What do you call a reindeer with three eyes?
A reiiindeer.
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What do you call a reindeer with three eyes?
A reiiindeer.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit
What do you call a bad xmas joke?
Noe-lol
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer
What says oh, oh, Oooh! ?
Mrs. Claus
What does everyone get but no one wants for Christmas?
Fat.
What doesn't Santa have any children?
He wraps his present before he puts it in the box.
Because he only comes once a year.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickNorris
Because he comes down the chimney.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"
The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickNorris
Because he's immortal and doesn't want to pay for college 1,500 times.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamnanc
[ROFL1]Quote:
Originally Posted by BladesNBarrels
Did you hear about the two silk worms who were in a race?
They both ended up in a tie.
Waka waka waka!
: )
I thought it was whacka whacka whacka.
Wonka, Wonka, Wonka?
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.,
I called the Suicide Hotline.
I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kowalski Lives
wokka, wokka, wokkaQuote:
Originally Posted by iego
SINGLE vs. ENGAGED vs. MARRIED!!
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we... made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fianc? got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner
The Economy is So Bad...
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
In some people's eyes, throwing acid is wrong.
Say what you want about deaf people...
You can never lose a homing pigeon...
Have you heard the one about the sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.
You matter.
Until you multiple yourself times the speed of light squared.
Then you energy.
Two men walk into a bar.
The first man orders an H2O
The second man says: I'll have an H2O too.
That man died.
What was the charge when the NaCI was arrested?
A salt
Did you want to hear a joke about sodium?
Na me either.
A new element has been discovered & added to the periodic table:
Ah - the element of surprise
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cuz it was dead.
What's black, white, and red...and can't turn around in an elevator?
A nun, with a spear through her head.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
A waiter approached a man studying his menu carefully in a fancy restaurant one evening. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked.
"Well, I was just wondering how you prepare your chickens."
"Oh, its nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Has anyone else here come to realize that an illegal straw purchase means something totally different in California now?
A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way: If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
A southern Belle asked a stuck up Northern English teacher at an airport.
"Where are you all going to?"
The teacher replied. "A place where they do not and end a sentence with a preposition."
The Southern Belle replied. " I am sorry. Where are you all going to, bitch?"
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.
But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half ... they went as an upper and lower GI.
There was a well dressed man riding a tricycle and a poorly dressed man riding a bicycle. What was the difference?
Attire