After knowing her for almost 6 years and being together for 4...........
Signed a lease on a house together today. [facepalm]
All kidding aside im pretty excited, just gonna be a learning curve! Move in middle of next month.
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After knowing her for almost 6 years and being together for 4...........
Signed a lease on a house together today. [facepalm]
All kidding aside im pretty excited, just gonna be a learning curve! Move in middle of next month.
Didn't know a blow up doll could sign a lease, impressed, very impressed.
WHAT EVER YOU DO, MAKE SURE SHE PUTS THE SEAT UP AFTER PISSING. You let them get away with it early on with out discipline, next thing you know you're pissing on the toilet seat 4 in the morning.
You learn a lot about someone from living with someone... I'm a firm believer if you are considering marriage to I've with each other first. It's those little things
Congrats!!!
[ROFL1]Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
Damn Jim you always have such great advice!
No kidding.. I didnt know them women farts and burps as bad as us men until we bought our first home.Quote:
Originally Posted by kwando
Congrats shooter!
Quoted for truth! Congrats!Quote:
Originally Posted by kwando
If you really love each other, those little things are inconsequential. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by kwando
Next thing you know, you'll be getting each other's names tattooed on yourselves. :p
Having much experience in this dept over the years, I must offer this small bit of advice. The entire secret to domestic tranquility is separate bank accounts and bathrooms. Everything else will fall into place. :-)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo
GREAT Advice
Defiantly keeping funds separate for now, figure that out if we end up married.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo
Gonna have to share a bathroom tho. [facepalm]
Even if you do get married, I don't think there's any reason to hurriedly combine your money... my wife and I simply opened a new joint account so we could each deposit the checks with both our names on them after the wedding, and I've started putting a few bucks in it here and there. She buys groceries and takes care of her car and clothes. I pretty much cover the rest. Not a lot has changed for me on the money front, which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shootersfab
Hahaa, excellent. Btw, signing a lease isn't nearly as big a deal as a joint mortgage though, so you're still relatively safe... I think...Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo
This is why my wife and I are still together when SO many of our friends have divorced.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo
You want REAL commitment? Get a dog together that you both love! I think more marriages would last longer if couples did this instead of having dogs. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Ghosty
Congratulations?
Seriously, glad you two are happy, and hope you'll stay that way!
If you are not in it for the long haul, consult an attorney and both sign a declaration or in 6 months, the law does it for you...
Agree, I will want a pre-nup. Thankfully women are more receptive to it nowadays compared to decades ago when it was considered evil to ask. I will also want separate bank accounts, at least until well established for years and with kids.
Wow, so little faith in marriage anymore! Keeping everything separate so it's easier to divorce down the line, eh? If you're REALLY that worried it won't work out, don't move in together. You're not ready to commit and you need to be honest with yourself. You still haven't found the right woman.
Keep them separate even then. It's really easy to split the cost of things you both share but trying to agree on items that are just for one of you when you're money is combined is the type of thing that ruins marriages. My buddy and his wife combined their accounts and he was paying off her college bills from before they were even together and when it came time for a Tiger Woods video game to come out that we played ALL the time she wouldn't let him buy it. $60. Her college loans and debt are all paid off and they're no longer together. He never did get that $60 video game.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghosty
Totally disagree! He just married the wrong person. I won't say marriage is easy, it is not, but when you set up your marriage to fail with the back door escape clause, well, you kind of get what you deserve. If she is not worth combining funds with, she is not worth having children with. It is not the money that causes any marriage to fail, it is the selfishness exhibited only by the fight over money.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer
I'm with you on this. My lady and I have joint everything. It makes budgeting much easier for us and we have no intentions of leaving each other down the road.Quote:
Originally Posted by Inconel710
Hey, if that works for you then great. I'm a Type A and I don't want to beg my wife if I want something she doesn't see the benefit in. Personally, I don't think it would come to that because I married the right woman to begin with who doesn't care what I buy but the beauty is I won't have to worry about it ever. A large majority of marriages that fail cite money arguments as the primary reason. Your way doesn't seem like it helps in this area.Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkCO
She is completely financially stable, and has zero debt. She is in marketing with a very good job and does not need me for any of her finances. Which is good. She does not want to get married for at least 4 more years, and then kids only after a few years of being married. Wants us to have our time before we jump into kids, which I like. We already pretty much have two dogs together, some times she loves them more than me.
