Joke of the Day

[TFOGGER]

Resurrecting this one...we need more light stuff.

MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS:

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1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.



2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.



3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.



4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.



5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.



6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.



7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.



8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.



9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.



10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.



11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.



12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.



13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.




14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.



15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[henpecked]

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is atthe Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates areclosed,and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you.. We have heard a lot about you. I musttell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have beenadministeringan entrance examination to everyone. The test is short, but you have topass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure isgood to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about anyentranceexam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.Life was a big enough testas it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, Iknow, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:What two days of the weekbegin with the letter T?

Second:How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questionsover. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, andsays, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, 'Well, thefirst one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide andhe exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you dohave a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you creditfor that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.'How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk aboutthat, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve secondsin a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there'sgot to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to giveyou credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and finalquestion.Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied,'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperatedand frustrated St Peter.'Ok, I can understand how youcame up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiestone of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,to get some humor out of life,and to pass it on to other folks.