. Can't get out of it because we're raising a grandson that's already been abandoned by his parents and other grandparents. Plus, she'd take me to the cleaners for everything.
Marriage is something I'd never do again, I gar-on-tee. And that sucks, because I'd like to be happy too. But I've been burned and scarred so much I don't think I could ever open up to anyone else ever again. Some of us just ain't meant to have it, I reckon. At least my dogs love me.
I am currently on the edge of divorce.in my relationship.:( I have to beautiful little girls and the woman of my dreams. Unfortunately for her it doesn't seem like she feels the same way she did when we first got married 6 years ago. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I cannot make her love me. I cling on every little bit of hope I have and hope that my story turns out much like yours. Congratz I'm working it out.
This was a big help for my wife and I - coming up on 25 years now!
http://loveandrespect.com/ (http://loveandrespect.com/)
It's all about Blue and Pink... Women want to feel loved, men want to be respected...
Great book!
Fight for it if you can - it's worth the fight in my humble opinion.
glock21 Congrats.
Sorry to hijack but I need info on councilors/programs in the northern Denver metro area if anyone has input. My friend and his wife are not doing well at all, in fact he'll be on my couch for a few nights starting tonight. He's unemployed so money is very tight.
Thanks
colocowboy01
10-02-2012, 19:26
Congrats on work with your wife on your marriage. It takes a lot of talking, LISTENING, understanding, and prayer to make a marriage work, but it is so worth it.
Troublco
10-02-2012, 20:05
good for you man...I've been married 17 years and the night before my wedding, my wife's grandfather pulled me aside.
he said "getting divorced is easy, staying married is hard work...but it's worth it"
his wife passed away last year after 70 years together
My wife and I just passed 15 last July; I had a similar experience at our wedding with my wife's Grandfather. All of her Grandparents were married over 70 years. Her maternal Grandfather said something similar to me at our wedding. He was a really neat guy, and he was right. My wife's the best thing that's ever happened to me, next to my kids.
It takes a real man to do what you've done, and then you put it on here. You definitely have my respect, for what that's worth. I'm glad you got to this point before and not after a divorce.
Singlestack
10-02-2012, 20:05
One needs only sit quietly and really consider what is truly important in their life & decide if the effort is worth it. Of course, it takes both members to remain committed for it to work.
Man, is this ever true. About 2 years ago I was probably 1 sentence away from calling it quits. It took an evening with myself and my thoughts really exploring what I wanted and what the best outcome was. Not great, yet, but at least we are civil and respectful all the time now. Definitely a work in progress, 28 years so far. Ginsue really should be a marriage counselor!
Singlestack
NightCat
10-02-2012, 20:48
Why is Divorce so expensive??..
Because its worth it.
gnihcraes
10-02-2012, 21:19
Gock21, happy for you. Hope all works out.
21 years next week for me. Good and not so good. Still working on it every day.
Parents just had their 50th.
Keep working on it...
Holger Danske
10-02-2012, 21:25
Good news. Go get her back for good.
ChunkyMonkey
10-02-2012, 21:32
A lot of bitter folks here :D I am happy for you David... despite the fact that you dumped your barfing bull dog on me.
GilpinGuy
10-02-2012, 23:42
Yeah man! I know you weren't in a bitter fight-to-the-death kind of breakup, so do your best to make it work. And the kids...they are the true victims of a divorce. If you can make it work out for the better in the end, they'll be better off too.
Good luck with things man! [Weight]
JM Ver. 2.0
10-03-2012, 01:53
Yeah man! I know you weren't in a bitter fight-to-the-death kind of breakup, so do your best to make it work. And the kids...they are the true victims of a divorce. If you can make it work out for the better in the end, they'll be better off too.
Good luck with things man! [Weight]
But whatever you do, don't "do it for the kids". When I say that I mean, don't make that the only reason. From the kid's point of view, it never works, and only hurts us more... :(
lead_magnet
10-03-2012, 03:06
Forever means forever, keep your promise, all we have is our word.
Byte Stryke
10-03-2012, 03:49
well Brother, I am so very glad the two of you are going to fix things.
I kinda got a sense you two were heading down the wrong road.
Best wishes
You know we have our problems but i wouldnt want to wake up next to anyone but her. Shes my unicorn!
BPTactical
10-03-2012, 08:24
You know we have our problems but i wouldnt want to wake up next to anyone but her. Shes my unicorn!
No, that's a Quadracorn[ROFL1]
Mama Bear
10-03-2012, 12:18
I don't believe in divorce, I told my husband (cofi) when we got married that our marriage was like the Mafia, only one way out...but seriously marriage takes a lot of work. I am lucky to be married to my best friend, even though sometimes I want to slip a little something extra into his dinner, he's the love of my life, and its apparent I didn't marry him for his charming good looks or his money
good for you man...I've been married 17 years and the night before my wedding, my wife's grandfather pulled me aside.
he said "getting divorced is easy, staying married is hard work...but it's worth it"
his wife passed away last year after 70 years together
wise words. being married is hard. it isn't always lovey dovey like in the movies. sometimes your spouse drives you nuts. sometimes life throws curveballs that really make it hard. but to me, aside from being unfaithful, i don't see anything that is worthy of divorce. but you have to have someone with you that believes the same thing, that no matter what, you made a promise to stick by that person. of course its easier to call it quits. doesn't mean its the best option though.
of course all of this hinges on being careful who you choose. i always tell friends don't get caught up in the emotion. the emotion has to be there but consider rationally the decision you are making. does she make you a better person? does she have your best interest at heart? does she believe the same things about marriage that you do? if so you can make anything work.
Byte Stryke
10-03-2012, 14:53
My Father told me something...
and for those in the know, this isn't easy
a Marriage is about responsibility.
you are responsible to your word, you made a promise, you are responsible.
You are responsible for your share, you are a team. Do your part.
You are responsible for your wife, She has given you everything she is, don't abuse it or neglect it.
you are responsible for your self, the irresponsible decisions you make are yours forever.
there was more, but something in my eye.
Now thats words to live by!!!!!!!!!
My Father told me something...
and for those in the know, this isn't easy
a Marriage is about responsibility.
you are responsible to your word, you made a promise, you are responsible.
You are responsible for your share, you are a team. Do your part.
You are responsible for your wife, She has given you everything she is, don't abuse it or neglect it.
you are responsible for your self, the irresponsible decisions you make are yours forever.
there was more, but something in my eye.
+1
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