Not worried about if she is the right one or not, seems like We have gone through hell and back years ago but always come back. We literally have had one argument in a year. Things are good.
Its just gonna be interesting!
And call me old fashion.....but im kinda looking forward to giving her my paycheck every week for our account, I like the feeling of providing for OUR family.
When we get to that point.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/qu...KOqJXAHoV4i.99
Oh, sharing the money doesn't create domestic harmony or anything magical. Just ask my first wife! :)
It's a trust thing. When you keep the finances separate (for whatever reason) it implies a lack of trust. Now, that may work for you and your wife, Jer, but in both of my marriages it would have failed (I was active duty Navy and they had to pay bills while I was incommunicado). Now that I'm not going to sea anymore, I wouldn't change a thing. If anything, it forces me to talk to my wife more often than I probably would otherwise and keeps us on the same page. Any relationship involves trust and I see things like separate accounts and pre-nups as neon signs blinking "I DON"T TRUST YOU".
Saying that keeping our money separate implies we don't trust each other is 1950's thinking. It just makes more sense. How do unmarried people in the military pay their bills?Quote:
Originally Posted by Inconel710
Good job buddy!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Shootersfab
At least I can still hide some of your check for ya!! [Flower] That way she won't take it all!!
Mine just takes it from the account.........[gohome]
We'll have to agree to disagree on what constitutes 1950's thinking. I'm just a stranger looking at limited information and commenting on someone else's relationship. You and your wife must have a system that works for you. Does she know what goes on in your accounts? Do you know what goes on in hers? Do you have joint financial goals? Do you help each other reach those goals? I'm not saying it can't work, as your case illustrates, but I think if fails more often than not. Because, more often than not, couples choose to keep separate accounts because they don't trust each other. Then separate accounts lead to separate lives which leads to divorce. Marriage is not for the faint of heart.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jer
BTW - I'm not counseling Shootersfab to combine accounts today. Do that after you get married. But think about what we're discussing here. A marriage only works if both partners are working together to achieve common goals whether it's money, career, family (including in-laws), religion, whatever. When those goals become separate, the couple has a hard time keeping the relationship together. That's what killed my first marriage - her goal was to have a husband that didn't go to sea (family) and my goal was to keep going (career). It would have been nicer if she'd found that person after our divorce, but it's an imperfect world.
To answer your question, Jer, before online bill pay, most guys either pre-paid their bills (usually by getting advanced pay from the personnel office) or they had to write checks and get someone they trusted to send them in on time. Saw plenty of girlfriends decide in the middle of patrol they didn't care anymore and the sailor came home to a financial mess. Today, you could probably set everything on auto-pilot with bill pay and then hope the bank doesn't screw things up.
Been living with my gf for 1.5 years or so. Overall, it's been great. We currently keep things seperate. I pay the big chunk of the mortgage, she pays monthly bills and groceries. It works. But, we are looking at doing a combined account. We dump both checks into the main account, pay out the bills, then whatever is left, is split into 2 and deposited into our own accounts. That way, we'd each have our "spending" money for whatever we want without the other being able to say "no". Makes bills easier and still gives you freedom to buy whatever you can budget for.
