Divorce agreement...

[two shoes]

Had to share...

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sureour two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, &Jane Fondawith you.

P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

[mitch]

Ok, lets stir the pot with more stereotypes. Woohoo!


Since all the Conservative government leaders will be busy in the airport restrooms (or sodomizing their 14 year old pages) who will run the Conservative side? I mean, the united States of Jesusland will have to take all the racist bigots and Ted Haggards - right? You also have to take the special interest bribe groups such as MADD due to their liberal-incompatible ideology. This is a clever move on our part to insure your government is ineffective and allow us to subvert your military.

In the USJ, you'll need to install Government cameras in your bedroom so the Fed can monitor your morality (see link at the bottom). Also please note that birth control is a sin, and nudity is almost as filthy as *gasp* dancing. But don't worry if your daughter gets knocked up - the Bible says its ok to stone her (or sell her into slavery). You should also note that to be "Conservative" one must eschew all modern conveniences such as automobiles and electricity. Good luck with your donkey carts and horses since we own the automobile manufacturers (except for Ford, but since we own the UAW they won't be around longer than a few weeks).

I say "good luck with your donkey carts and horses" because we get all the farmland and farmers, since they are the #1 recipient of "welfare" in this country. I believe we will start the bidding at one ounce of gold per pound for corn, and 2 ounces of gold per pound of bacon. Obviously we would need to be paid in gold since your unchecked economy of greed would collapse under the weight of the state sanctioned monopoly called WalMart.

Its not just all the food we get, either. How about the entire steel industry? Ouch, that has to hurt. But since you absolutely must rid yourselves of anything that smacks of corporate welfare...we'll take it, I suppose. I think that pretty much leaves you with a starving Army armed with stones and mud. Hey, that sounds just like the other great "conservative" nations like Palestine, Syria, Iran, Best Korea, Lebanon, etc...

We will also have to enforce, through trade sanctions, our exclusive usage of math and science. Conservatives all know that the Bible contains all the science required for a functional society (circa the height of the Roman Empire), and math is the work of the devil as it is a tool used to disproves things written in the New Testament. This should be fine with you, as you are determined to make do with the preacher man praying over your sick children instead of seeking medical help.

But maybe the conservative Great Nation will be a nice place to live for the average Joe since it will be totally devoid of alcohol. Prohibition was a roaring success the last time it was tried, and led to lots of peaceful homes. Right?

In short, it sounds like a good deal to me. Just remember that the Liberal Nation won't allow dual citizenship, so you'll be stuck with having to live day-to-day under someone else's morals. Hopefully they aren't Mennonite or
Quaker (or psychotic).

http://www.star-telegram.com/2010/06...hard-line.html

[HBARleatherneck]

wow, just....wow.

[BigBear]

We will also have to enforce, through trade sanctions, our exclusive usage of math and science. Conservatives all know that the Bible contains all the science required for a functional society (circa the height of the Roman Empire), and math is the work of the devil as it is a tool used to disproves things written in the New Testament.

Lots of confusion in your post my friend... but irregardless of that: Show me just one thing in the Bible that is disproven or refutes itself by ANYTHING in this world and I'll eat my hat.

[ChunkyMonkey]

N/M... misread the statement

[two shoes]

Lots of confusion in your post my friend... but irregardless of that: Show me just one thing in the Bible that is disproven or refutes itself by ANYTHING in this world and I'll eat my hat.

I don't know if those are his "feelings" about it, but it is funny to see how the numb-nuts on the other side may view anyone with a spine or morals... The biggest contrast between the two write-ups is that the liberal view is pushed to the furthest extremes of what may be considered right wing, while the conservative view seems based more or less on the facts available.
May I join you, in the dinning experience of your hat, if in fact, proof is provided? I have experience in cooking and eating crow... Grilled and covered in steak is best...

[jake]

The biggest contrast between the two write-ups is that the liberal view is pushed to the furthest extremes of what may be considered right wing, while the conservative view seems based more or less on the facts available.

So you don't think that the scared of war, scared of guns, un-Christian and un-patriotic country depicted in the original piece is a stereotype then? You really think that ALL cops and ALL soldiers share your political affiliation?

The biggest contrast between the two pieces is that the first one was a work of humor, the second one was an apparently serious reply.

[Irving]

I think the best thing for the conservative movement would be to separate it from religion completely. Most of the stuff covered by religious beliefs is stuff that the government shouldn't be involved in at all in the first place.

Bear, there is considerable confusion about the events of Easter. Namely that no one can really make a chronological time line that everyone agrees with, using the information in the New Testament. However, that is off topic since you missed the point that the guy was just posting that response because it existed, not because that is the way he feels.

[theGinsue]

LOTS of things wrong with the statements in the OP.

Since you are taking aim specifically at MY religious beliefs, I'll just provide you with 1 example of where you're off track.

But don't worry if your daughter gets knocked up - the Bible says its ok to stone her (or sell her into slavery).

What you are referring to is Old Testament (OT) law, also referred to as the Law of Moses. Nothing in the New Testament (NT) directs the use of stoning for punishment. In fact, if you knew the Christian Bible (if you are going to try to lecture from it, you should have a first-hand familiarity with the material), you would know that Jesus changes the criteria for enforcing this OT law when he says "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7b (NIV).

With Jesus came a new covenant and new laws, all identified in the New Testament.

I can not fairly do justice to explaining the differences between the OT and the NT laws. I'm sure we have many individuals here on the site who can communicate much more effectively than I can on this subject. I just recommend you know the material before you speak against it.

If you were simply quoting your entire response from another source, my apologies for making it more personal but I still hold to the "know the material" comment.

[Hoosier]

Another problem this new country would have is that (on average) red states take more money from the Fed than they contribute. So all those states that whine about paying the Fed are actually taking more than they give.

H.