Joke of the Day

[ChickNorris]

What's the difference between oooh & ahhhh?

2 inches

Or is it 3?

[ChickNorris]

Why do dwarves giggle when they play soccer?

The grass tickles thier balls.

[ChickNorris]

What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's?

Hiding your own Easter eggs.

[RblDiver]

I knew a man who liked the taste of brake fluid. I tried telling him that it was dangerous and he shouldn't drink it, but he assured me he could stop at any time.

[brutal]

In Ireland, three Irish brothers have a tradition of stopping at the pub after work every day and having a shot of Irish whiskey.

One of the brothers moves to the States, but he keeps the tradition alive by stopping at a pub after work and having three shots of Irish whiskey - one for himself and one for each of his brothers.

One day he stops at the pub and orders TWO shots. The bartender, who has become familiar with the tradition, fears the worst and asks him, "Good Lord, what happened? Did you lose one of your brothers?"

The Irishman says, oh no, my brothers are both fine - I just quit drinking!

[BladesNBarrels]

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "Hmmmm...that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can".

Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together".

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."

[Great-Kazoo]

Elections

[ChickNorris]

How many animals can you fit into a pair of stockings?

Two calves, an ass, a pussy, and who knows how many hairs.

[ChickNorris]

Whats the difference between love, true love & showing off?


Spitting, swallowing and gargling

[ChickNorris]

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?


You can unscrew a light bulb.