What's black, white, and red...and can't turn around in an elevator?
A nun, with a spear through her head.
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What's black, white, and red...and can't turn around in an elevator?
A nun, with a spear through her head.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
A waiter approached a man studying his menu carefully in a fancy restaurant one evening. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked.
"Well, I was just wondering how you prepare your chickens."
"Oh, its nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Has anyone else here come to realize that an illegal straw purchase means something totally different in California now?
A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way: If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
A southern Belle asked a stuck up Northern English teacher at an airport.
"Where are you all going to?"
The teacher replied. "A place where they do not and end a sentence with a preposition."
The Southern Belle replied. " I am sorry. Where are you all going to, bitch?"
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.
But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half ... they went as an upper and lower GI.
There was a well dressed man riding a tricycle and a poorly dressed man riding a bicycle. What was the difference?
Attire