When you met the one?

[MarkCO]

When you meet the right one, you'll know.

Hard to tell someone else how they'll know because everyone is different.

My wife and I have very little in common but I think that's kind of what makes us work. We sort of compliment each other. We accept each other for who we are and neither of us has ever tried to change anything about the other one.

Oh, and great sex doesn't hurt either.

I'd pretty much say the same thing. When I met my wife, there was an immediate attraction, she had the right mix for me and I for her. I think World View is important to have in common. I proposed on a Thursday and went Elk hunting for 5 days after...she was not mad about it at all. Not saying it is easy. We broke up after a year of dating as we had some things to work out individually, but we remained friends and really worked on stuff and after about a year, we started dating again and got married about 3 years after we met. Marriage is not easy either, but we agreed that if we got married, it was forever, no matter what. She has brought me the greatest pain and the greatest joy. 22 years and 2 boys.

[Martinjmpr]

Well, as a guy who was single the first 47 years of my life I may not be the best one to give advice but I'll throw my $0.02 in anyway:

First of all, IMO people often focus too much on "finding the right one" and not enough on "BEING the right one" for someone else. It takes two people to make a marriage work and both of you have to be "all in."

In 23 years in the military I saw a lot of marriages fall apart and often times it was because the marriage was shaky from the beginning. If you go into it for the wrong reasons, you're setting yourself up for failure. So make sure it's what you want and not just a refuge from loneliness, horniness, or whatever. I saw a lot of marriages in the military where I seriously wondered why the hell they were even together since they both seemed miserable and neither of them really wanted to be there, but they just kind of stayed together out of inertia, or maybe fear of being alone, I guess.

On the flip side, I also saw some rock-solid marriages that withstood tremendous stresses that most civilians never experience (imagine being in a marriage with someone who could call you from work today and say "Hi, Honey. I'm getting on a plane this afternoon to go to the other side of the world, I don't know when I am coming home and oh, by the way, I might come home in a coffin." but that's a reality that military spouses live with all the time.)

The one thing I noticed was that the guys with the wandering eyes never had marriages that lasted. Not in my experience, at least. The guys who thought TDY meant "Temporarily Divorced" always had rocky relationships. On the flip side, the guys with the solid marriages never even got tempted to stray - it just wasn't in their nature.

Interesting topic - just the other day I spent about a half hour on the phone with one of my old friends from the Army. He retired as a Chief Warrant Officer a few years ago but he's still happily married to the Honduran woman he met when he was TDY there in the mid 80's. His oldest son - who I bounced on my knee when he was still a toddler, and posed on my motorcycle back in Fayetteville - is now a captain in the Air Force (God that makes me feel old!)

Forgot to add: Wife and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next month. Still going strong!

[BPTactical]

Married 31 years come December.
She was young, attractive, blind, deaf and dumb.

I knew right then she was the one for me!

[Great-Kazoo]

If the OP is asking for any reason other than swapping war stories...

Bear in mind that statistically speaking, arranged marriages are about as successful as regular marriage, i've heard even more so.

The underlying fact of the matter is, if you're around someone long enough, love often grows on it's own. That's a blessing and a curse. Arranged marriages work because they skip over the "twinkle-eyed honeymoon" that's as fake as Cher's face, and start from day one building a real relationship. [Don't take this to mean I advocate that kind of thing at all, I think it's wrong, just referencing marital studies] I'd focus less on finding "the one" that makes twinkles in your eyes; as there's not "just one" and those initial emotions are highly deceptive. Focus far more on finding a "right one", recognizing there are many fish in the sea, and DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS. Find someone you are fully compatible with - trustworthy, personality, etc. You don't need a reason to leave someone you are dating (a mistake many men make), being incompatible or things "not being right" are good enough. Don't settle. It's far better to get married for the first time at age 50 than divorced at age 50 after suffering 30 years of a brutal marriage.

Initial attraction is important, but that's all that initial emotion really boils down to. Don't sacrifice your life solely for a young face, cause the hardships will long outlast it, and you won't get to see it long.

ETA: And by DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS, I mean cognitive dissonance is strong when "you're in love". You need to recognize when you're trying to explain away bad behavior. "I mean yeah, she totally held a knife on me, but that's just because she REALLY loves me so much that it's hard for her to control herself"... "I mean, yeah, she voted for Obama, but she's totally a conservative now, cause we agree on everything except abortion, taxes, health care, the military, guns, LGBT, socialism, Bernie Banders, home defense, law enforcement, government, children, uhhh..... and you know what they say, OPPOSITES ATTRACT!"

Recognize when you are trying to rationalize things. Collect the facts, and look at the big picture instead. Act logically, not with "your heart", or you could be one of those poor saps getting divorced after 15-25 years of torture. It's probably the most important decision you can make in your life, so don't make it quickly.

ETA 2: Also understand the red flags of Cluster-B's well, as somewhere between 1:10 and 1:20 of the women out there fall in that category, but because of how prolific they are, it's more like 1:5 "available" daters.... Rule #1: If they are trying to lure you in with pity, run the hell away. Don't ever answer another call or text. Date people whose shit is together.

Thank you sigmund freud

Never thought a starting a relationship really needed analysis

[MarkCO]

Thank you sigmund freud

Never thought a starting a relationship really needed analysis

True.

And people wonder why marriages fail. It is not a job interview. If she does not make your heart race, skip it and move on. Sure, keep your eyes open and make sure you have the basics of compatibility. My wife does not try to change me, I want to change to be a better husband to her. There is a world of difference. Boring is well, boring.

[TEAMRICO]

.....now I just want to pull the trigger!





I’m kidding.

[Grant H.]

True.

And people wonder why marriages fail. It is not a job interview. If she does not make your heart race, skip it and move on. Sure, keep your eyes open and make sure you have the basics of compatibility. My wife does not try to change me, I want to change to be a better husband to her. There is a world of difference. Boring is well, boring.

This.

I met my wife as a 17yo kid at a church summer camp. There was lots of pretty tail running around, but she had the whole package for me. Attitude, intelligence, smokin' hot, and called me on things even when I'd just met her.

We were friends for a couple years, despite me chasing something more (she was enamored with a guy in OK where she lived). She figured out he wasn't going to be a great option when her mom was told he had plans for a house on his parents property, that included a master bedroom, a kitchen, a single bathroom, and a bunk room with 6 bunk beds with boys and girls names on all 12 beds all ready...

After that, We progressed rather quickly, and got married when we were 20.

Much like Ray said, we don't have all that many common interests, but it works.

[BushMasterBoy]

23 and me will do a DNA analysis. Science don't don't lie. Women will. Try not to marry your cousin. I never married. WTF do I know!

https://www.23andme.com/

[wctriumph]

You never know at first, just have to see how things go. If you both work at it and don't take the easy way out, it can work.

I have been with my wife nearly 40 years and we have one grown daughter that is finally (mostly) on her own.

It has been quite the journey and God willing, we still have a ways to go. She is my rock and without her I would undoubtedly be in prison or dead.

Women want to feel secure, Men want to feel significant.

[TheGrey]

We became best friends, first. Had a great deal in common, and had all the requisite hallmarks for a terrific relationship: respect, high esteem for the other's regard, and similar ethics and morals. Our love started so slowly that we didn't even realize what it was at first, and still burns as brightly now, 26 years later.