A local business looking for office help put a sign in the window saying:

"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time later, a dog trotted up to t...he window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least However, since the dog looked determined, he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager, who said, "I can't hire you. You have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and typed out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him and then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then reminded the dog, "the sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. He then demonstrated his expertise with various programs, producing a sample spreadsheet and database which he presented to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign. he put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. "Yes," the manager said, "but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked him straight in the face, and said, "Meow."



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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pileup on the freeway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it"

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "you must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes, I have and she has helped me make a decision."

"We're getting granite countertops."