Close
Page 109 of 112 FirstFirst ... 95999104105106107108109110111112 LastLast
Results 1,081 to 1,090 of 1246

Thread: Joke of the Day

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Grand Master Know It All BladesNBarrels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Lakewood, CO
    Posts
    3,648

    Default

    A biker is passing the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion?s cage.
    Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents.
    The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
    A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, ?Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.? The biker replies, ?Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.?
    The reporter says, ?Well, I?m a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow?s paper will have this story on the front page? so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have??
    The biker replies, ?I?m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.?
    The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
    ?U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.?
    Buying Randall Made Knives and Randall 1911 Pistols

    BladesNBarrels Feedback

  2. #2
    Grand Master Know It All eddiememphis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Two liberals come across a man in a ditch. He is bleeding, moaning. He has been beaten to a pulp and left for dead. One liberal says to the other, “Quick, we have to find the people who did this. They need help.”

  3. #3
    Machine Gunner flogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    MORRISON, CO
    Posts
    2,387

    Default

    There is a new Netflix film on Jeffrey Dahmer.
    They reveal that most of the corpses found were missing the nose and he was saving them to make a Dahmer nose pizza.

  4. #4
    Not Quite "Normal" Little Dutch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Posts
    1,180

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by flogger View Post
    There is a new Netflix film on Jeffrey Dahmer.
    They reveal that most of the corpses found were missing the nose and he was saving them to make a Dahmer nose pizza.
    Booo! Get off the stage!

    ...OK. I admit I chuckled.
    Never complain; never explain.
    My Feedback

  5. #5
    Grand Master Know It All BladesNBarrels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Lakewood, CO
    Posts
    3,648

    Default

    A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
    The man consults his portable GPS and replies, You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
    She rolls her eyes and says, You must be a Republican!
    I am, replies the man. How did you know?
    Well, answers the balloonist, everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.
    The man smiles and responds, You must be a Democrat.
    I am, replies the balloonist. How did you know?
    Well, says the man, You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.



    Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.
    Buying Randall Made Knives and Randall 1911 Pistols

    BladesNBarrels Feedback

  6. #6
    Machine Gunner Alpha2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Ft. Collins, Co.
    Posts
    1,724

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BladesNBarrels View Post
    A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
    The man consults his portable GPS and replies, You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
    She rolls her eyes and says, You must be a Republican!
    I am, replies the man. How did you know?
    Well, answers the balloonist, everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.
    The man smiles and responds, You must be a Democrat.
    I am, replies the balloonist. How did you know?
    Well, says the man, You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.



    Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.
    That dude needs a new GPS.

  7. #7
    Machine Gunner RblDiver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Longmont
    Posts
    2,130

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BladesNBarrels View Post
    Take a look at the actual position of the coordinates, and this joke takes on another aspect of humor.
    ...I don't get it. Some random location in Mertzon, TX?

  8. #8
    Grand Master Know It All BladesNBarrels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Lakewood, CO
    Posts
    3,648

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RblDiver View Post
    ...I don't get it. Some random location in Mertzon, TX?
    Yep, not really a location for a man fishing from a boat below
    So, the irony or humor is that neither one knows where they are.
    Buying Randall Made Knives and Randall 1911 Pistols

    BladesNBarrels Feedback

  9. #9
    Señor Bag o' Crap Scanker19's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    ABQ, NM
    Posts
    3,739

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BladesNBarrels View Post
    Yep, not really a location for a man fishing from a boat below
    So, the irony or humor is that neither one knows where they are.
    The opposite of irony is wrinkly…
    Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Haw haw haw?..

  10. #10
    Voodoo Blue wyome's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Castle Rock
    Posts
    2,480

    Default

    Mertzon is a nice lil town...but not much fishing there hahaha
    USAF - 1989-2011

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •