Joke of the Day

[opie011]

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation,for fear it would turn to politics.As the barbers finished their shaves,the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying,No thanks,my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.The second barber turned to Bush and said,How about you sir ? Bush replied,Go ahead,my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

[sp1tty]

lol opie.

[Irving]

What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit?


"This won't take long, did it?"

[DSB OUTDOORS]

What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit?


"This won't take long, did it?"

Why can't you hear 2 rabbits F**king??
>
>
>
He has Cotton Balls!!!

[spittoon]

uh

[JohnTRourke]

A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'

The bride-to-be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time---for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'

'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

[ChunkyMonkey]

I gotta steal that one...

[275RLTW]

Horse, A Chicken & A Harley:


On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play toegether. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no availfor he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.


Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.


The moral of the story?? yep, you betcha, there is a moral





'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley to Pick Up Chicks!

[TFOGGER]

Resurrecting this one...we need more light stuff.

MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS:

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1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.



2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.



3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.



4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.



5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.



6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.



7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.



8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.



9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.



10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.



11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.



12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.



13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.




14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.



15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[henpecked]

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is atthe Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates areclosed,and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you.. We have heard a lot about you. I musttell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have beenadministeringan entrance examination to everyone. The test is short, but you have topass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure isgood to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about anyentranceexam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.Life was a big enough testas it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, Iknow, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:What two days of the weekbegin with the letter T?

Second:How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questionsover. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, andsays, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, 'Well, thefirst one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide andhe exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you dohave a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you creditfor that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.'How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk aboutthat, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve secondsin a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there'sgot to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to giveyou credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and finalquestion.Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied,'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperatedand frustrated St Peter.'Ok, I can understand how youcame up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiestone of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,to get some humor out of life,and to pass it on to other folks.