Joke of the Day

What do you call a dairy cow that won?t produce?




A milk dud.

How do you make holy water?



You boil the hell out of it.

I hear Jared Polis lost his drivers license. Apparently he was rear ended too many times.

How do you cook a kidney?


You boil the piss out of it.

I was gonna yell you a COVID-19 joke but there's a 99.99% chance you won't get it.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is your bar tender?".

Why did granny fall into the well?

She didn't see that well.

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger.
She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt.
The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."

This will be the first year my family and I can't go skiing in the Alps because of the pandemic. Normally it's because we can't afford it.

What baseball team do dentists root for?
The Yank ees.

My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it.
He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Why was the chef mad?
He had all the money in the world- but no thyme.

What do you call a silent kebab?
A shh-kebab.

I'm probably the best ever at being humble..

I'm sorry we fought. I hate it when you're wrong.

What do you call a flannel cat?
A Plaid-A-Pus

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?
Together we can stop this shit.

Why do vegetarians give such good head?
They're used to eating nuts.

What do you call an Irish lesbian?
Gay lick.