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Step kids!
Anybody else have a step kid that is an absolute monster?
Just checking, I want to hear the horror stories you guys have.
I now can understand why lions eat there young sometimes.
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Cstone 01/01/2015
"I believe that we are all one mistake away from tragedy...and the mistake made may not be ours."
I have a 15yo stepdaghter who's a handfull but not really a monster. I think all 15yo's are probably handfulls though, especially the girls.
I adopted my wife's 2 boys from a previous relationship. They are good kids but there is animosity since Im not the real Dad.
The real Dad has never been a part of their lives and I met them when they were 8 & 6 so its a daily struggle since they were older when I met them.
The biggest struggle is the wife thinking I am singling them out when they get in trouble etc.
Last edited by DD977GM2; 11-08-2012 at 10:28.
Yeah been there before. Was married for ten years with two step sons. The first five years was hell. But I attribute alot to them just being kids and growing up. I have awesome relationships with them now that one is 19 and the other is 17. Even though I am not with their mom, they still ask for advice and my opinion. So the best advice I can say is hang in there. It is really tough every day, but it will get better.
Rewards
Try rewarding good behavior, no reward for bad behavior!
You have to have your spouse o board to your way of dicipline and upbringing, we struggle with this daily.
My step kid is 31 and carries a Glock to work...
He's a pretty good kid, but like his mom, can be thick headed at times...
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My step kids frustrated me constantly. If I corrected them, they just ran to their mom and she consoled them and undermined me. It really sucked and was the main force that ended our marriage.
The kids were not respectful, not appreciative, and were not grateful for the things I did for them. They had no respect for the home or other people's property. Toward the end, my step-daughter was purposely not doing what she was suppose to do just to piss me off and then would play dumb. She constantly was manipulating my wife into thinking how bad I was that I didn't love her. Of course my wife would console her and not even think to defend me.
Go to a step parenting class with your wife! Make sure you are on the same page! It is your wife's responsibility that they respect you.
Edit: ...to make matters worse, my wife expected me to be their friend, not their parent, and I just had to put up with it; "you just need accept them!"
...I haven't even mentioned all the horror stories involved that include the abusive x who caused complete havoc in my home and a wife who would do nothing about it.
Last edited by MED; 11-08-2012 at 11:42.
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Feedback
I have step parents. I don't think I was a monster when I was a kid. I didn't care for my step-dad much when I was growing up. I don't mind him now. Just remember it's not easy for the kids, either. Not that that is an excuse for them to be monsters. I just realized that I really have nothing substantial to contribute.
Kyle
Girlscouts? Hmmm, I don't know... I think it's kinda dangerous to teach young girls self esteem and leadership skills.
As someone with an asshole for a step-dad (to this day I don't speak to him), I can tell you it's not easy for the kid. You are stuck between parents who might not have the best relationship. Constantly hearing from your step-dad that your dad is worthless, not to mention you become worthless and will never amount to anything. Oh he never hit my mom, so he had one leg up on my dad in that department, but my dad certainly never beat the shit out of me. I started laughing at him in the 3rd grade as he would become inventive in the things he hit me with.. the laughter just made him more angry but I refused to cry that just enticed him to swing harder than the laughter.
My mother ignored it. She turned a blind eye to all of it, maybe because she pretended it wasn't happening as she got beat by my dad.. who knows. I do know I have no relationship with her either. I left home at 17.. soon as I graduated I was kicked out of the house.
When kids are put in the middle of an adult problem, it's something we don't understand till much later in life. We can act out, we can be monsters, but until the day that someone sits us down and asks 'why'.. the solution will never be reached. The truth, as hard as it may be, an unbiased no one getting called names, both sides laid out. I asked, and never got a real answer. Just heard names called. It wasn't untill I was in my 20s that I started to get answers.. Not that I liked what I heard but still. It would have made somethings so much easier to understand as a kid.
I seriously think you should have to pass a test before you can become a parent.. I know neither of mine would have passed. A simple psych eval would have shown so much..
So before you think it's the kids that are just 'monsters' put yourself in their shoes. Find out what the root cause is. Maybe they have questions that no one has answered. Perhaps you have never given them reason to trust you. Maybe the wife undermines your authority. Maybe the dad does. You can assume all you want.
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