View Full Version : What do you do if your kid is being bullied?
A friend shared this story from a family friend, and while I don't have kids yet, I know all about bullying, as I was victim to it pretty much the entire time growing up. What do you do if your kid is being bullied? I've thought maybe when I have kids bringing them up around martial arts so they can be trained to defend themselves (keyword being defend- last resort, my kids will never be taught to throw the fist punch, and moreso be taught to avoid conflict if possible), but if cornered by a bully they can stand up for themselves.
Here's the story as shared:
YESTERDAY, MY SON WAS BODYSLAMMED 3 TIMES BY A BULLY, THE SAME BULLY THAT HAS BEEN MAKING MY SON'S SCHOOL YEAR A NIGHTMARE, INCLUDING STEALING A NECKLACE I GAVE MY SON AS A SPECIAL GIFT FOR HIS FIRST YEAR OF LITTLE LEAGUE. LAST NIGHT, I CALLED THE COPS TO PUT A STOP TO THIS, AND WHEN THE COP CAME OVER, HE SAID THE SCHOOL POLICE OFFICER WOULD HANDLE THE CASE. WHEN I GOT A CALL TODAY FROM THE RVMS PSLO, HE TOLD ME THAT BECAUSE MY SON VOLUNTARILY WALKED INTO THE AREA THAT THE BULLY WAS, THAT IT WAS MY SON'S FAULT FOR GOING "INTO THE LIONS DEN" AND THERE WAS NOTHING HE WOULD DO ABOUT IT. WHEN I TOLD THE OFFICER THAT THIS BULLY HAD BEEN BULLYING MY SON ALL YEAR, HE SAID HE ONLY TAKES ONE ISSUE AT A TIME AND THE PAST WAS DONE, AND THE NECKLACE WAS THE BULLY'S BECAUSE THE BULLY WAS ABLE TO NAME A STORE WHERE THEY SELL THEM. THE KAUKAUNA AREA SCHOOLS IS PROTECTING BULLIES AND IGNORING THEIR VICTIMS! PLEASE SHARE AND SEND A MESSAGE TO EVERY SCHOOL DISTRICT THAT PROTECTING BULLIES AND DOING NOTHING ABOUT THEIR ACTIONS IS WRONG!! MY SON HAS BEEN BULLIED ALL SCHOOL YEAR BY THIS GROUP OF THUGS, AND NOT 1 TEACHER, ADMINISTRATOR, COUNCILLOR OR OFFICER WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP, THEY ONLY OFFER EXCUSES AND BLAME THE VICTIMS!!! PLEASE HELP ME IN THE EFFORT TO STOP BULLYING!!!
What would you do in this situation? As a parent is it appropriate to go to the bully's parents? If LE can't do anything, and the school isn't doing anything, can you seek out legal remedy against the school, maybe even the PD/SO?
They won't protect the kid.
They won't let the kid defend him/herself. If kid does, he/she gets suspended.
This is why crazy shit happens at school.
It is retarded school system, not guns.
Boulderar15
03-29-2013, 14:47
Fight back
blacklabel
03-29-2013, 14:48
Teach him some BJJ and tell him to defend himself.
BushMasterBoy
03-29-2013, 14:51
Contact the cops Chief. If that don't work, City Council or County Commissioner. If that don't work, file lawsuit against school district. When you go after the pocketbook, in front of a federal jury...
Teach him some BJJ and tell him to defend himself.
I was actually thinking of Krav Maga... But dispense with the fine details, this is what I was thinking. I defended myself in HS, got suspended, but was taught that I did the right thing, no matter what the fascists in the administration said.
Colorado_Outback
03-29-2013, 14:55
Teach him some BJJ and tell him to defend himself.
THIS.
I was bullied a lot in High School. And was always told to avoid the situation etc.. FUCK THAT.
My son will know how to defend him self and be encouraged to do so, If he gets suspended for it so be it.
blacklabel
03-29-2013, 14:56
I defended myself in HS, got suspended, but was taught that I did the right thing, no matter what the fascists in the administration said.
