Joke of the Day

[henpecked]

Three pastors and their wives are driving to a convention when they have a terrible accident and they all die and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says to the first "What do you have to say for yourself?". First pastor says "I never took a drink in my life, been a pastor for 40 years, can't wait to get in". St. Peter checks his book and says, "wait a minute...it says here that you never took a drink, but you lusted after alcohol your whole life...you lusted after alcohol so much you married a girl named Brandy. I'm sorry, you missed the mark. St. Peter asks the second pastor the same thing and he says "I gave up a good paying job to pastor the flock for 30 years, had lots of opportunities to make money but chose the Lord's work instead". Peter checks his book and says "wait a minute, it says here you didn't have any money, but you lusted after money your whole life, so much so that you married a girl named Penny. Sorry, you missed the mark. Third pastor turns to his wife and says, "Come on Fanny, let's go, we haven't got a chance"
__________________

[Walker2970]

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I want to be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I want to be Johnny's bitch."

[TheGrey]

Here’s a mean joke:
A mathematician, physicist, and a statistician all went to a shooting range.
The mathematician aimed and fired, but his shot went five feet to the left.
The physicist was next…but his shot went five feet to the right.
The statistician threw down his gun and cried, “YES!”

[Irving]

^^ Reminds me of another joke.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.

The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.

The group is silent for a moment.

The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

[TheGrey]

^^^^

[TFOGGER]

Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Rucker61]

A man walks into a zoo. There was only one animal in the whole zoo, a dog. It was a Shih tzu.

[Duman]

[wctriumph]

Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie on a unicycle!

[SuperiorDG]

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."