When I was dating my girlfriend, our accounts were separate. When we got married all accounts were joined - there's one pot of money that we both dip into. I don't have to ask if I can get a new gun/reel/fishing trip to Belize/Etc. She doesn't have to ask before spending what she wants. We've been married for 22 years now and what works best for us may not work for others. There's more than one way that marriages work. I like our method, I'm happy others like their method. [Awesom]
I agree with that Mark, but as I mentioned before, there's no reason to "hurriedly combine your money". My wife and I have a terrific money situation that doesn't really make that much difference if it's in one account or two. We are both equally responsible with our money, and always keep some in savings for emergencies, so neither of us have any issue with the other buying whatever it is that we need/want, without "permission". If it's something big, like more than a few hundred bucks, then we'd obviously talk first and likely each pay toward it....unless of course, I'm buying a gun... she'd probably not contribute ;). So as far as we are concerned right now, the moment one or the other of us were to start seeing the balance fluctuate, it would just be another avenue where emotions can get between people and there's no real reason for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkCO
IMO, it is easier psychologically, and is more enjoyable for me, to buy my wife things that she wants (and sometimes surprise her), than it is for me to see the withdrawal from the account and realize she bought something for herself.
I moved in with girlfriend August of 2011, and ill tell you what ii, it can be difficult but I would not trade it for anything. It really makes you appreciate eachother more. We have known eachother 6 years and been dating for 6 years. We met in high school. Just gotta take the chance it will eaither work out or not. I think it's one of those things you know very soon. Just gotta make the next big step. Congrats and keep your stuff picked up and dont piss on the toliet. Big no no!
Congrats on move in today buddy!!
It really is all down from here!!
[ROFL1]
We've been married going on 24 years. We've NEVER had a joint bank account. We share the bills...she pays everything and I just write her a check twice a month for my share.
And just to throw my two cents worth at the dead horse here:
I have a great relationship with a very "opposite-of-bitchy" (the exact word eludes my tired brain today) woman I trust completely - otherwise I wouldn't have married her to begin with. However, I value my independence such that I won't ever combine our bank accounts. I never even considered the option of a pre-nup - I do think those set the whole thing up for failure. However, I don't want to have to explain each time I go on a gun-buying binge (like I've been pathologically stuck in since December 14th - seriously guys, I might be at the point where I need an intervention...) or anything else. She wants to spend 2500 on a chiropractor this coming year, and I don't have any more say in that than she does my guns. It just works. (I happen to think this guy's a quack, and mentioned my feelings. But it's her money, and it's not gonna bug me a bit if she spends it on whatever.) If we have something we both want, like a vacation - we both pay into it. We're happy with the arrangement, and it just takes one more element away that couples typically can fight about.
I run the money. She has a learning curve to get on since her family sucks with money. She is learning well. I had zero debt, she had a good bit so i am making sure it all gets taken care of plus paying for her masters. Weave our gripes but no couple doesn't. We both get nice things and are happy! To each their own
Shootersfab, good luck to ya! My wife and I got married February 11, 1961 (yeah, that's 52 years this coming Monday) We have yet to have a battle over ANYTHING. Needless to say, she is VERY VERY tolerant!
We had an agreement when first married that if either of us thought we wanted/needed something and if we could afford it, go ahead and buy it. Worked for us all these years. Both of us came from little tiny farming communities and have never attempted to impress anyone with phony shit to "keep up with the neighbors". She has NEVER ever complained about my hunting, shooting, reloading etc., and of course I have never said anything negative about any of her hobbies. Worked for us for 52 years![blaster]
Without getting drawn into this whole joint/separate finances debate, I'd just like to say congratulations to the OP. I've heard good things about you from your boss so I have some idea as to your character. You'll need it.
All relationships are fickle. Sometimes they are wonderful and joyous, at other times they are painful. When you move in together it ups the ante. The ups and downs occur more often because you have more exposure to one another. As individuals you won't always agree. If you can both maintain respectful behavior to each other during the times of disagreement you can likely survive anything. YOU WILL CAUSE EACH OTHER PAIN, but if you love and respect each other, it's worth it and the painful moments are quickly passed and forgotten.
Best of luck to you!
my wife and I combined all funds the day we moved in together. We were engaged and getting married in a couple months. There were years I contributed more and years she contributed more, but it was always "ours".
We'll be married 18 years this may, and have never had a fight about money.
now all that said, the first 3 months of living together were the roughest of our relationship. Living with someone isn't easy at first