Friday Joke Thread

[Marlin]

A man walked into a very high‐tech bar.

As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment, then replied, "A martini, please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever
tasted.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered, "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
'inter-steller space travel', 'the latest medical break-throughs',
etc...

The man was most impressed. He left the bar, but thought he would try a
different approach. He returned and took a seat. Again, the robot clicked
and asked what he would have.

"A Martini, please."

Again, it was superb. The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?"

This time, the man answered, "Oh, about 100".

So, the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So, he left, returned, and took a stool. Again, a
martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time, the man drawled out, "Uh.....bout 50".

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A‐r‐e y‐o‐u p‐e‐o‐p‐l‐e s‐t‐i‐l‐l h‐a‐p‐p‐y w‐i‐t‐h O‐B‐A‐M‐A?"

[RRD3]

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.



Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'



The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'



Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'



The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.



Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'



Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'



With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.

[onedeadpirate]

Good stuff.

[bryjcom]

Question:How do you know if your at a gay BBQ??

Answer: Hotdogs taste like shit!

[MrPrena]

LOL good joke.
It is really true. School(s) is/are corrupting young mind.
It is sad that few of young democrats start to convert to republican way after they are in early 30s (some late 20s).

[DOC]

Dr. Visit. . .

Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head.

In sheer panic and fearing he was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack, and told him to drink it all.

Barack drank the concoction and replied, 'That tasted like bull shit!'

The doctor replied, 'It was. You were a quart low.'

[BadShot]

Let me get this straight.


Nobama's health care plan will be written by a committee
whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a
Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be
exempt from it, signed by a president who smokes, funded
by a treasury secretary who did not pay his taxes, overseen
by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a
country that is broke. What could possibly go wrong?

[funkfool]

Well - it ain't Friday yet.... but here ya go anyway...

On Engineers...


Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said,”Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
(my favorite...)
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the
passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again
and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess,
and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."