I'm sure there would be ramifications but we need to stop teaching our children to be victims. Don't instigate but also don't allow your personal safety or freedom to come into question.
I've sometimes thought that because bullying also takes place in workplaces and adult life that it would be best to let a child learn to overcome the stress of being bullied. I think that physical altercations go way past bullying though. I was often mocked and made fun of as a child but I was never in a physical confrontation.
I think that this situation is past letting the child resolve it on his own. I think that it is time for parental intervention. I would likely take it to 1) the principal 2) the officer's boss 3) the bully's parents. At each step I would inform them that I intended to take the story to the media and/or the court if it was not corrected.
My kids are still young but we homeschool so I don't anticipate that bullying will be much of an issue.
THIS.
I was bullied a lot in High School. And was always told to avoid the situation etc.. FUCK THAT.
My son will know how to defend him self and be encouraged to do so, If he gets suspended for it so be it.
That's the problem- I started HS in Jefferson County the year after Columbine, do you have any idea how tyrannical that was? We weren't even allowed backpacks my freshman year! You fought, regardless of who started it or whatnot, or even if you didn't throw a punch, both parties were suspended. That's how incredibly fucking stupid zero tolerance is. What kind of a lesson is that teaching kids? Even if you defend yourself you're still bad? If someone is attacking you, you hit that MFer. That's what I was taught and that's what I'll teach my kids.
What would you do in this situation? As a parent is it appropriate to go to the bully's parents? If LE can't do anything, and the school isn't doing anything, can you seek out legal remedy against the school, maybe even the PD/SO?
It is a complicated situation, and a lot depends on school administrators. Usually they'll cave if you have an attorney contact them directly, threatening lawsuits and publicity. There is always the chance that the bully's parents are even worse than their kid . . . that is learned behavior . . . and going over there could escalate unexpectedly, possibly resulting in criminal charges.
My best advice is to tell that kid that, from now on, every time that bully comes within 3 feet of him, he should just pre-emptively punch him right in the balls . . . no warning. He will probably get his ass kicked a few times, and might even be suspended, but eventually he'll be left alone. He needs to learn that he can't count on other people to protect and coddle him.
newracer
03-29-2013, 15:03
I tell both of my sons to never start a fight but to do what ever it takes to finish them.
blacklabel
03-29-2013, 15:05
I think that this situation is past letting the child resolve it on his own. I think that it is time for parental intervention. I would likely take it to 1) the principal 2) the officer's boss 3) the bully's parents. At each step I would inform them that I intended to take the story to the media and/or the court if it was not corrected.
As a fat little kid that went through hell in elementary and middle school, my mothers intervention only compounded the problems. Had she given me the skills to handle the situations on my own or to learn to separate what others thought or did to me from my own self worth, I would have been much better off. Of course there are limits to this. When theft or repeated physical abuse come into play then the parents should certainly get involved but be careful of what lesson you're teaching your child in the process.
hghclsswhitetrsh
03-29-2013, 15:15
Teach him some BJJ and tell him to defend himself.
This. It's our responsibility to protect our families. Doing so requires teaching them how to protect themselves when you're not around. There is much discipline in youth BJJ. It is quite refined and very effective. Krav Maga teaches biting, eye gouging, groin kicking etc. Fuck that. With good enough Jiu jitsu those "moves" are no longer a threat.
blacklabel
03-29-2013, 15:17
There is much discipline in youth BJJ.
I remember seeing this somewhere and thought it was awesome.
GRACIE BULLYPROOF (http://www.gracieacademy.com/bully_proof.asp)
drift_g35
03-29-2013, 15:20
I dont have kids either but if I did and someone's kid was bullying mine, I would confront the parents, if it continued, id drag the kids dad out of his house by his ears and show him how bullying feels.
A kick in the nuts is the great equalizer.
hghclsswhitetrsh
03-29-2013, 15:22
For the record, God willing, if we have children they will be introduced to Jiu Jitsu. If they like it they will continue until otherwise. But make no mistake if I find out my children are bullying children with those particular skills there will be hell to pay.
kidicarus13
03-29-2013, 15:23
Tell the kid's dad to leave his gun safe unlocked.
Joking... settle down all you Columbine survivors.
Teach him some BJJ and tell him to defend himself.
^^^^THIS
My father bought me boxing gloves, made a heavy bag out of his old duffle, and taught me some basic boxing skills. Worked for me. I intend to enroll my daughter in BJJ.
Colorado_Outback
03-29-2013, 15:35
That's the problem- I started HS in Jefferson County the year after Columbine, do you have any idea how tyrannical that was? We weren't even allowed backpacks my freshman year! You fought, regardless of who started it or whatnot, or even if you didn't throw a punch, both parties were suspended. That's how incredibly fucking stupid zero tolerance is. What kind of a lesson is that teaching kids? Even if you defend yourself you're still bad? If someone is attacking you, you hit that MFer. That's what I was taught and that's what I'll teach my kids.
I got suspended when I finally stood up for my self and punched that asshat Fletcher Sargent in the throat.
My point was I wish I was thought to stand up for myself from the beginning, It would have saved me about 6 years of turmoil.
I got picked on a LOT in elementary school because I was kinda scrawny. The summer between 6th and 7th grade I gained about 8 inches in height and 50 lbs. I got picked on exactly ONCE in 7th grade. The kid that used to pick on me the year before decided that it would be fun to walk up behind me and kidney punch me. I ignored the poorly placed kidney punch, turned around and took him to the ground where I pummeled him until we were pulled apart. He got suspended, I got a stern talking to. I miss the late 70s. *sigh*
My little brother got picked on a lot because he got a concussion that stunted his growth. He took tae kwan do to help boost his confidence, and he actually managed to deal with all but one bully.
I took care of that one. I did not do it gracefully, but I did succeed in making him piss himself in front of many spectators. He never bothered my little brother again.
I hate bullies.
+1 for the BJJ.
Our kids 9 & 6 have been doing it for about a year and it has really helped their confidence as well as physical abilities. My 9 year old 50 lb daughter could choke me unconscious if I didn't immediately react. The plus with bullies is no one to say that your kid punched or kicked the other kid, they kind of hugged. :)
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/video-breakdown---chick-choke
rockhound
03-29-2013, 22:04
I tell both of my sons to never start a fight but to do what ever it takes to finish them.
i have the same philosophy, when my son was told by the principal, she is gone thankfully, that he was not allowed to fight back i taught him two things,
1. don't start the fight, you wont be in trouble at home,
2. you wont be in trouble with me for finishing a fight either
he told his principal what i had taught him, i got the pissy phone call about undermining school rules and authority, I told her that i would not allow her to make my son a victim by threatening to punish him for defending himself. I told her i did not care what the schools policy was, if they suspended him for defending himself then so be it, but he was not going to take a beating and that he would not be in trouble with me when he got home regardless of the policy
She does not like me very much.
As for your buddy's kid, time to stand up for himself. If he gets suspended, that is the way it goes, if he is smaller than the other kid then I have been where he is, and it has been decades since anyone scared me or took advantage of me, I put and end to my bully when i was in 3rd grade, i have always been on the smaller side, always have some big dickhead that thinks hes tough cause he outweighs me by 70 lbs. a few years of martial arts and a few fights and people learn that even if they beat me they are going to know they have been in a fight. made high school a lot easier
the kid needs to make a fight of it, he doesn't have to win, but this kid will keep it up until he decides the kid is not an easy target. make him understand that he is going to get hurt also.
I dont have kids either but if I did and someone's kid was bullying mine, I would confront the parents, if it continued, id drag the kids dad out of his house by his ears and show him how bullying feels.
Exactly what I was thinking.
teach the kid how to fight, by whatever means necessary, beat the living shit out of the bully and it will stop. he will get suspended most likely, but he won't live in fear at school or around the kid any more and his confidence will be improved.
or pull him out of the school where he will probably get bullied at the next one, or become less sociable being home schooled, or let the kid continue to be beat up, put down, have things taken from him and he might end up committing suicide or killing someone.
n8tive97
03-29-2013, 22:24
Contact Rhonda Fields... I know, I know, i'm being shitty....
