Source: https://twitter.com/GitRDoneLarry/st...42178334625792
The adult film industry said they may struggle financially in the coming decades because 90% of the incoming millennial females have nut allergies.
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Source: https://twitter.com/GitRDoneLarry/st...42178334625792
The adult film industry said they may struggle financially in the coming decades because 90% of the incoming millennial females have nut allergies.
A young boy accidentally sees his mom changing her clothes. Unfamiliar with this situation the boy asks
"What's that hairy thing?"
Embarrassed, Mom quickly replies "Um...That's a sponge...."
The boy's eyes light up. "Oh yeah, babysitters got one too. I have seen her washing Dads face with it."
How to tell if someone is a Republican, a Democrat, or just a Southerner.
Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner? This little test will help you decide:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
******************************
Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing!
******************************
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
******************************
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click…..
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal Premium hollow points?!”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”
Wife: “You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!”
^ Excellent! ^
Deep In the back woods, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?
I thought the wife was going to have four legs...
I'm a nitpicker I guess, because 1911s don't go "Click" when you fire them empty.
Maybe if you'd specified a para... ;)
Maybe the click was the mag disengaging when the mag release was pressed. ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Circuits
At least they got the round counts right.
My husband just told me this joke:
What's the difference between a bonus & a penis?
Your wife will always blow your bonus.
He also told me this one:
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Likolotapus