Taking custody of a child

[mcantar18c]

A little background...
My wife and I are going to try to take custody of her little brother. His mother has repeatedly proven herself unfit to be a mother, at least until she gets sober, and he needs to get out of that situation... that's the bottom line, regardless of who he goes to. It makes sense for us to take him in... we're financially capable, he knows us and is comfortable with us, my wife is already in the will as his guardian should anything happen to their mom, and he's coming to stay with us over the summer anyway (he's in CO, we're in NC).
The people close to the situation (wife's older sister and grandparents) all support it, but getting his mother to go along is going to be difficult. My wife gently and indirectly brought up the idea to her mom of him moving out here with us for a while and she flipped out.

Where do we start? Nobody we know has any experience in this kind of a thing and we aren't really sure where or what the first step is.

[jerrymrc]

PM Sent.

[Teufelhund]

I am going through nearly an identical situation, the exception being it is my son and he lives with his mother in another State. Get ready for a long, expensive battle. Find a good attorney and put him/her on retainer. Most attorneys worthwhile will meet with you and give you advise on your case before you have to give them any money. Steer away from anyone who wants a retainer before they'll even talk to you about it. Make sure the person you are hiring specializes in family law and has a good record pertaining to it.

I'm no lawyer, but this is my experience so far: The law and the State are not on your side in this. Courts are typically unwilling to take a kid out of the home he knows and put him in a different environment unless it can be proven his present environment is mentally/physically dangerous; not conjecture or anecdotal testimony, but proof. Big custody battles are a thing of the past and only exist on TV anymore. You will be hard pressed to find any judge who will take a boy from his mother entirely and assign full custody to another party, especially someone who is not his parent.

I wish you luck. If what you want to do is in the kid's best interest, you have a worthy case. Make sure you are willing to devote tens of thousands of dollars, stress on your marriage, time off of work, all possibly to no avail, if you decide to pursue it.

[brokenscout]

PM sent, did it

[Teufelhund]

PM sent, did it

I don't mean to hijack, but I would love to hear some advise from someone who did this successfully. If you don't want to post here, please send me a PM as well.

[10mm-man]

Offer her five grand to get on her feet in exchange for custody of her boy. If she is unfit as you say maybe she will go blow it on booze, partying etc and disappear ... Explain to her that she can see her boy anytime, it's best for him, blah blah blah. Bottom line, whatever it takes to get her to do it. I think in this position, if it is truly in the befit of the boy, do what you have to do.

Courts take a long time and it cost a bundle..... $5k would be the cheap and fast way.... Or what would happen if after you have him for the summer you get an attorney and DSS involved in your home town. Refuse for him to go back home because his welfare is questioned. Take the fight to your backyard were it is harder for her to fight.

[HBARleatherneck]

Offer her five grand to get on her feet in exchange for custody of her boy. If she is unfit as you say maybe she will go blow it on booze, partying etc and disappear ... Explain to her that she can see her boy anytime, it's best for him, blah blah blah. Bottom line, whatever it takes to get her to do it. I think in this position, if it is truly in the befit of the boy, do what you have to do.

Courts take a long time and it cost a bundle..... $5k would be the cheap and fast way.... Or what would happen if after you have him for the summer you get an attorney and DSS involved in your home town. Refuse for him to go back home because his welfare is questioned. Take the fight to your backyard were it is harder for her to fight.

$5 grand? the going rate on facebook (according to the news) is $4000 for two kids. I would try to work a deal.

I would gladly take kids in, in these kinds of situations. But, the way Colorado works, you can get hurt by the biological parents in so many ways.

[mr_dove]

My wife runs a court in rural Colorado and she sees alot of these kinds of cases. Courts always assume that it is in the best interest of the child to stay with their parents unless there is OVERWHELMING evidence to the contrary. Even if the parents are drug addicts or alcoholics the courts will still give them multiple tries to rehabilitate themselves before removing the children permanently. They may put the child in temporary foster care while the parent is in treatment. And this is in cases where the parent has already been arrested for something and it has been proven that they are on drugs or something. Is there parents have not been arrested it will be darn hard to prove that they are unfit parents.

[Sparky]

I took temporary legal custody of my step daughters.

[CO Hugh]

It is very difficult to terminate parental rights, more than gun rights. The phrase I have heard used in divorces, is no parent is perfect, children are entitled to a safe parent, not a perfect one.

I think it is a little more specialized than family law, it involves parental rights and termination thereof. Things are easier for the wealthy, but offering her money to sign papers restricting her rights or terminating them sounds good. You will spend at lest $5,000 in attorney's fees to fight it out.

[XC700116]

Depending on how old the kid is, he may be able to remove himself if he chooses. But be weary of this as well as he's still a kid and when you don't let him have something his way, he may bail on you and you're left holdign a big pile of problems.