Day 1 of a new chapter in my life
Every life is made up of chapters that define major accomplishments or events. Some are the result of decisions that have been made, some just happen. Some chapters hit you out of the blue, others you plan for and work toward. Others you see coming and dread their onset. Unfortunately my new chapter has been bearing down on me like an approaching storm for the last 16 months.
Yesterday morning I sat in a hospital room at PSL holding my wife's hand and watched her die. I knew that this day was coming for almost a year. She courageously fought cancer (osteosarcoma) since May of 2012. Last fall we were told that a cure was not realistic and the doctors estimated 1.5 to 2 years of life. We got almost another year. She accepted the diagnosis as a challenge and never gave up. Even on her worst days, when the pain was bad, she made every effort to be part of our boys' lives. She fought through the pain to fly to the east coast this summer for a family vacation. She fought through the pain to be there for our 5 year old's first day of Kindergarten. She made sure that every night she hugged our 3 year old twins.
She went into the hospital last Saturday, like she has numerous times over the last year. Usually for 3-7 days. Always, she showed improvement after being admitted. This time was different. I spoke with her frequently over the week via phone (I usually stayed home with the boys). While her spirits were up, I could tell she was not getting better, but getting worse. Friday morning I got the call that she was moved to the ICU and did not have long. I had a few more precious hours with her on Friday before she fell asleep.
She spent her last week planning a birthday party for our twins (from her bed in the hospital). She did an amazing job coordinating a massive bouncy house rental, invitations, arraigning for food and cake, everything, just to make the party a hit. The party was yesterday. It was probably the most important party she ever planned. She passed away while the party was in full swing.
Today is our twins birthday. 3 years ago today, I was starting another chapter in my life with a wonderful wife and 3 health boys. Today I am starting a new chapter with 3 awesome boys and a hole in all our hearts. There wont be any drastic changes. I have been taking care of the boys, the house, taking care of my wife, and working full time for the last year plus. I think that the part I struggle with the most is that I cannot send her pictures of the boys, or send a email telling her of something one of them did. These things gave her such joy to hear and I was so proud to share with her how our boys were growing up. It has been such a fast 3 years. She only really got to enjoy the twins for about a year and a half before the cancer and the treatments really impacted her. She made every effort, but the cancer and the chemo really messes you up.
Today I woke up as a single dad, with three awesome boys and a promise I made to my wife to take care of them. I hope I can live up to her expectations and make her proud. I have an incredible support network that has helped me cope since the diagnosis. That network is still here for me and my boys to help us through the toughest times.
We will never forget Carolyn, but I know that with time this incredible pain will ease and we will be left with only sweet memories.
Thanks for listening
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Originally Posted by Danimal
