Best Divorce agreement Yet
DIVORCE AGREEMENTTHIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE
IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS
FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each
other for many years for the sake of future generations,
but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever
agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly
terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a portion. That will be the
difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to
a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can
effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have
such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough
to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You
can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and
illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey mom greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome
to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine.
You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized
luxury cars.
You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare
is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn
of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll
be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the
World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give
trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so
offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to
other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and
if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of
friendly parting, I'll bet you one Castro which one of
us will need whose help in 15 years..
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda
with you.
