Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer attacks!

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.

The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

If Jack Bauer and MacGyver were locked in a room, Jack Bauer would make a bomb out of MacGyver.

Chuck Norris's beard can deflect bullets... Jack Bauer only needs 5 o'clock shadow.

Jack Bauer does the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle on Saturdays. In pen.