Most gun makers make smaller cartridge guns smaller and lighter. In doing this I would bet the 380 in its smaller size feels the same as the shield in 9mm in recoil.
The shorter the barrel the snappier the gun. The M&P Compact instead of Shield has significantly less felt recoil and easier to operate slide. A standard size M&P can be shot by very small stature people. If recoil is an issue 40S&W in any compact handguns is always snappy.
Try going to a physically larger frame size gun in the same caliber instead of a smaller cartridge to make handling easier.






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