Send it or not?

Now this is just from my personal experience- it may be different for others.

Back when I was going through my drunken stupidity and alienating everyone I loved in my family, I got one of those speak your mind letters from my sister-pretty much telling me I was a useless POS.

Well at first I was pissed blaming her for all the fallout and we didn't speak for over 10years. Sad for the rest of the family but so be it.
It wasn't until I started to look at myself and that letter helped me strive to be a better person, not by words but by actions. Took me many years of fixing my thinking and doing the right thing before we started speaking again. But now were probably closer than before.
Sometimes hard love is the best way. Takes a bunch of time but sometimes it is worth it.
Again I needed that to happen to help me start to be a better person.

Sit down with a counselor that you trust and see what they think.

I'd tell her to wait a day or two and then read it before deciding to send it.

Nope, wouldn't send it. It's not going to make things better. Thank you for reminding me why it's a great idea to stay single.

Nope dont send kinda like a bullet, once it gone its gone.

The 100 % spite letters - don't send. Nothing good will come of it. However, if you can articulate the hurt without being spiteful and even recommend some steps to move toward a reconciliation that may be a productive letter.

I would recommend not sending the one she wrote, but instead, write a letter to the sister outlining her feelings and her suggestions for solutions to try to fix their broken relationship. My dad lost his brother when I was 3, and we have some close family friends that the brothers have been feuding for several years now. My dad states that we should never let our relationship get to be like that, because you just never know how long you're going be around. He strictly forbids us from taking each other for granted. Remind your wife of this, that they're family and they owe it to not only themselves, but each other, to fix this and dispense with the squabbling. To put things in perspective, ask her "What if, God forbid, something were to happen tomorrow? How much would be left unsaid? How many regrets would you have? How could things have been different? What did you do to try to mend things? What could be done today?"
Just a thought.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by newracer

I'd tell her to wait a day or two and then read it before deciding to send it.

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My opinion on this follows this^^^^.

Write it, set it aside for a period of time (a few days, a few weeks, whatever).
Revisit it, re-read it thoroughly, and revise/edit as needed.
Do this until it is clear and concise, and then consider whether you feel it still needs to be delivered. As said by several, the mere act of vocalizing it, even internally, may give it more power. If nothing else, it may make your points more clear and cognizant when the discussion does come to pass.
Yes, sometimes hard things need to be said or heard, but not always said AND heard.

Remember the old adage: "Haste makes waste".

Ultimately only you can make the final decision.

Dont do it. it only serves to reset the "time takes care of everything" clock.

If the sister is a sociopath(like mine), sending the letter will do no good, as there is nothing that will make a true sociopath care about anyone or anything other than themselves. If the sister is a normal, feeling human, then the letter only serves to stir up shit and obscure the real problems. Either way, sending it accomplishes nothing other than some sort of satisfaction at laying out what is wrong, and that has already been achieved.

If it was written in anger, don't send it. It sounds like she needs to come to terms with her own feelings and decide what she wants to accomplish with her sister; list her objectives and communicate in a way that accomplishes those objectives, which requires her to be the bigger person.