Have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to include covering of the testicles.
I once had to use the word dick instead of penis because the patient did not know the proper term for his genitalia.
My dad is a family doctor in the states. A woman came in for a well baby check with her 6 month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldnt be giving her baby chocolate milk at which point she interupts him and says "oh that isnt chocolate milk. Its coffee! He just loves it!"
I work as a pharmacologist and one of the patients we had at my company was complaining the cat allergy medicine we gave her wasn't working (formulated in an inhaler). Turns out she was spraying the inhaler on her cat... We have to explain to her that she needs to inhale it...
If you're going to put it in your ass, make sure it has a flared base. Or is attached to something you won't "lose your grip on".Corollary: If you've already lost something in your ass, don't lie to the triage nurse and then medical team. While your story is usually amusing, we don't really care how it ended up in there.
I'm not a doctor, but I'm an ER nurse. I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn't matter "because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it throughly after every use." I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used said condom again -_- I had to explain to her that condoms are a one time use product...She had no clue...
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