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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Marine24
#3 just happened to me tonight..... Some a-hole hipster decided that he was going to go into the 10-items-or-less line and take 30 different items with him. I was about to say something, when the hero behind me walked around and just shoved the hipster's crap off the little conveyor belt. The hipster didn't say anything, he just walked out leaving all the stuff there.
The cashier lady didn't miss a beat and hit the 'cancel transaction' button then looked at me and said, "You're up, Hon."
I bought the guy behind me a pack of smokes he mumbled about getting.
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Q.What do you call somebody with more than 10 items in the Express Lane? A. An Expresshole
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I dislike getting called over to the empty express lane by the checker when I have more than the limit.
Seems any time I do, the only other schmuck left in the store gets in behind me and realizes what an asshole I must be.
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A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text: "Really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"."
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Did he should his wifi next? This guy sounds like a liberal. Doesn't respect marriage or the internet.
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A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle, a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze, perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
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I had an idea for a movie plot. A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
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How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
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If life gives you melons, you may have dyslexia....
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