Originally Posted by
opie011
1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Eating natural food is not the cause of a natural death... in most cases.
2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. and the jaywalker
3· Life is sexually transmitted. Death is certain.
4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. and takes the most work...
5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. and width.
6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Rgr that!! lol
7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? HAHAHA, +1
8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Then what do Smurfs do?!
9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Or wife's... lol
10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Classic! This is going on my facebook!
11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Usually it's a machismo know it all attitude and a lack of proper kindling...
12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?' ...I'm more worried about the mental state of the inventor of caviar....
13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why did brittnany spears make a song about Oops I did it again?
14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? .... good one....
15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? a higher grade percentage..
16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ... baby seals?! HAHAHA
17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? No, they used hokted onn foniks soup.
18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? no, slower actually as it computes two seperate commands... but we are talking smaller than a nanosecond of time frame.
19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? it's coated with an oil
