History

[Mtn.man]

Dave Lentz
LESSON For those who don't know about history, here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sittingaround waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at nightwhile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement....

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men.Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democraticvoting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish

but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.Most social workers,personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamersin Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little. They prefer to govern the producers.... and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get something for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true inner self. I'm going to have another beer!

[Boadie30]

Its only 0900 and now I have to go drink beer... lol

[glenncal1]

Is it OK to smoke a cigar, clean your gun and watch football while drinking beer?

[cofi]

the fuck is wrong with sushi?

[Ronin13]

the fuck is wrong with sushi?

You have to admit, stereotypically speaking, it is rather liberal-ish, same with wheatgrass shots, yoga, wine coolers and listening to the String Cheese Incident.

[spqrzilla]

the fuck is wrong with sushi?

Nothing. If you are a fisherman who needs bait. Or a cat.

[Jeffrey Lebowski]

I'm extremely saddened that at this point in our history, even food becomes politically divided.

[Clint45]

the fuck is wrong with sushi?

It is rolled up with rice and vegetables, and the really queer rolls have shit like cream cheese or fried shrimp and fake crab in them. Sashimi is just the fish . . . but you need to smear wasabi all over it . . . and you need to be on a date to justify why you're eating it. Hard to find decent sashimi in landlocked Denver . . . only two places fly it in fresh daily . . . everyplace else gets the frozen stuff, and half the places still serve it after it starts to turn.

But if you eat raw fish, you also need to eat raw beef to make up for it . . . like an inch thick delmonico, seared on either side just long enough to kill the bacteria and tapeworms.

[jreifsch80]

what's wrong with Paulaner Hefeweizen, Pilsner Urquell and Warsteiner? and the only "Bud" i drink comes from the Sudetenland

[Clint45]

what's wrong with Paulaner Hefeweizen, Pilsner Urquell and Warsteiner?

There's an old Aussie joke that goes, "What does American beer have in common with sex in a canoe? They're both F****g close to water." Most commercial American beer is downright nasty, and Budweiser is one of the worst. They use GMO rice and grains, and their plants spew so much pollution you'd think they were a plastics factory. Budweiser is the McDonalds of beer. German Hefeweizens, British ales and stout, and a few smaller domestic breweries like Shiner are the way to go . . . unless you're just drinking to get drunk. One thing that annoys me about beer snobs is how they rate microbrews like wine and you pay over three bucks for a bottle of award winning beer thinking your getting something good and it is so bitter and vile you can't even drink it. Find something that tastes good and is reasonably priced and stick with it. Most Hefeweizen wheat beers are a safe bet . . . similar to a lager, but with more flavor.