CTFD Parenting

[Scogin]

Latest Parenting Trend: The CTFD Method

I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends—attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I’ve stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It’s called CTFD, which stands for “Calm The Fuck Down." And that’s not a message to give your kids. It’s for you.
Using CTFD assures you that — whichever way you choose to parent — your child will be fine (as long as you don’t abuse them, of course). To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:

• Worried your friend’s child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the fuck down.
• Scared you’re not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the fuck down.
• Concerned that you’re not the type of parent you thought you’d be? Calm the fuck down.
• Upset that your child doesn’t show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the fuck down.
• Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the fuck down.

Yes, using the CTFD method, you’ll find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they’ve yet to master the alphabet. You’ll also learn that whether or not you’re the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they’ll think you are and that’s what matters. Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.
To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:

1. Calm the fuck down.
2. There is no second step.

So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You’ll be glad you did and so will your kid.

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

+ never shake a baby.

[HoneyBadger]

I like this. I'm a pretty chill guy, and nothing in my military career has gotten me riled up, but I'll tell you what: When your child is screaming and you don't know what to do, I have gone into full panic mode a few times...


From a new father, I think this is great advice.

[th3w01f]

How about the FTFO method in certain situations.

True story from several years ago. A friend of mine's son (about 5) was having a sleep over with another boy about the same age. As the parents are falling asleep they hear (through the baby monitor) the other boy say something along the lines of "put it in your mouth, like you did last time. Do it now" his son said no but e other boy repeated "do it" more aggressively.

Needless to say, the sleepover was over.

[tmleadr03]

+ never shake a baby.

Shit, I have been drying my kids off after bath time all wrong...

[tmleadr03]

CTFD is really the way.

One of my pet peeves now, is people who try to give me advice on parenting. Me: "you have 2 kids that were born 5 years apart and you are giving me advice" I have 7 children. 6 at home and 1 at DU in Denver. Unless its the lady from the tv show with the 2 dozen kids, i dont want to hear it.

Quantity has a quality all of it's own.

[tmleadr03]

I like this. I'm a pretty chill guy, and nothing in my military career has gotten me riled up, but I'll tell you what: When your child is screaming and you don't know what to do, I have gone into full panic mode a few times...


From a new father, I think this is great advice.

Good lord am I post whoring this thread.


For some reason children screaming just doesn't phase me. I have fallen asleep with my youngest screaming in her crib because she didn't want to go to bed yet. They stop eventually.

[KestrelBike]

How about the FTFO method in certain situations.

True story from several years ago. A friend of mine's son (about 5) was having a sleep over with another boy about the same age. As the parents are falling asleep they hear (through the baby monitor) the other boy say something along the lines of "put it in your mouth, like you did last time. Do it now" his son said no but e other boy repeated "do it" more aggressively.

Needless to say, the sleepover was over.

Haha errghh... Hopefully he is still young enough to never, ever remember those sleepovers.

[PugnacAutMortem]

For some reason children screaming just doesn't phase me. I have fallen asleep with my youngest screaming in her crib because she didn't want to go to bed yet. They stop eventually.

Your youngest is the key phrase in that sentence. I guarantee you couldn't have done that with your oldest since you were a new parent.

[tmleadr03]

Your youngest is the key phrase in that sentence. I guarantee you couldn't have done that with your oldest since you were a new parent.

Nope, had no issue with her screaming either. The wife on the other hand did so she wasn't allowed to scream. Ah well. Put them to bed, let them scream till they fall asleep. They sleep better that way, all tired out from crying.