Joke of the Day

[William]

^ good one

[brutal]

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed o
ut the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!"

^ good one

rejoke

but yes, it is a good one.

[henpecked]

Jared from subway ended his carreer just like he started it.......trying to get into smaller pants

[fj605]

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One morning, after the honeymoon, he was getting his gear ready for another day at the range. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence, she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much time at the range and you should probably consider selling your guns."

Tom gets a horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"For a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"EX-WIFE!", she screams. "You never told me you were married before!"

Tom's reply, "I wasn't."

[Duman]

[brutal]

[Joe_K]

One day a hunter took his trusty Winchester to the mountains to hunt for bear. He hid behind a rock that overlooked a beautiful valley and waited.
Soon a bear appeared by the stream which ran through the valley. The hunter aimed and fired. When the smoke cleared he couldn't see the bear.
Then there was a tap, tap, tap on his shoulder.
The man turned around and there was the bear, standing 7 feet high, towering over him. The bear said, "you tried to shoot me didn't you?" To which the Hunter replied, "Yes, I'm afraid I did." "Well," said the Bear, "in that case you will have to provide me with a sexual favor"
Having no choice in the matter, the Hunter did as he was told.
That night the Hunter was really angry and vowed to get revenge. So the next day he went to the same spot, only this time he brought a huge elephant gun. Once again the bear appeared and the hunter fired. After the smoke cleared the hunter couldn't see no carcass.
Tap, tap, tap. "You tried to shoot me didn't you?"
"Why, yes, I'm afraid I did."
"Well take your pants down and bend over. I'm going to have to screw you again" Having no choice the Hunter did what he was told.
That night the Hunter was really, really angry and resolved that he would get the Bear no matter what.
This time he brought an M60. He went to the same spot and waited until the bear appeared by the stream. He fired off fifty rounds. When the smoke cleared, he couldn't see the bear.
Tap, tap, tap. "You tried to shoot me didn't you?"
The Hunter Gulped. "Yes, I'm afraid I did."
The Bear thought for a moment then said, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

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[waxthis]

test

[HoneyBadger]

test

No, you haven't been banned yet...

[Joe_K]

I'm confused about how a picture of a plate of ethnic food is a joke.

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