Joke of the Day

[Slapps74]

Haha!

[Bitter Clinger]

I bought a new Chevy Avalanche and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers. Then he said, “Ray Charles!” and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson. Odd Trick Reverses Hair Loss: Try This Odd "Trick" Restores Your Vision (20/20) The #1 trick to REVERSE Tinnitus Sponsored by RevContent I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, “Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, “You moron… you have no idea what you’re doing!” Immediately the radio responded with, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.” Dang, I love this truck… I need that truck. Of course, the voice control system in the Toyota Prius is different. It tunes to the president every time its hippie owner says “My God!” Any attempt to listen to hard rock music also results in the car giving you a lecture on misogyny and its relation to testosterone, followed by a track from the Indigo Girls. And, every time you say “Ted Nugent,” the car stops whatever it’s doing and makes an immediate call to the NSA national hotline to report you for high treason.

[brutal]

I bought a new Chevy Avalanche and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. “Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers. Then he said, “Ray Charles!” and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson. Odd Trick Reverses Hair Loss: Try This Odd "Trick" Restores Your Vision (20/20) The #1 trick to REVERSE Tinnitus Sponsored by RevContent I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, “Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, “You moron… you have no idea what you’re doing!” Immediately the radio responded with, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.” Dang, I love this truck… I need that truck. Of course, the voice control system in the Toyota Prius is different. It tunes to the president every time its hippie owner says “My God!” Any attempt to listen to hard rock music also results in the car giving you a lecture on misogyny and its relation to testosterone, followed by a track from the Indigo Girls. And, every time you say “Ted Nugent,” the car stops whatever it’s doing and makes an immediate call to the NSA national hotline to report you for high treason.

This is the best part.

Odd Trick Reverses Hair Loss: Try This Odd "Trick" Restores Your Vision (20/20) The #1 trick to REVERSE Tinnitus Sponsored by RevContent

[Bitter Clinger]

Copy and paste...guilty

[GilpinGuy]

Michigan State Police have announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles, with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tons of heroin, $12 million in forged bills and a ring of 14 prostitutes, all in a housing project behind the Detroit Public Library.

Detroit folks were stunned. A community organizer said: “We be shocked! We never knowed we had a library.”

[electronman1729]

I love math tricks and this one really work and will only take you about ten seconds!!!

Amazing, it really works to reveal your all-time favorite movie. I'm pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!

DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom. You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is

1. Pick a number from 1-9.

2. Multiply that number by 3.

3. Add 3.

4. Multiply by 3 again.

5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: (On second post. Dont look down)

[electronman1729]

Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech After Impeachment
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire

Now, isn't that something?

[Samurai]

Haha that is pretty awesome. Totally works!!

[Bailey Guns]

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small aircraft.

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cell phone and yelled, "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had a heart attack. He’s dead. I grabbed his cell phone because he told me before we took off he had the tower on speed dial. I’m flying upside down at 8,000 feet and our airspeed is 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"

The employee in the tower put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down. We hear you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Try to remain calm!!".

He began his series of questions.

Tower: "How do you know you’re at 8,000 feet??"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 8,000 feet on the altimeter”.

Tower: "Okay, that’s good. How do you know your airspeed is 180 mph??"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed indicator".

Tower: "Okay, that’s good. Are the instruments telling you you’re upside down?"

Aircraft: "No! I know because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar."

[Ripper]

Bawahaaaaaa