Our daughter beat the shit out of the boy that was picking on her. She did everything necessary to try to prevent it, but when the boy continued, she put him in his place.
+1 for the BJJ.
Our kids 9 & 6 have been doing it for about a year and it has really helped their confidence as well as physical abilities. My 9 year old 50 lb daughter could choke me unconscious if I didn't immediately react. The plus with bullies is no one to say that your kid punched or kicked the other kid, they kind of hugged. :)
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/video-breakdown---chick-choke
that video was awesome!
Watch the recent documentary "Bully". You will see how twisted the school administrator, public safety officer, and even some parents' logic can be. I think one conclusion of the movie is you may have to involve lawyers and the press to get action with some schools. In fact, I would attack on multiple fronts to ensure a victory: demanding action from the school, filing complaints/pressing charges with police, getting the lawyers and press involved when officials fail to act, and documenting all of it. If your bullied kid is not alone, get all the bullied kids to take marital arts.
Great-Kazoo
03-29-2013, 22:38
I went to her HS school had a sit down with her teachers and the principal, after confirming there was an issue. Explained how our daughter had our permission to deal with any potential threat as she saw fit. Informed them as she was an honor student, IF they even considered suspending or expelling her after she fought back, i'd own them, the school and anything they ever looked at. Walked out with a firm assurance and hand shake from the Principal, VP and school board nothing would happen to our daughter.
We had a small issue in the jr hs , so i went to her meet the teachers gig. Her teacher it seemed had issues with females, including implying my wife was fabricating a story. Well about 5 min into him running his mouth, i asked him if he was lying, or saying, my wife and daughter were, as i stood up walked around the desk and sat on it looking at him about this close >< ....
Either you defend your child by any means necessary [ PROVIDING THEY ARE IN THE RIGHT] and not running some scam on you, OR you do not. IF they are in the right and you do nothing, you have no reason to be a parent and should be castrated.
gnihcraes
03-29-2013, 23:13
Late to this discussion. Notify the authority (director of daycare, principle of school etc) of everything that is happening, let them know that you've told your child to defend themselves the next time they get bullied.
I did this with my son at daycare, about 9 years old. He had a years worth of Karate in him at the time. Fought back to the bully once, very minor incident, both were suspended for a day or two. We took the lumps for that and the other kid was not let back into the daycare. His parents were pissed. Having to find another daycare etc. Loss of money paid to the daycare for the remaining days/weeks.
Director of the daycare was fully aware of what was going to happen. Essentially approved of it, they had enough of the kid too and needed more proof.
Teach your kid to fight back! Best lesson ever. No more victim bull.
Have no clue, the days of meeting on the playground are over. Yea we are more "Evolved" now.
Sent from my Otterbox Defended Tactical iPhone using High Capacity "Clips".
I'm sure its been mentioned before....
Best way to stop a bully is to fight them. Even if you loose, you now become more trouble than its worth. It worked for me and I will teach my kids to face bullies head on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3IhQRPLoF0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3IhQRPLoF0
THAT, was great! Shoulda smacked the asshole one more time for good measure, since he was still sitting up. Shoulda smacked a couple of those yappy bitches too. Perfect example of...
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b150/rinselman/funnies/dogpicifyoudontstartnonetherewontbenone.jpg
teach the kid how to fight, by whatever means necessary, beat the living shit out of the bully and it will stop.
The problem is that the average bully is significantly larger, if not older, than the victims they target . . . and they tend to run in packs. No way a small, weak, timid child can hope to "beat the living shit out of" three guys who are over twice his size. He will get his ass kicked . . . but he needs to fight them anyway. Nothing scares bullies more than someone they cannot beat because he will not give up, will not stay down, and will continue to bring the fight to them. He will get hurt, he will probably get suspended too, but after showing heart a few times everyone will respect him and no-one in that school will bully him again.
