Joke of the Day

[BladesNBarrels]

A biker is passing the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion?s cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, ?Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.? The biker replies, ?Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.?
The reporter says, ?Well, I?m a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow?s paper will have this story on the front page? so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have??
The biker replies, ?I?m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.?
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
?U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.?

[eddiememphis]

Two liberals come across a man in a ditch. He is bleeding, moaning. He has been beaten to a pulp and left for dead. One liberal says to the other, “Quick, we have to find the people who did this. They need help.”

[flogger]

There is a new Netflix film on Jeffrey Dahmer.
They reveal that most of the corpses found were missing the nose and he was saving them to make a Dahmer nose pizza.

[Little Dutch]

There is a new Netflix film on Jeffrey Dahmer.
They reveal that most of the corpses found were missing the nose and he was saving them to make a Dahmer nose pizza.

Booo! Get off the stage!

...OK. I admit I chuckled.

[BladesNBarrels]

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, You must be a Republican!
I am, replies the man. How did you know?
Well, answers the balloonist, everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.
The man smiles and responds, You must be a Democrat.
I am, replies the balloonist. How did you know?
Well, says the man, You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.



Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.

[Alpha2]

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, You must be a Republican!
I am, replies the man. How did you know?
Well, answers the balloonist, everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.
The man smiles and responds, You must be a Democrat.
I am, replies the balloonist. How did you know?
Well, says the man, You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.



Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.

That dude needs a new GPS.

[RblDiver]

Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.

...I don't get it. Some random location in Mertzon, TX?

[BladesNBarrels]

...I don't get it. Some random location in Mertzon, TX?

Yep, not really a location for a man fishing from a boat below
So, the irony or humor is that neither one knows where they are.

[Scanker19]

Yep, not really a location for a man fishing from a boat below
So, the irony or humor is that neither one knows where they are.

The opposite of irony is wrinkly…

[wyome]

Mertzon is a nice lil town...but not much fishing there hahaha