Do you go to 24 hour fitness?

[generalmeow]

If you wear a beanie cap while you work out, you might be a douchebag.

If you carry a huge backpack around while you work out, but in recorded history have never opened it once, you might be a douchebag.

If you wear a wife beater while you work out, you might be a douchebag.

If you scream and grunt while you work out, you might be a douchebag.

If you wear work boots while you work out because you saw it in a bodybuilding magazine, you might be a douchebag. If you are part of a workout gang and 4-5 of you who work out and do this together, you might go to my gym.

If you wear giant headphones while you work out, you might be a douchebag.

If you wear cut off jeans with the pockets pulled out, while you work out, you might be crazy.

If you get out of the shower and make a nest of toilet paper on the toilet seat and sit down on it while it's wet, and then get up and don't notice the entire nest is attached to your ass and you go get dressed and put your pants on right over it, you're probably an old man I saw at the gym. I will name you peanut boy because you look like Jimmy Carter.

If you are an old woman who looks like a monkey and dresses like a college girl at the beach on spring break to work out, and shows me stuff I have no interest in seeing, I will name you monkey boy.

If you think you can do 1000 pullups, you're probably the 80 year old man at my gym who jumps up and pretends like he's doing pullups every day.

If you wear all white clothes, white knee high socks, and white canvas low top shoes, and do antiquated exercises, you will look like you're in some sort of weird gay navy workout fillm from the 1950's.

If I make eye contact with you once in the gym, and then the next day you come up to me in the parking lot and ask to borrow money from me, you might go to my gym.

If you see that I'm wearing a wrestling t-shirt, and you corner me and tell me you wrestled in junior high but the guy in front of you when you were a freshman was a state champ, and that naturally explains why you stopped wrestling, you are an idiot. You will then also certainly name names of people who I know and tell me that they were state champs, and I know that they weren't, I will nod in agreement because you are crazy, and I will slowly back away. There is a relationship between craziness and the number of state champs you think you know.

If you see that I'm wearing a wrestling t-shirt, and you corner me and tell me you used to wrestle but "kids always grabbed your balls", and that explains why you stopped wrestling, you are an idiot.

If you fart on one side of the gym, and I high tail it 50 yards away to the other side of the gym, and then 2 minutes later I smell it on my side of the gym, you need to go to the hospital.