Joke of the Day

[AirbornePathogen]

A little military humor for the crew:

A newly commissioned lieutenant was talking with his company first sergeant. The LT says, "You know, Top, I've always wondered why the officer rank insignias are what they are."
The first sergeant says, "Well sir, let me break it down for you. Second lieutenants wear a gold bar to show that you're valuable, but malleable. First lieutenants wear a silver bar because they're still valuable, but less malleable. Captains have two bars because they're twice as valuable, but still kind of malleable. Colonels wear eagles because they soar over all the rest of us. And generals wear stars because they're the stars in our galaxy."
The lieutenant says, "Makes sense, Top. But what about majors and lieutenant colonels?"
"Well sir, that goes back to the Garden of Eden. Adam started it, and we've been covering our pricks with leaves ever since."

[copfish]

What sound does a limping turkey make?






Wobble, wobble...

[Gman]

Is "turkey" the pet name for your johnson?

[BladesNBarrels]

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..
Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!
"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night..
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?"
I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom.
The room had candles and rose petals all over.
Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."


So, Here I am!

[ChickNorris]

What nationality is Santa Claus?


North Polish




I know, terrible. All I got though.

[DOC]

What nationality is Santa Claus?


North Polish




I know, terrible. All I got though.

That is a certified dad joke right there.

[spqrzilla]

https://booksbikesboomsticks.blogspo...o-at-vftp.html

[Gman]

https://booksbikesboomsticks.blogspo...o-at-vftp.html

Ten Years Ago at VFTP...
From December 2009...
"So the cover of this month's American Rifleman announces "The Unexpected SIG516".

A new AR clone these days is about as "unexpected" as another Friday the 13th sequel or Law & Order spinoff. What's "unexpected" is that there are still some gun manufacturers who haven't jumped on this bandwagon, since all that's needed to get in the game is an ATF variance letter sent to Continental Machine Tool or Sabre Defense. In a world where such unlikely candidates as Ruger, Remington, and Smith & Wesson are pimping AR-style carbines, what's left?

Here are my predictions for "unexpected" AR announcements at SHOT:
Harrington & Richardson H&R-15: Cast parts and stained birch furniture keep costs down. Sold at Wal-Mart for $109.95.
Marlin MAR-15: Neither direct impingement nor piston operated, the MAR-15 is California-legal, since the bolt is cycled via a complex linkage actuated by rocking the pistol grip forward and back.
Thompson/Center EncoR-15: Available in almost two hundred chamberings, three quarters of which are designed by J.D. Jones and only of interest to handloaders who also hunt rabid grizzly bears.
General Motors GI-15: Unsold inventory stocks will allow these to be sold at zero percent financing with a hefty manufacturer's rebate less than six months after their introduction. Brace for recalls.
Apple iR-15: Only works with proprietary ammunition. Made of sleek, white plastic. Has to be sent to an authorized service center for field-stripping and cleaning. Owners soon sport glazed, zombielike expressions of loyalty familiar to posters at MacForums or GlockTalk.
Harley-Davidson HD-15: Leaks oil. Comes with clip-on ponytail and lick'n'stick eagle tattoo in box, as well as coupon for chromed BUIS, charging handle, and highway pegs."

[brutal]

That last one made me chuckle.

[RblDiver]

Source: https://twitter.com/GitRDoneLarry/st...42178334625792

The adult film industry said they may struggle financially in the coming decades because 90% of the incoming millennial females have nut allergies.