Dunecrazzy
03-30-2013, 06:49
My son was picked on in JR high, I told him to fight back but he wouldn't . He came home and said his home work got tore up walking home. I asked him what happen. He said some kid (the bully) pulled his back pack off and tore his books up.
I called the school. Same BS. We have to see it on school grounds. I thought I would take it in to my own hands.
I asked around where this kid lived. Took my son to his house rang the door bell the little SOB answered the door. Should of seen the look on his face. I asked him if his dad was home. His dad came to he door with his SOB kid behind him. I said we have a problem. I was hoping you could help me with it.
I explained to him the problem and asked if he would talk to his son. I was very nice at asking. Thinking we could handle this like
adults . WRONG....He looked at me and said.. Your kid needs to stop being a pussy. I didn't know what to say. I was like WTF did he just say. I thought everything was going good. He looked concerned and thought I was getting thru to him then this.
The only thing I could think was to tell him this.
The next time your kid does one thing to my son. I'm coming back here in front of your family and kicking your ass! You will see how it feels! We turned and walked away.
I told my son to get in the truck and we left. Nothing was said on the way home. The bully never said touched or picked on my son again.
Not the way I thought it would go. It starts at home. The kids parents suck.to bad your going thru this. Something at home is making this kid act out. Maybe his shity parents.
I would go talk to his parents. I would want to know if my child was acting out in school.
losttrail
03-30-2013, 06:55
We have twin daughters that will graduate high school this coming May.
When they were in 2nd grade here, they were having bullying issues with a couple of boys in their class. My wife and I went to talk with the teachers and the teachers were definitely on our side about it all, but somewhat limited by state regulations about how far they could go to protect our girls. Unfortunately there were several Liberals on the school board, including the moron superintendent.
The teachers tried the usual punishments for the boys that were bullying but it continued. We had meetins in the principal's office with the boys parents.
Finally I went to the principal and informed her that my girls would be fighting back and putting the boys on the ground the next time it happened. The boys were pushing and punching our girls and other kids. The principal, a Liberal, informed me that our girls would be suspended and possibly expelled if they responded physically. I explained that my girls would not be examples of how to be victims of physical abuse and set themselves up to be meek targets in the future, and that if any type of punitive action befell them for defending themselves, we would sue the district, her personally and the parents of the boys.
Needless to say, both of our girls ended up punching the boys at the next assault, knocking the wind out of them so they were on the ground. Surprisingly, while the teachers witnessed the initial assault of the boys hitting our daughters, they "looked away for an instant" and did not see our girls defending themselves, but only saw the boys on the ground gasping for air.
No actions were taken against our girls or the boys but amazingly, the bullying stopped. Our girls have not been messed with since.
I was bullied until 9th grade. I started fighting back and that ended it.
My daughter is 6, she was being bullied from the start of this school year by s little big head boy. He would bully everyone. I talked to the teacher and nothing. His parents are unresponsive to it. I was getting angry. I talked to the kid and it stopped for a few weeks. My daughter came home crying that hit slapped her. That was it, i told my daughter to wait till lunch and punch him right in the nose. Thats what she did in front of everyone, he cried and the bulling has stopped. Its been a few months. The teacher said nothing to my daughter about it.
Wow...this post brought back some memories.
I was never the smallest or overweight kid in my class but had an issue when we moved to a new school district. We (my younger sister and I) took the bus to school everyday and that's where it started. Some older, bigger kids (I was 11) would always pull my stocking cap off and hide it when I sat down on the bus. I always let my little sister sit closer to the front and I would have to venture to the back of the bus where the "bully pack" hung out. Those guys were dicks.
After about two weeks of this BS, I'd had enough. We got on the bus one morning and someone pulled my hat off as usual. I stood up and walked back with 5 guys all grinning at me with that "I don't have your hat" fuckin' smug smile on their faces.
The nearest guy (the biggest but not the leader of the pack) to me said "we don't have your damn hat". Understand, he was sitting and I was standing so I don't want to sound like a bad-ass, but I proceeded to unleash a volley of knuckle breakers on that kid's face and head until the bus driver pulled over and tore me off the kid.
