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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment."
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
Order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
HeI took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
Order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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Those are probably my two favorite!
A couple has been married for 20 years and one night the wife was getting undressed and asked the husband, "what did you think the first time you saw me naked". He replied "I wanted to suck your titties dry". Then she ask "well what do you think now?", with a small pause he said " I think I did a good job".
Then the fight started...
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ”Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ”I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started…..
I said to the wife during breakfast, "I woke up at 3am and stared at you, I thought you looked so beautiful." "Aw thanks," she said. "What made you think I looked beautiful?" I replied, "because you looked dead."
And then the fight started...
[ROFL1][ROFL2]Quote:
Originally Posted by TFOGGER
My wife got mad at her Prius and said she wanted to trade it in for something that goes 0 to 250 in three seconds. I tried to save some money and bought her a scale.
Then the fight started...
Thanks folks, I really needed that today!!
Wedding Night
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe.The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh," he exclaims, "you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe. "We are married now," the new wife says. "You can open your robe!"
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, my! Let me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"
AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED.....
Ohh snapple lil wewe joke.
[ROFL1] [LOL] [ROFL2]I needed those!! Thanks!
One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."
William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."
His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...
[Bow]
Tired of my listless sex life, I came right out and asked my wife during a recent love-making session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at me casually and replied,
"You're never home!"
and that's when the fight started...
My wife and I were lying in bed the other day. Her hands were slowly finding their way across my body. She whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest man in the world." I whispered back, "I'll miss you."
And that's when the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’
And that’s when the fight started…
Irving has 11,366 (10.94 posts per day) and is Zombie Slayer Extordinaire. He spends a lot of time on the internet. It makes Gloria mad. She posts things when he steps away for a second. She laughs about it. And then the fight started.
And then Gloria wins!
And then she farts on him!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irving
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Originally Posted by Irving
Haha quoted so it can not go away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Irving
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Originally Posted by Irving
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irving
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Originally Posted by Irving
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFBrews
[ROFL1]
Why are you guys listening to the radio equivalent of a "chick flick".........................
That's when the fight started[Tooth]
Gloria read Irving's posts and began laughing... she laughed so hard while getting a massage from her hubby,
and that's when the fart started.
[ROFL3]Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronin13
Thing haven't been going as well as they could in the bedroom, she got me a sample of Viagra, I bought her a treadmill...
and then the fight started...