Sitting in a holding cell with a bunch of losers. The crazy guy across from me was trying to break his handcuffs and I could hear the steel grinding against his bony arms. Then the dumbass next to me turns and asks, "Is a felony bad?"

I* was caught stealing a gas pump from an out of business rental yard. I was going to turn it into a beer pump. It was an old one with rolling numbers. Wire it up so every time you hit the dispenser, the numbers rolled and it rang a bell. The base was large enough to conceal a pony keg.

Still kinda want to build one...

*there were a lot of people involved but I'll stick with "I"