Got reprimanded at school, got grounded at home (couldn't ride my dirt bike for two weeks), but never had a single problem on that frickin' school bus again. Those guys would walk wide circles around me until HS graduation from that point on.
The shitty thing is...if a kid did the same thing today they'd probably get more than a suspension from school. Most likely an expulsion.
I don't have kids now but I feel for the parents of today. However, I like "Dunecrazzy's" approach. That kid's dad probably tinkled in his shorts then gave his kid an old-fashioned butt whupping.
Great-Kazoo
03-30-2013, 07:45
WORD OF WARNING TO ALL PARENTS
DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT GO TO THE KIDS HOME . Once you are on their property you are trespassing. IF anything happens no matter how pissed you are, you are still in the wrong. After the talking to all goes no where, send a registered letter to the school's principal , VP and even guidance counselors. This way you have one more document to CYA and your kids. SO once your kid delivers a quick lesson of life. You can show there was no option for your child.
generalmeow
03-30-2013, 10:02
My advice is to send the kid out for the wrestling team. It will make him tougher, but just as importantly he'll have tough friends.
Freestyle wrestling is starting up soon and his school probably has a club.
Exactly what I was thinking.
+1 My first thought would be to assert myself with the bully's parents, who are ultimately responsible for it anyway. But would no doubt encourage the kid to defend him/herself too.
Cylinder Head
03-30-2013, 10:22
My advice is to send the kid out for the wrestling team. It will make him tougher, but just as importantly he'll have tough friends.
Freestyle wrestling is starting up soon and his school probably has a club.
This. Most fights, especially involving younger kids, end up on the ground. Control is everything.
I was bullied as a kid. I was lanky and skinny and the QB of the high school football team used to pick on me. My dad had me and my brother in boxing and karate since I was young because I sucked at sports and he knew I would have to defend myself one day. Bro was athletic but small. One day Johnny Utah and his buddy came to pick on me, and for the first time he took a swing. I ducked it easily and gave him a three-piece to the face. His buddy tried to intervene only to find my two-years younger brother on his back choking him. I finished Johnny Utah with a front kick to the solar plexus and his friend ran away. This was in front of half the school. I was never picked on again and transferred schools the next year.
Perhaps the bully hasn't seen what the consequences of his actions could be. Maybe you could show him this video.
grr. Stupid IPad. Let me try again.
http://youtu.be/mEqniEvNcnk
Katastrophic
03-30-2013, 11:28
Our 3rd grade daughter had the beginnings of a bully problem this year so I felt we had to stop it quickly. The other girl and our daughter started the year out as friends before we learned who this child really is. This is the other girl's third school in three years because of her attitude. The other girl is manipulative, physically aggressive, and bitchy, yes all of this at 9 years old.
I took a page from my K9 psychology studies and decided to try applying it here. I explained to my daughter that she needs to manipulate the bully into wanting to please her. Basicaly take away the bully's upper hand. By the end of one week the bully was calling our house begging to be friends again. Once that happened, my daughter told her no, I don't feel like it. Well, the other kid backed off quickly at school and eventually the phone calls stopped.
After a year of BJJ and learning how to treat the other kid like the dog she is, my girl has felt quite empowered. She comes home sometimes with stories of how the other girl tried to put her down and how my girl turned it around and sent the other one walking.
Had this happen to my son in the 4th grade......told him to punch the offender in the face as hard as he could.......forgot to tell him not in the middle of class in front of the teacher! He got a week off from school...l told the principal I would tell him to do it again, and in fact was rewarding him with a trip to Disneyland for sticking up for his right to defend himself.......bully became his best friend after the attitude adjustment.
That approch may not work so well 25 years later.
Sent from my GT-N8013 using Tapatalk 2
That approch may not work so well 25 years later.
Lol. Probably not.
Maybe you should bring a civil suit against the kids parents. I'm pretty sure that's how our society works these days. [facepalm]
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