Joke of the Day

[Shooter45]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... "Go get your Mother."

[BladesNBarrels]

[SuperiorDG]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down at the bar next to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and stared up at the TV as the 10 o'clock news came on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building, preparing to jump. Alexandria looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jack said, "You know what, I bet he will." Alexandria replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!”
Just as she placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. She was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
Alexandria replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took the money. Alexandria went back to work in the U.S. Congress.

[BladesNBarrels]

[BladesNBarrels]

[Duman]

Ouch!!

[BladesNBarrels]

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

[TFOGGER]

[BladesNBarrels]

[BladesNBarrels]

At a prestigious university there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor doesn't show up. A full professor is rated fifteen minutes; an associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however, and students were afforded no such grace.

It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when a student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.

"Tell me," the professor began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?"

"Well," mused the unperturbed young man, "first they saluted, and then they asked, 'How are you this morning, sir?'"