Canadian customs

Quote:

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“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"”

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-Steven Wright

I remember going to Windsor all the time as a kid and all we ever got asked was what nationality we were and what the purpose of our visit was. After Sep 11 crossing both ways got stupid a hell, though it was still the quickest route to go through there on my way home from Ft Drum.

I got thrown out of Canadia in 08 while on tour with a band for not having paperwork to prove that a weapons charge I was arrested for was dropped by the DA....


talk about a pain in the ass...


And I have to go again in nov....

Fer cryin oout looud, what bunch of hoseheads.
Should asked him where his toque was eh?

The last time I went through Canadian customs I was asked if I owned firearms and I said yes. He asked if I had them with me and I said no, I left them at home. They proceeded to have my pickup truck be moved into the inspection area and have us wait. They had us go to another building to wait and they check out my US passport which shows my birth city being in Montreal and says I'm good cause I'm "Canadian". See's my wife's US passport and she is US born and proceeds to interrogate my wife with questions about where she works, what she does, etc but not in a very nice way. It felt like they thought we were trying to move to Canada or something because my pickup truck had camping gear and stuff and was pretty packed up (we were going to northern Canada in Ontario to do some camping) I wasn't very happy how I'm ignored because I was born in Canada but my wife gets the third degree for no reason other than the fact I admitted I owned firearms....and at the time she didn't have any of her own.

When I was stationed in Bremerton WA we would make a trip up to Vancouver every so often. Cigarettes were like $15 a pack so we thought that we would be smart and bring a carton each because we were going to be there for three days. There were four of us all riding together so when we were searched at the border they freaked out. They were so sure that we were smuggling them in for re-sale but back then when the partying got hard two packs a day was a light day. (I quit about five years ago now) But long story short the Mounties were screaming at us "Dontcha know you can go ta prizon for dat eh" and it took about three hours for them to let us go. But in that time we all smoked about 3/4 of a pack of cigarettes so they just kinda gave up.

Coming back from Europe in June was a treat though. We landed at JFK and if you thought TSA and customs was a bunch of incompetent jack wagons here you would be in for a real surprise. Setting up the scene, I am walking into the control area getting ready to go through customs. There are about 10 lines of people totaling about 5000 people by my best estimate. There are people from all over the world as it was a flight from Frankfurt. As close as I can spell it out this is what the TSA agent was screaming at people as we walked by: "If you be trvlin again, best know what line you need stand in. If you plane fly out befo 7PM an connect again get yo bags and get in dat line der" (Points to the general direction of about 3000 of the 5000 people) I could piece it together and since I had a connecting flight leaving before 7pm I jumped in the expedited line and made it no problem. But as I waited and looked around I asked myself what the hell would l do if I were not a native English speaker, which by my estimation was about 50% of the people in there. That is not where is stopped, but every stereotype that you could imagine for a rude New York native asshole was confirmed over and over again until I was about to lose my mind. On my vacation I flew into and out of Dublin, Oslo and Frankfurt and not once was I even close to as furious as I was landing in the ol US of A. Also no one else makes you take off your shoes, and they think we are retards for doing that because there are detectors for explosive residue that cost millions of dollars all over the place that make taking off your shoes completely redundant and slows everything down to a pace that only TSA can keep up with. It is a great message to send to everyone that visits our country.

Tards Standing Around

When i would travel to Fort McKay through Calgary with my old job the customs people were always snotty. While traveling with my co-worker who was older, was not allowed in the country due to a DUI over 30 years ago. Told him to turn around and head back home and left me a man short on our job.

Saw this today courtesy of Michael Z Williamson. Kinda explains all about the Canucks...

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% as it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
6.The Jets are back!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English-speaking neighbor will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada ...
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"?

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK


1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ...
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA


1. Everyone can play the fiddle... The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from..
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

^^ That is pretty funny.