I write articles for The Onion.

Just kidding. I'm an artist. A pissed off one right now. I got a quote from UPS for shipping, gave it to the client and then took the piece to be shipped, only to find out the actual shipping costs were $50 higher. The client has already paid the agreed price, nothing to be done. On top of that, the agent gets 30%. Every brush stroke is torn from my body...